


We're all a little broken here

by aidail



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Asexual Character, Asexual Sam Winchester, Bisexual Dean, F/F, F/M, Gay Castiel, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Pansexual Gabriel, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Stanford University, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 46,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8533864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aidail/pseuds/aidail
Summary: Set at Stanford, this is a Supernatural soulmate AU where you soul mates name is written on your arm from birth. Sam didn't want to meet his soulmate, too afraid of the inevitable rejection he's sure he's going to face. Dean can't wait to meet his, to finally have the family he always dreamed of. But when their soul mates share a last name, its inevitable that the two brothers will find them together. So how will Sam deal with the soulmate he desperately wants but doesn't believe he'll be able to keep? And will he ever trust them enough to tell them his biggest secret?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I suck at summaries, but I hope you like it.

It was cold and windy as Sam hurried down the street. He pulled his jacket a little tighter around him and cursed the fact that he’d opted to walk today. Normally he enjoyed the chance to catch some fresh air. But today the air was just a little too fresh and he was already fantasizing about that first hot rush of caffeine when he grabbed his first coffee for the day on campus. 

It was only September, summer holidays had barely ended, but it was already unseasonably cold. Sam didn’t want to think about the long winter that was coming. He hated winter. Everything about it seemed designed to highlight his own loneliness, from the grim weather, to the constant bombardment of advertising with couples curled up around fires, or the way people took the excuse to huddle even closer. Even as he thought it, he glanced up to see a couple twined around each other laughing. 

They had that happy glow of two people in love, and Sam felt the chill sink in a little deeper, not all of it from the wind. He looked away hurriedly, hunching over even further into his jacket, tugging unconsciously at his sleeve, hand passing absently over his wrist. Any last trace of a good mood was completely gone and he was thoroughly miserable by the time he walked into his favourite coffee shop. 

Not even the comforting aroma, or the blissful warmth was enough to draw him out. He attempted a smile as he ordered, trying his best not to be rude and he got a sympathetic smile in return. But his heart wasn’t in it. 

A few years ago, he’d have said this was his favourite time of year. School was just starting back and he was in his final year of Stanford, taking pre-law. Everything was working out how he’d planned. He’d had a successful internship over the summer, been given a glowing letter of recommendation, and had a good job lined up for the semester at a local bookshop. He should be excited for the New Year, looking forward to class and catching up with his friends. And yet all that success just highlighted the one thing wrong in his life. 

Something was missing. And thanks to the small golden tattoo on his wrist, he knew exactly what it was called. He reached down idly to rub at it unconsciously, as his thoughts turned back to them, as they so often did. Inked in neat gold letters across his left wrist was the name of his soulmate. Everyone had them. And at some point, everyone was destined to meet them. 

As you would expect, people reacted to this a little differently. Many claimed it didn’t matter, dating and getting into relationships. Some even went so far as to openly protest the idea, though no one knew what caused it, and it wasn’t like there were any laws forcing them together. The government had very little concern over who people married, provided they continued to pay their taxes. People just liked to complain. But some how, they never seemed to find much to say after they’d met the person whose name was written on their skin from birth. Then even the staunchest protester’s words somehow failed them and they meekly faded into the background as new revolutionaries took up their doomed cause. 

For others, those words were like a promise. Older traditions kept people alone and celibate until their partners came to begin their journeys together. It was a romantic notion, one that had many a young person sighing over the idea. But then hormones and adolescence kicked in and most left those ideas behind in favor of a little experimentation. What could a little practice hurt? 

For Sam it was even more complex. He desperately wanted to meet his partner. He’d felt their missing presence all his life, a deep aching want for something more. But that desire was matched by an even stronger fear. Because out there somewhere, someone had had his name on their wrist their whole lives. How could he ever hope to live up to their expectations? His fear of rejection consumed him, robbing him of any kind of hopeful anticipation and he often found himself brooding over it. He was miserable without them, but he didn’t have any hope for it working out. Every day without meeting them was a delay to the inevitable heartbreak. 

It didn’t stop him from gazing wistfully at the happy paired couples, the knot of anxiety every time he heard a new name, nor the pang of disappointment when it wasn’t the right one. Sam lived in a painful kind of limbo, not knowing which future he hoped for, knowing that in the end it wouldn’t matter. It was fate to meet your soulmate. For those who died before their time, their partners met equally tragic fates. It wasn’t always happy, sometimes meeting just before an accident, or some other horrible circumstance. But always destined to meet eventually, or die young. There had never been a case, not a single one, where someone lived out their life alone. It was a strange kind of curse. 

Those were the thoughts consuming Sam as he made his way out of the shop and across campus. He had a class starting and he didn’t want to be late. Despite how often he found his thoughts turning towards them, Sam had never let those words dictate his life. He’d worked hard to build a life he was proud of, and to participate in it. He didn’t need a partner to give his life meaning or purpose. But it sure would be nice to have someone to share it with.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam made it to class with a few minutes to spare, sliding into his preferred seat. After four years he’d developed his own system, and knew most of his classmates had done the same. For him, it was always close enough to be seen, far enough away not to be noticed and a little to the side. That last one had been added after a professor who got just a little to excited when they spoke, subjecting the first several rows to their own little water show. Furthest side from the door had been learned early, as the last minute rush of late students tended to have that side filling quickly as they sought to enter unnoticed. 

The lecture was long and tedious and Sam was grateful for the caffeine buzzing in his system. It was the only thing keeping him from the slow slide into unconsciousness that was threatening as the monotonous monologue continued in a steady stream without pause for the whole hour. Even Kevin, Sam’s friendly rival for top of the class in most of his courses and self confessed geek was yawning discretely across the room. 

By the time the clock released him back out into the blustery day Sam was ready to call it quits. It wasn’t even noon, but between the weather dragging down his mood, his own familiar inner ramblings and that snooze fest of a lecture, he wanted nothing more than to go home. He’d planned to spend some time in the library, maybe catch up with some friends, but he could feel his sour mood pulling his face into a scowl and knew better than inflict himself on his friends like this. 

He made his way back to his apartment. He’d moved off campus in his second year, after he’d landed a decent gig as a bar tender. He was by no means rich, but with his scholarship and a steady stream of income, he was much better off than the average student. Enough that he could afford a small place on his own. It was days like these that made him glad he had enough to cover the rent on his own without needing a flat mate. Sometimes he just needed to be alone. 

The afternoon saw him camped out on his couch, something mindless turned down low on his tv in the background as he typed up some notes from another class. The noise and productivity shook him out of his listless mood, enough that he decided on a quick run before dinner. He refused to let himself be cowed by the weather. And he had to admit; it wasn’t likely to improve as autumn settled in. He was just going to have to get readjusted to the cold. 

The sound of his breathing and the slap of his feet against the pavement helped clear his head. As he fell into a steady rhythm, he felt some of his previous melancholy melt away into the base, primal responses of his body to the exertion. The chill was soon driven out as his muscles warmed from use, and he straightened as his long stride ate up the distance. 

An hour later and he was bright eyed and panting slightly, a light sheen of sweat making his jumper stick unpleasantly, but he didn’t care. His mood had improved dramatically. So much so that when his phone rang just after he jumped out of the shower, he answered with a pleased smile, rather than the groan that surely would have been his response earlier in the day. 

“Hey Dean.” Sam said brightly, as he padded into his kitchen.   
He put the phone on speaker as he fumbled around the room, pulling down pots, and pulling food out of his fridge, preparing dinner. 

“Hey Sammy, how you doing?” The disembodied voice asked cheerfully.   
His brother sounded relaxed and happy, which made Sam smile more. Dean didn’t call often, rarely feeling the need to chat without a reason. But sometimes he made the effort, and Sam appreciated it all the more.   
“I’m good. How’s it going?” Sam replied, pulling out a beer to drink while he worked on dinner. 

They chatted easily for half an hour. Dean filled Sam in on the happenings of Singer’s Salvage Yard and Mechanics where he worked. The owner, Bobby Singer, had been like a surrogate father for them growing up, and Dean had a gift with cars. He kept his own in perfect conditions, spending his weekends tuning her up, and taking her out. She was his pride and joy, about the only worthwhile thing he’d ever got from their father, at least a far as Sam was concerned. 

After their mother’s death when Sam was just a baby, John had struggled to keep his life together. Raising two small children alone on top of the tragedy of losing his beloved wife had taken a toll he never really recovered from. Bobby was an old colleague, one who’d taken pity on John, let him work for him no matter how many days he called in, or made Bobby wish he had, given how hungover he was. Bobby had told Sam once it was only for their sake he’d kept John on. But when Dean showed a talent for machines, he’d helped pick up some of the slack, and in the end, Bobby ended up with a much better mechanic and two adoptive sons to boot. So he was more than happy with the deal. One made even easier when John had disappeared sometime after Sam left for college. 

Sam still winced thinking about that fight. He remembered it clearly, only half paying attention to his brother on the other end of the phone, making appropriate noises every so often as he waxed lyrical about some old Cadillac a customer had brought in. In his mind, he was replaying that day. 

Most parents would be proud of their kids for getting a full ride to a prestigious school. But not John Winchester. He saw it as some kind of betrayal, convinced that Sam was doing it deliberately to hurt him, a means to escape. And if Sam was honest, he wasn’t wrong. Dean had idolized their father, but Sam resented him for the nights left alone, with only Dean to take care of him. Because as much as Sam loved his older brother, there were some things an eight year old was just not equipped to provide for a toddler. 

Sam resented him for his overbearing attitude, the way he’d raised them with military style discipline. Now, older and with distance on his side, he could see it all as the product of a broken man who’d lost his soulmate and never recovered from the pain. But he couldn’t help the small bubble of resentment that demanded that he should have been better, should have been able to put aside his pain and be the father they’d needed. 

In the end, Sam had left, with a threat that if he walked out that door, he shouldn’t come back. Dean had been heartbroken as he drove his little brother to the nearest bus stop. He’d have driven Sam all the way to California from their home in Kansas if Sam wanted, but he’d insisted on taking the bus, not wanting to force Dean into an awkward position with their father. After all, Sam was the one leaving. Dean was the one who had to stay, and deal with the fall out. Neither of them ever said how much they admired the other. Dean wished he had Sam’s courage to take control of his life, to be his own man while Sam admired Dean for fighting to keep their family together. 

Dean calling his name broke him out of his reverie as he snapped his attention back to his phone.  
“Earth to Sam, where’d you go man?” Dean’s half fond, half irritated voice came down the line.   
“Sorry, I got distracted.” Sam replied sheepishly. The last thing he wanted was for Dean to think he didn’t want him calling. It had taken them a while after he’d left to get back to being comfortable around each other, and only in the past few months had Dean started calling Sam unbidden instead of waiting for Sam to call. 

“You’re not still worrying about your tattoo right?” Dean asked exasperated.  
It had fallen to him to explain to his little brother what the bright words meant, and ever since Sam had been worried about them. Dean knew he got lost in his own head sometimes. If left alone too long Sam tended to brood. Dean was just grateful he also had a tendency to seek out company, not liking to be alone for too long. His little brother was naturally affectionate, seemed almost to crave interaction. 

“Nah, I was just thinking about… you know.” Sam trailed off. They rarely mentioned that day, didn’t like to bring it up. But it hung over both of them like a dark cloud.   
“We’ve been over this Sam. You did the right thing. I mean look at you, living the dream.” Dean joked with fake enthusiasm. Even though he could hear the strain in his voice, Sam huffed a laugh.   
“Well it’s no Lincoln Continental-“ Sam replied smiling at the phone as Dean cut him off angrily.   
“Too right it isn’t, those cars are crap.” Dean half growled mockingly. Sam just laughed again, tension gone. 

They chatted some more, exchanging well-meaning insults before Sam hung up, his already good mood improved again. By the time he crawled into bed that night, his bad mood was long forgotten. But sleep proved difficult to come by, and it wasn’t long before he was tossing and turning, trying to squash the vain wish that he had someone there beside him.


	3. Chapter 3

Three weeks later and Sam had fallen back into his routine. Classes occupied a good chunk of his time. It was his final year and it showed in his workload. He was also working five shifts a week at the campus bookstore. It was amusing, watching all the young freshmen coming in, looking for everything on their list. Even though it was against the rules, he subtly clued a few of the more desperate looking ones in on the underground market of textbook trading. A similar tip during his first year had saved him from starving trying to afford all his textbooks, most of which were barely used, and he was happy to pass on the favour. 

He even managed to find time to fit his friends into his busy schedule. They had a long-standing tradition of Friday night drinks and Sam was grateful for the time he got to spend at the bar catching up with them. They were a bit of a motley crew that had picked each other up over the years. 

It had started with Sam and Brady. They’d been dorm mates back in their first year and were delighted to find they had a lot in common. They’d bonded over late night debates about the current legal system, both with an underlying bitterness that had nothing to do with politics. 

Brady was the one who’d introduced him to Jessica. It was clear he’d been hoping they would hit it off. But Sam had never been interested in dating. He didn’t see the point. Jess had picked up on that pretty quickly. Years later she’d confessed she’d been crushing on him pretty hard those first few months, but she realised he wasn’t interested. They had managed to become very good friends. Jess was one of the few people Sam felt he could really open up to and she helped to pull him out of his bouts of melancholy, dragging him to parties and art openings and a million things he never would have considered going to, but ended up having the best times of his life. 

Sam met Charlie in the library. She was a freshman working in the IT section, a pretty impressive feat given how selective the IT staff were. While Sam liked her for her bright personality and quirky style, it was her name that got his attention to start with. Charlie Bradbury. In a world where people’s soulmates were written on their arms, the names were traditionally kept intensely private. But Jess had trusted Sam with hers one night when they’d been half drunk.

They’d been lying on the floor of Sam’s new apartment, enjoying the privacy and freedom to get progressively more and more drunk. And as they did Sam found himself opening up, trying to explain the vague feeling of empty the apartment gave him being alone. It was why Jess was spread out on his floor. He didn’t want to spend his first night on his own. As usual, with the few people he’d told about his fear, she’d scoffed and told him he was silly. He couldn’t disappoint them if he tried. Of course Sam never went so far as to tell them the real reason. But he did show her the name. In return, she’d undone her own cuff, the one almost everyone wore to hide the words, and she’d showed him the mark delicately looped across her wrist. 

So when Sam ran across that very same name in the library, he hadn’t wasted much time in dragging Jess with him the next time. He’d sent her up to the desk and the rest was history. He looked across the table at Charlie now, bright red hair drawing attention, contrasting with Jess’s long blonde curls, and Sam knew rather than felt he was happy for them. 

On Jess’s other side was Kevin. Sam and he had a friendly rivalry between them. They took the same classes, and usually tied for the top spot. They’d agreed back in first year that they could be friends outside of class, but to avoid each other in the lecture hall. They’d been too competitive, checking each other’s notes, correcting mistakes. It had resulted in a small fight, one they were both quick to patch up. So the line was drawn in class. Outside of class, they enjoyed talking about anything and everything. More than one occasion they’d bored their friends with long detailed discussions that none of the others had a hope of participating in, until Charlie shoved a beer in both their hands and ordered them to drink.

On Kevin’s other side was Meg, one of Brady’s friends. Sam wasn’t sure what to make of her. She seemed determined the break up as many couples as possible. Even now she was eyeing off one of the guys at the bar. He’d seen him come in with a tiny brunette and Sam knew it wouldn’t be long before she made her move. 

Meg was one of those who protested the whole concept of soulmates. And Sam had to admit she made some valid points. After all, not all matches were healthy, and some developed an almost unnatural level of codependence, not everyone got the happily ever after society promised. His own father was proof of that. But Sam did not agree with Meg’s methods. She was relentless, with a single-minded determination that bothered Sam. 

Sure enough she slipped out from behind their booth and sauntered over to the bar. From Sam’s other side, he felt a friendly jostle as someone jammed their elbow into his ribs and he looked over to roll his eyes at Garth. The skinny boy was giving him a look of shared commiseration. Sam wasn’t the only one who disapproved of Meg. But she was Brady’s best friend from high school, and no one was willing to start that fight. 

They’d already put their foot down about Ruby. If Meg was determined then Ruby was ruthless and she’d fixed her sights firmly on Sam. While Jess had taken the hint early and kept their relationship platonic, Ruby had seen Sam’s signs of disinterest as a personal challenge. All of Sam’s increasingly harsh rejections and escalating discomfort had served only to encourage her until finally his friends had stepped in. 

Brady had taken the hint and kept his other friends away from their group. Sam suspected that Ruby wasn’t the worst of them. It was hard for Sam to admit, but Brady wasn’t the guy he’d met way back in first year. He’d fallen in with a bad crowd, and as much as Sam didn’t like to think about it, he knew that if he met Brady now, they wouldn’t be friends. 

The slow distancing between them had started last year, and now this was the first time he’d seen him in weeks. It was a strange change from the almost joined at the hip status of their first year to now. But it was a part of growing up he supposed. People changed, not always for the better and Sam knew that while people like Jess and Charlie, maybe even Kevin would always be a part of his life, he was going to have to let some people go. 

Jess as usual was the first to notice the downward spiral of his thoughts, as he looked between Meg, still over at the bar and Brady, wedged in against his other side. She kicked him lightly under the table and Sam had to admire her aim, hitting him right in the shin amongst the tangle of legs under their frankly too small table. But then his stuck out further, making them an easy target. 

She threw him a smile and jerked her head in a clear question. Sam looked down at his watch. It was still early, barely past 11, but he didn’t really want to stay. So he nodded gratefully and the three of them stood up and said good-bye to their friends. Once they were out of the bar, Jess linked an arm through his, the other around Charlie and the three of them made their way across the campus towards Sam’s apartment. 

Not even Sam’s mood could put a damper on Charlie’s spirits, and away from the crowd and with two of his favourite people, Sam felt much better. By the time they were fumbling their way through his door, they were all laughing and gasping.

“You guys want to stay?” Sam asked, suddenly tired and wanting nothing more than his bed.  
“Nah, we’ll get back to ours.” Charlie said brightly, slipping an arm around Jess and looking up at her fondly. Sam smiled at both of them.  
“Alright, let me know you get home safe. Night.” He answered easily, hugging them both before shutting the door. He was in his bedroom and asleep within minutes, so he missed their hushed conversation as they made their way back down the hall. 

“I’m worried about him.” Jess said lowly, as they made their way down the stairs.  
“How come?” Charlie asked seriously, picking up on her girlfriend’s mood.  
“I think he’s lonely. He doesn’t really have anyone.” Jess explained carefully.  
“He has you.” Charlie said, without a trace of jealousy.  
When they’d first met, Charlie had been jealous of the close, easy relationship between the two, and was left feeling more than a little insecure. But she’d got over that a long time ago when she realised that Sam saw Jess as just a friend, and Jess, well, she’d made her interests quite clear. 

Jess was shaking her head.  
“I have you. Everyone has someone else. And we all know Brady’s bad news. Sam needs someone he can click with.” Jess said worrying.  
“Well good thing he has someone.” Charlie said significantly, rubbing a thumb over Jess’s wrist where her own name was inked. Jess shivered lightly at the touch and smiled down at her, but it was quickly replaced by another head shake.  
“I don’t know. Maybe. I hope they meet soon.” Jess said fervently. Charlie could only nod in agreement.  
She’d always been happy with her life, but Jess added something inexplicable. More than just a girlfriend: a partner in crime, a best friend, someone to share everything with. She’d been happy before but now she was perfectly content and she hoped Sam would find his soon. If anyone deserved to be happy it was Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I know this is slow.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite the early night, Sam woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. He groaned pitifully and attempted to roll over and go back to sleep, but now that he was awake, he couldn’t ignore the drumming pain inside his skull. Reluctantly he climbed out of bed and downed a couple of painkillers before crawling into the shower. 

The warm water helped a little, enough that when he was done, he decided to go out for his morning coffee. It was Saturday, the start of his weekend off, and he felt like treating himself. The warm sunshine that greeted him outside of his apartment was just more encouragement. It seemed the weather had finally decided to grant him a boon. 

He later blamed his headache for his distraction. He didn’t notice the guy crossing the sidewalk in front of him. In his defense, the guy didn’t notice him either, face buried in his mobile phone. When they collided, the much smaller man went down and only Sam’s reflexes saved them both from the pavement. 

“Watch where you’re going!” The smaller man grumbled disentangling himself.   
“Sorry” Sam apologized, embarrassed.  
That might have been the end of it, but the guy looked up to glare at his attacker and…damn. This guy could knock him down any day. Tall, with long chestnut brown hair that should have been ridiculous, but actually framed his face perfectly, hazel eyes that couldn’t seem to settle on one colour and did he mention tall? Because this guy was tall, easily well over six foot. And judging by the vague sensation of colliding with a brick wall he’d felt, there was probably an impressive set of muscles under those layers. 

All this combined into one of the most attractive men he’d ever seen and he swallowed his angry retort and shifted easily into a flirty smile.  
“Don't worry about it. Gabriel Novak, at your service.” He introduced himself lightly.  
It wasn’t until he noticed the guy stiffen and his eyes widen slightly that he stopped to consider that this could be an even more important moment than he’d realised. Usually he was a little less flippant about giving out his name to strangers, but what could he say? This guy was one hell of a distraction. 

For Sam, he’d spent a long time wondering what he’d say when he met his soulmate. Hundreds of hours imagining the scenario. Maybe in class, or a party. He hadn’t been expecting to almost knock the guy over. And the words that came out of his mouth were nothing like what he’d thought they’d be.   
“Do you know Castiel Novak?”

Gabriel eyed him narrowly before relaxing slightly, quashing his own disappointment. So he’d been wrong about that reaction. It wasn’t unusual to run across people asking after family members. He and his brother both shared marks with the same last name. Whether they were related or it was coincidence, they didn’t know, but it never hurt to ask. 

Then the guy’s question really sank in and he stared at him again.  
“That depends.” He said carefully. “Do you know a Dean Winchester?”  
Those hazel eyes widened dramatically as the guy nodded and Gabriel felt a swoop of joy along side a pang of jealousy. So this guy was Cassie’s soulmate, or at least knew them. Which meant maybe…  
“Don’t suppose you know a Samuel Winchester as well?” He asked hopefully. 

Sam froze. All that time worrying, and trying to decide what he wanted, the moment was here and now and he couldn’t do it. So he blurted out the lie, the one that came so easily now. When he’d left home he’d changed his last name, an act of defiance to avoid any association with his father. He’d never told anyone, least of all Dean, who’d see it as a betrayal. 

“Sorry, the only Sam I know is me, and my last name’s Campbell. Dean’s my cousin.” He said hastily, but Gabriel didn’t question him, just looked disappointed, but he recovered quickly.  
“Well then Sammy, want to grab a coffee?” Gabriel asked brightly.  
He wasn’t about to pass up this chance. Even if he wasn’t the right Sam, Gabriel wouldn’t mind getting to know this guy a little better. And if things worked out with Cassie and this Dean guy, they might even end up family. He could at least try to be friends. 

Sam was torn with indecision. On the one hand this was the perfect opportunity. He could get to know Gabriel. But to do that he’d have to keep lying. In the end he decided to take a chance for Dean’s sake. If this guy was related to Castiel, then he might just be able to get Dean his happily ever after, even if he couldn’t have his own. So he nodded and let Gabriel lead the way. 

They ended up ensconced at a table in Sam’s favorite coffee shop. He wished he could believe it was coincidence but nothing was that random in this universe.   
“So Sammy. What’s your cousin like?” Gabriel asked, curious.   
Sam shrugged.  
“He’s a mechanic, lives in Kansas. We pretty much grew up together. He was always looking out for me.” Sam answered honestly.   
“What about Castiel? What’s he like?” Sam asked, equally curious.   
Gabriel’s gold eyes softened as he thought about his brother, and Sam couldn’t help but admit it was a good look.

“Castiel is intense. You’ll see what I mean when you meet him. It’s hard to describe.”  
Sam nodded politely, feeling a little uneasy. Dean was complicated, though he liked to pretend otherwise, and he wasn’t sure Castiel sounded like what his brother needed. But who was he to judge?  
“He’s a student here, final year, anthropology. Gets real excited about it.” Gabriel chuckled fondly. Sam smiled involuntarily in return. Gabriel’s amusement was infectious. 

“What about you kiddo? Student?” Gabriel asked, changing the subject.   
“Yeh, final year of pre-law.” Sam answered hesitantly.   
Gabriel whistled.   
“Lawyer huh? Impressive.”   
“Yeh. What about you?” Sam asked, curious.   
“Just finished my PhD. Folk lore and fairy tales.” Gabriel said with a wink.  
Sam’s eyes sparked with curiosity.   
“Now that’s impressive. What was your thesis on?”  
“Woah kiddo, you should know better than to ask that!” Gabriel joked, though he was secretly pleased by Sam’s interest.   
Most people scoffed when they heard his focus, as if it couldn’t be a real degree.  
“Why not? It sounds interesting.” Sam protested.   
“You’d be about the only one to say it. It was mostly Scandinavian religions. Did a little bit on modern discourse. Popularity of the Avengers helped a lot.” He said, making Sam laugh. 

Gabriel’s eyes widened at the sight. Sam practically lit up when he laughed, a proper, full laugh. It made Gabriel want to make him laugh again just to see that look. That was when he realised how much trouble he was in.   
“So your cousin come this way often?” Gabriel asked, changing the subject back to the much safer topic. 

Sam thought about it. Dean had been making noises over the past few months about moving to Cali. Sam was hoping to get into Law school at Stanford and ever since he’d mentioned that to his brother, Dean had started thinking over the idea. If he knew his soulmate was here waiting for him, Sam knew he’d come running. Dean had made no secret of which side of the fence he came down on, and if Castiel was here, Dean would be here too. The only thing keeping him in Kansas at the moment was Bobby and Sam knew a single phone call explaining it all would have the gruff man packing Dean’s bags himself. 

Gabriel seemed to take his hesitation as a negative though, because he shrugged.   
“Don’t worry kid, I get it. It’s not easy to just pick up your life and move. Cassie needs to stay here for a while, finish off school but I’m sure they’ll work it out.” Gabriel reassured.  
“Oh no, I’m sure he’ll come running when I tell him. I just…how are we gonna do this?” Sam asked.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t sure how people normally handled this, but he liked the idea that Sam might not be planning to disappear. He held out a hand.  
“Phone.” He demanded with a smile.  
Sam pulled it out of his pocket. He didn’t keep it locked. Gabriel was torn between finding that endearingly adorable and exasperating. Castiel had refused to lock his as well, something about the moral burden being on the snoop, not the victim, but Gabriel was more practical. His was pass coded and guarded jealously. 

A few quick taps and Gabriel programmed both his and his brother’s numbers into his phone.  
“There you go kiddo. Send that to your cousin and I’ll let Cassie know to expect a phone call.” Gabriel said with a smile.  
“Wait, you think they should do this over the phone? Wouldn’t it be better to meet in person?” Sam asked.   
Gabriel gave it some thought. It was true his brother’s manners were a little less than endearing on the phone. It really needed those bright blue eyes and earnest expression to bring them from creepy to adorable. So he nodded.   
“Maybe you’re right. Ok, call your cousin, let him know what’s happening. We can set up a little meet and greet. Sound good?” Gabriel asked.   
Sam nodded.  
“Perfect.”

With that they both stood up. Gabriel had left the ball in Sam’s court. He had his number, it would be easy enough for him to contact him again. If he wanted to. Now Gabriel had the unparallel delight of going and upending his little brother’s neat and orderly life. 

Walking out into the sunlight, Gabriel looked up again at Sam and for a moment let himself feel the regret. So close, yet so far. Sam and yet not the right Sam, related to a Winchester, but not a Winchester himself. Gabriel didn’t really think too much about the whole soulmate thing. After his last attempt at saying a big screw you to destiny with Kali had gone south, he was willing to admit maybe he didn’t always make the best choices for himself. But something about Sam made him wish he had a different name on his skin. This one was worth keeping. 

So he broke the promise he’d just made to himself and tipped his head, considering.   
“You want to meet him?”   
Sam looked at him quizzically.  
“You mean Castiel?”  
“That’s the one. I mean, if it works out he’s gonna be family. Come on, I think you’ll like him.” Gabriel wheedled and watched Sam visibly waver. 

“Don’t you think you should check with him first? What if he’s busy?” Sam asked. Gabriel snorted.   
“Oh he’s busy alright. Last I saw him he had his head buried face first in some boring book about early agricultural practices.” Gabriel said cheerfully.   
Sam smiled down at him. He couldn’t help but notice the way Gabriel softened at any mention of his brother and Sam liked seeing it. 

“Sure, why not?” Sam shrugged, pretending to be casual.   
The idea that he would be spending even more time with Gabriel made his stomach flip, but not necessarily in a good way. Sam had to admit, he liked the guy. In the short time they’d been talking there just seemed to be something about him, a kind of energy that Sam found appealing. If he’d met him with any other name, he’d definitely have been interested in being friends. 

As it was, he knew there was a whole lot more expected of him here, and it wasn’t fair to Gabriel to keep him in the dark. But Sam wanted to keep this just a little longer. Before he ruined it with the truth, before Gabriel learned what a freak he was. So he kept his silence, listening contentedly as Gabriel told him a little more about his brother as they made their way across the campus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliche cute meets are my weakness ok?


	5. Chapter 5

Sam had to admit, Gabriel was right. There was no good way to describe Castiel. Intense didn’t even begin to cover it. He was focused one moment, staring a little too long, standing a little too close, the next he’d be distracted, or focused on the distance. He was incredibly intelligent. Within a few minutes, Sam realised he was talking to someone who processed the world in a way he could never understand, making connections that would elude him. 

There was no good way to describe Castiel, because whatever was said about him would never manage to capture the truth. There was a purity and an innocence to him, while at the same time seeming jaded. It made for a fascinating study of contrasts, and Sam understood why Gabriel looked the way he did when he spoke about his brother. 

Despite his oddities, Sam could see immediately why Castiel was the one for Dean. Someone who didn’t know his brother as well as he did might not see it, but Sam could. Surprisingly, Sam found himself warming up to Castiel almost as much as Gabriel. They fell into a rather technical debate that would have gone over the heads of most of his friends. He was even more surprised, and pleased when Gabriel added his own insightful comments. While Sam knew he had to be clever to have finished his PhD, something about him made Sam think he didn’t take much seriously. 

“Don’t look so shocked there Sammy.” Gabriel said with a wink when he noticed Sam’s surprise.   
Castiel looked between them in confusion, then with something like comprehension.  
“Despite my brother’s flippant behaviour, he is much more intelligent than he likes to pretend.” Castiel said gravely.   
Sam could only smile.   
“Yeh, I’m getting that.” He admitted, a little embarrassed to have underestimated the man.  
Gabriel did his best not to preen. It made it even better that his brother was sticking up for him, especially given how often he remarked on being despaired of Gabriel even having a brain, despite it being necessary for a human’s biological function. 

“So Cassie, we’re not just here to visit. Got a surprise for you.” Gabriel started theatrically, finally done stalling.   
“Your surprises are rarely good Gabriel.” Castiel said apprehensively.   
But the way he was looking between Sam and Gabriel, sitting side by side on his couch made it clear to Gabriel at least that he had a suspicion. After all, he hadn’t told him Sam’s last name, and Castiel was the only one who knew the name on Gabriel’s wrist. Well he was in for a surprise. 

“I ran into Sam here just a little earlier. Seems he has a cousin by the name of Winchester. Dean Winchester.” Gabriel said slyly.  
The change was immediate. Castiel froze for several seconds, blue eyes fixed and locked on Gabriel’s golden ones in suspicion before turning very slowly to look at Sam.  
“Is he…Does he…?” Was all he managed to force out, but Sam knew what he was asking.   
There were lots of people with the same name. The trick was finding ones with the right name back. Sam nodded slowly.   
“Yeh, his says Castiel Novak.” Sam said reassuringly.   
Having experienced this feeling himself only an hour earlier, Sam knew how Castiel must feet. He was silent, but Sam could see the fine trembling that had taken him over. Sam threw a worried look at Gabriel, but he just smiled reassuringly and made a vague gesture to wait. 

Finally Castiel looked back up at Sam.   
“You said he was your cousin?” Castiel asked.  
“Ah yeh.” Sam said, unsure and uncomfortable about lying again.   
“So then are you also a Winchester?” Castiel asked.   
Gabriel smiled, a little touched. His brother had just been told about his soulmate and here he was worrying about his big brother. He saved Sam from the awkward question by jumping in.   
“Sorry little bro, we’ll have to skip the joint wedding. Seems Sammy here only knows the one Winchester.” Gabriel told him smoothly.

To Sam it was said with a flippant nonchalance. For Castiel, who had known his older brother his whole life and knew him far better than Gabriel thought he did, he could see the disappointment. It seemed this stranger, who might soon be his family, had made rather a big impression on his brother. Castiel shared his disappointment. 

Gabriel could do with someone like Sam, someone to ground him and give him the reassurance he needed. Gabriel liked to joke that Castiel didn’t understand people, but that wasn’t true. He understood people just fine, he just wasn’t very good at fitting in with them. And he knew that his brother, for all his smirking humour and sarcastic wit, was one of the saddest people he knew. 

Sam drew him from his reverie.  
“So ah, he doesn’t know yet. He lives in Kansas. But I can call him and get him to come out and meet you if you want? Or I can give you his number?” Sam asked.  
Casiel started a little. He’d been distracted by another tangent. It was strange. With news like this, you would think it would be all he could think of, but it seemed too big to face head on, too life changing.   
Castiel was comfortable here. He had his life the way he liked it, long hours of solitude among his books, with only the occasional interruption by his brother. The idea that another person might come in and disrupt all that, completely change his life, made him nervous. But at the same time…

Castiel had always been anxious to meet the curious figure of Dean Winchester. Ever since he’d been old enough to read, he’d traced the name across his wrist, sounding it out. It had reached the point where he’d said the name out loud so many times it lost all meaning, just became senseless sounds. Even the concept of him had been detached from meaning, just a kind of nebulous idea that anything could be ascribed to. Now he was reminded that Dean Winchester was a real person, with ideas and thoughts and opinions of his own, existing in the world as more than an abstract concept and suddenly Castiel was nervous.

“I think it would be best to meet in person.” He found himself saying, if only to delay the inevitable.   
What if they pulled out a phone right now and called him? He wouldn’t know what to say. How did people do this? Just the thought was enough to have him hyperventilating. 

Gabriel could see his brother coming apart, and with an apologetic look at Sam, he went over and knelt on front of his brother, taking his hands in his own.  
“Come on Cassie. Just breathe.” He said soothingly tracing circles over Castiel’s hands.

Sam watched them curiously. The way Gabriel acted, it was clear he’d done this before. Which meant this wasn’t Castiel’s first panic attack. For the first time Sam doubted if maybe, while Castiel would be perfect for Dean, would Dean be enough for Castiel? Gabriel talked him down, using soothing words and familiar rhythmic movements across his hands. Would Dean have the patience to deal with this if it was a regular occurrence? Sam didn’t know. His brother was an odd mix of hard and soft. Sometimes as a kid he would climb into bed with Sam and comfort him after a nightmare. Other times he would just throw a pillow at him and leave him alone to face his fears in the dark. Sam hoped Dean would make this work. 

Feeling like an intruder, Sam stood up and made his way to the door.  
“I’m gonna give you guys some time. I’ll call Dean tonight, let him know what’s going on.” He said hurriedly, not waiting for a response before he was out in the hallway.

Gabriel met Castiel’s eye.  
“Can you give me a minute?” Gabriel asked him. He nodded shakily.  
“Of course.”   
Gabriel gave him a quick smile before he was on his feet and chasing Sam down the hallway. 

“Hey kiddo, hang on a minute.”   
Sam turned to him in surprise.  
“Do you want to grab a drink tonight?” Gabriel blurted out. He hadn’t planned what he was going to say when he ran out the door, just knew that he couldn’t let Sam leave like that. But he flinched as he realised how it sounded and quickly smirked to cover. 

“I mean if your cousin and my brother are soulmates, that makes us practically family right? We should get to know each other better.” He said in a rush, hoping Sam would understand.   
He didn’t know what name was on Sam’s wrist, or if he was even interested in guys and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by making it sound like a date, even if he wished it was. 

Sam relaxed a fraction. It made sense Gabriel would want to get to know him, maybe ask him some more about Dean. He would be doing the in his position. And while the idea of admitting the truth terrified him, being friends with Gabriel was appealing. That much he could handle. So he smiled as he said.  
“Sure, I’m free tonight. Text me the details?”   
“I don’t have your number.” Gabriel reminded him.  
Sam didn’t even hesitate as he pulled out his phone and sent a short message to the new contact saved as Gabriel.  
“Now you do.” He said with a smile and turned to leave a slightly stunned Gabriel in the hallway. He fumbled for his phone and checked what it said.

_See you tonight ___

__Gabriel turned back to their apartment in a daze, replaying that smile. Oh yeh, he was in so much trouble._ _


	6. Chapter 6

The call to Dean went about as well as Sam was expecting. He’d gone straight back to his apartment with every intention of calling him, but he’d put it off. How exactly did you call up your brother and tell him you’d met his soul mate? 

More importantly though, he knew he was going to have to find a way to tell Dean about Gabriel. There was no was he was going to be able to keep them from meeting. Even now Sam couldn’t believe what he’d done. He’d straight up lied to his face. And even worse, he had no intention of coming clean. He wanted to play this out as long as possible. But Dean had never understood his fear. He’d never been able to explain it, not to anyone. 

The problem was, Dean knew the name on his wrist, just as he knew Dean’s. It was an act of trust to show them to people, even as babies, the words were kept hidden from anyone. Knowing that their soulmates shared a last name, they had taken it as a sign that nothing would ever be able to break them apart. 

It had been Winchesters against the world and Dean was desperate for the day when he would have it all: his brother, his soul mate and his new brother-in-law, because surely they would find them together. So how did he explain the Dean that he was running away from the one thing Dean had wanted since he was a kid? That he wasn’t stepping up to be his half of his own dynamic duo? 

By the afternoon he realised he’d stalled long enough. A message had come through from Gabriel inviting him for drinks at 5 and he hadn’t even thought about it before his fingers had typed a reply, agreeing. He knew he’d need time to get ready and this phone call was going to take a while. He couldn’t exactly drop this on him and run. So by the time the clock was ticking over to 2, Sam was staring at his phone, Dean’s number pulled up on the screen and with bated breath, tapped the call button. 

Dean answered on the fourth ring.  
“Heya Sammy, what’s wrong?” Dean asked concerned.   
They’d only spoken a few days ago, and while he was always glad to hear from his brother, they didn’t talk that often.   
“Nothing, nothing’s wrong.” Sam was quick to reassure Dean before his mind could jump to the worst of conclusions.   
“I ah..it’s just. Well I met someone today.” Sam said, hesitating. He’d rehearsed this in his head all day, but now the words were just gone, leaving him fumbling through this. There was nothing but silence coming from the phone, and Sam knew Dean already suspected what was coming.   
“I ah, I met Castiel…Castiel Novak.” Sam clarified. Still nothing but deafening silence on the other end. 

Eventually after several minutes of silence Sam cleared his throat nervously.  
“You still there? Dean?” He asked.  
“Yeh, yeh I’m here.” Dean replied suddenly. Sam let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. He considered that maybe he should have told Dean to sit down first, maybe checked he was alone. Dimly he was aware that those things were part of what he’d rehearsed, but it was too late now. For all he knew, Dean was now hyperventilating in the middle of a grocery store. 

“Is he...Does he?” Dean was struggling to get the words out, and Sam felt a vague sense of déjà vu as he realised that had been what Castiel asked as well. He mentally kicked himself. He kept forgetting about checking the other half. While he doubted there were many Castiel’s in the world and even fewer Castiel Novaks, there was always the chance. 

“Yeh man, I saw it myself. He’s yours.” Sam reassured him hastily, and now he could hear Dean’s breathing and Sam wondered if he’d stopped during that awful silence.   
“That’s…I mean. Wow. Ok. So you met him?” Dean asked, his brain switching gears.  
“Yeh. He’s perfect for you Dean. I don’t want to ruin it, but he’s a student here.” Sam replied, knowing his brother would want to know the facts but not the details.   
He wanted Dean to be able to make up his own mind, leave him with his own first impressions and knew Dean would want the same. 

“Ok.” Dean said again heavily. “Ok.”   
“You alright there man?” Sam asked, knowing the answer, but giving Dean the opening.   
“Yeh. I mean, I think so?” Dean said, sounding unsure.   
Sam laughed silently. It wasn’t really funny. But the little brother in him couldn’t help but get a kick out of his usually boisterous and unflappable brother reduced to this. And it wasn’t as if it was bad news. Sam was aware that he’d just handed his brother everything he ever wanted on a plate. So he could enjoy what was happening without feeling too bad. 

“Do you think Bobby will give me time off? I mean, if he wants to meet me?” Dean asked, and Sam had to snuff another laugh. He sounded so lost.  
“Of course he wants to meet you. I offered to give him your number, but he said in person would be better. I think he’s right. And you know Bobby. He’ll be mad if you don’t come.” Sam reassured him.   
“Ok.”   
Sam could hear him take a deep breath, getting himself under control.  
“What about you?” Dean asked suddenly and Sam’s laughter was gone. 

“What about me?” Sam asked, playing dumb.  
“You know what. No Gabriel?” Dean asked, not bothering to hide his disappointment.   
A long protracted silence followed while Sam tried to work up the courage to answer. It was enough to give Dean an idea that something was up.  
“I ah, yeh, I met him too.” Sam said in a small voice.   
Normally Dean might have gone for a ‘congratulations’. But something was off about this whole thing.   
“And?” He prompted.  
“I ah, I told him my last name was Campbell.” Sam admitted. 

What followed next was an impressive string of curses and angry noises that Sam didn’t bother listening to. He just put the phone down and grabbed himself some water and took a long swallow before he picked the phone back up. 

“What the hell Sam?” Dean asked finally, when he’d stopped yelling.   
“Look, you know I’ve never been comfortable with this whole thing.” Sam said.  
It was enough to bring Dean up short. He did know Sam, and his brother had always been anxious about his mark. But Dean had assumed that meeting them would change that. Clearly he was wrong. Whatever it was that had Sam spooked it was more serious than he’d realised. And that was enough to wipe away the anger. 

This was probably his fault. Maybe he hadn’t explained it right back when they were kids. He’d only been working off what other kids at school had said. Their father certainly never talked about it. And Dean knew that Bobby had lost his own wife, and he didn’t want to risk angering him by bringing up old wounds. So he’d done his best when Sammy started asking questions, but he’d always brushed his fears aside when he brought them up. And now Sam was hiding from the one person, besides Dean, who was supposed to accept him. He silently berated himself for not doing better. He should have listened, should have made Sam talk about this earlier. 

“Look, Sam.” He started in a much calmer voice, surprising Sam. “I know you’re worried about him not liking you. But give him a chance at least?” Dean tried to convince. Sam sighed.  
“I am. I mean, I’m going to. I’m actually going to meet him for drinks tonight.” Sam admitted reluctantly.   
Dean breathed a sigh of relief. That was good at least.   
“Well how are you gonna stop him finding out about your last name? I mean you can’t lie forever.” Dean asked, hoping he wasn’t giving Sam excuses to run.   
“It’s not totally a lie.” Sam admitted. He’d avoided this for three years, but he figured there was no avoiding it now. 

“What do you mean?” Dean growled.   
“I mean I changed it when I moved.” Sam admitted. “I was angry alright? I didn’t want anything to do with Dad. So I changed it when I started school.”  
Dean didn’t know what to say. That was an even bigger blow than anything that had come so far. It was like Sam had spat on everything he’d ever done.

In a small voice Sam added.  
“I was planning on changing it back. Before I graduated. It…It doesn’t feel right.” Sam admitted. And suddenly Dean found he could breathe again. That admission turned the unforgivable sin into something he could live with. He remembered how hurt and angry Sam had been when he left. As a dramatic gesture to distance himself from their father, Dean could sympathise.   
“Make sure you do.” Was all he said, grudgingly. But they’d never needed words to communicate everything, and Sam slumped against the bench, knowing he’d been forgiven. 

“You know Sammy, if you want to talk about it. I know I’m not always the best at dealing with this stuff. But I’m sorry I never took you seriously. I thought meeting him would make it better.” Dean managed to choke out.   
He hated talking like this. Anything that came close to being emotional made him uncomfortable. But while they were breaking out the big guns, he figured he could handle it.

“It’s not your fault Dean. I know…I know I’m not normal.” Sam said sadly, and the pain in his voice broke Dean’s heart. How had he never noticed how much this was hurting his brother? He’d always known that it bothered him, but he’d never realised how bad it was.

“Listen to me Sam. Go have fun tonight. The guy might surprise you. But don’t you dare go beating yourself up over this. There’s nothing wrong with you. Hell, I probably should be the one worried here.” Dean grumbled.  
“You’ll be fine Dean. You’re gonna love him, I know it.” Sam said confidently.  
“Yeh but is he gonna love me?” Dean asked and the silence was on both ends of the phone this time. 

“Just promise me something Sammy.” Dean asked finally.  
“What?” Sam asked cautiously.   
“Tell him before you write this off in your head. If nothing else he deserves to know.” Dean said fervently.   
As much as he loved his brother, he had some sympathy for this Gabriel guy. Sam hesitated before he nodded to himself.   
“I will. But please Dean, don’t tell him.” Sam begged.   
He could hear Dean’s sigh over the line. 

“So what story are we telling them?” Dean asked reluctantly.   
“I told them you’re my cousin.” Sam said wincing slightly, knowing it was another blow. But Dean only shrugged to himself. At least he’d still made them family.   
“Alright Sammy. I’m gonna go start packing. I’ll be there tomorrow. I won’t blow your cover, but you better tell him soon. Cause I’m not gonna keep lying to Cas forever.” Dean warned.  
“Thanks Dean. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
Dean didn’t bother saying goodbye as he hung up.


	7. Chapter 7

It was almost 5pm and Sam was nervously picking at his sleeve. He’d changed four times, not being able to decide what to wear. He felt ridiculous. This wasn’t a date. Gabriel had made it clear that he just wanted to get to know Sam a little better because of Dean. That was all. Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself as he changed his shirt the third time. 

He was currently sitting at the bar, a glass of beer already in front of him trying not to watch the door. It was still pretty early for a Saturday night and he knew the place would soon be crowded. Even with the few people that were here, Gabriel still managed to sneak up on him. 

“Hey kiddo.” He said brightly and had to repress a laugh as Sam jumped. So he was nervous. That was…ok kind of adorable.   
“Hey Gabe.” Sam replied, instantly kicking himself for the nickname that slipped out. Thank fully Gabriel didn’t comment, just turned to the bartender and ordered himself a drink. 

“So, you call your cousin yet?” Gabriel asked.  
“Ah yeh, he’s stoked. Said he’s gonna try and get here by tomorrow.” Sam replied, glad for the easy topic to start with. Gabriel gave a low whistle.   
“He’s keen. He give you a flight time yet? Maybe we could swing an airport meeting” Gabriel asked with a wink.  
That gave Sam pause. Because he’d assumed Dean would drive. He was familiar with Dean’s fear of flying. And while it was normally a twenty-six hour drive non-stop, Sam knew with the way he drove, Dean could make it in twenty. So he’d already mentally assumed he’d get there the next afternoon, sometime in the afternoon. But he didn’t know how to explain that to Gabriel without him assuming Dean was some kind of irresponsible, reckless hoon. Which he was, but he didn’t want Gabriel to think that. So he tried to shrug nonchalantly. 

“Nah maybe give him a chance to clean up, get his bearings?” Sam suggested innocently.   
Gabriel narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the hesitation, but ended up shrugging. It sounded fair.   
“Guess we should give the princess time to gussy up.” Gabriel said mockingly.  
“Hey, Dean’s not a princess!” Sam protested good-naturedly.   
Gabriel laughed.   
“I wasn’t talking about Dean.” Gabriel replied with a wink and Sam laughed loudly.   
This time Gabriel was prepared and hid his reaction better, but he was still blown away by the sight. Somehow he didn’t think that would ever get old. 

“So what about you kiddo? You met yours yet?” Gabriel asked as casually as possible and immediately regretted it by the way Sam hunched into himself and all the laughter died from his face.  
“I ah…” Sam stammered and Gabriel was quick to come to the rescue.  
“Relax kid, it’s ok. None of my business.” He said lightly.   
If only he knew how very much it was his business, Sam thought bitterly. But he was glad Gabriel hadn’t pressed him. While he might not be being totally truthful, he wasn’t technically lying about his name. It had been legally changed. He wanted to avoid straight out lies as much as possible here.

“It’s ok.” Sam said honestly. “I’m single. But I don’t really date much.” He added self-consciously.   
In truth he’d never dated, not even in high school. This was probably the closest he’d ever got. Not that he was calling this a date, he reminded himself firmly.   
“Traditionalist huh?” Gabriel queried, while internally backpeddling. This guy couldn’t be serious right? Looking like that, he must have people flinging themselves at him.   
“Wouldn’t really peg you for the type.” Gabriel added. Sam just shrugged.   
“I guess I don’t see the point.” He said honestly.   
“So you really buy into this whole thing?” Gabriel asked curiously, gesturing to the cuffs that hid the names marking their wrists. 

Sam shrugged again.   
“I don’t know. I mean it seems pretty out there. There’s so many variable, so many things that don’t make sense about it. But even then, you can’t help holding out that little bit of hope you know? I mean, I don’t think I’m just gonna meet someone someday and everything will be perfect. But like, Dean’s coming all this way to meet a total stranger. And we’re all hoping it will work out. Hell, I bet he’s already got half their life planned out already. It’s kinda nice you know? To have faith like that.” Sam admitted.

Gabriel was staring at him and Sam was suddenly very self-conscious, and ducked his head, flushing with embarrassment. He should know better than to talk like that. He’d been mocked often enough in the past for his sentimentality, and he was expecting nothing but ridicule. But Gabriel just shook his head, snapping out of his daze to look up at Sam in awe.   
“You’re something kid.” Gabriel said fervently.   
Sam blushed and fiddled with his beer.

“What about you? You believe in all this?” Sam asked, deflecting.   
Gabriel took a moment to actually think about it. After Sam’s honesty, he felt he owed him the same.   
“I don’t really know. I didn’t used to. Dated a lot, had some fun. But I met a girl, she turned my whole life upside down. I didn’t believe in that whole destiny stick, convinced her it didn’t matter either. Till she met hers. Then she ripped my heart out and never looked back.” Gabriel admitted with a shrug. “So I guess I learned my lesson.”  
Sam looked down at him in sympathy.   
“I’m sorry Gabe.” He said softly.   
Gabriel smiled up at him sadly.

“In the past now kiddo. I got over it. But the way I see it, we have to make our own mistakes. Can’t say I wouldn’t be thrilled to meet this Winchester guy. But that don’t mean I have to be miserable and alone till then right? Everyone deserves a little fun.” Gabriel finished with a smirk. “So what do you say we go find some huh?”  
With that, Gabriel down the last of his drink and dragged Sam to his feet. 

What followed was a night Sam would never forget. Sam had lived in the town for over three years now and he thought he knew it pretty well. But after seeing it with Gabriel he felt like he’d barely scratched the surface. Gabriel knew places he never knew existed, dragging him to an underground bar that served their alcohol flaming, a Japanese karaoke bar and a sweet shop that was open 24/7 and sold the best caramel Sam had ever tasted that was tucked behind a gun shop in a dingy alley Sam would never have thought to walk down. 

By the time they stumbled to Sam’s apartment past 3am, Sam was sore from laughing and more than a little drunk. He was practically leaning against his doorframe to keep himself from swaying, as much from laughing as his impaired balance. Gabriel was laughing too hard at one of his own jokes and was practically hanging off Sam, doubled over and breathless. 

A neighbor stuck her head out with a disapproving scowl, which made them giggle harder as they tried to shush each other, only making more noise. The neighbour withdrew with one last filthy look, giving up on them as a lost cause. Finally they managed to contain themselves and Gabriel looked up at Sam appraisingly.   
“Who’d have thought you’d know how to have fun kiddo.” He teased easily.   
“I still don’t know how you managed to out drink me. You’re tiny.” Sam complained back.   
“I’ve had more practise.” Gabriel snarked back, earning a grin. 

“So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night?” Gabriel asked.   
“Tomorrow night?” Sam asked, confused.   
“Well I’m not sticking around with the love birds, that’s for sure. Might even have to find my own place if your cousin’s sticking around.” Gabriel grumbled.  
“Wait, you live with Cas?” Sam asked, sluggish brain slowly working through what he was saying.   
“Yep. Someone’s got to keep an eye on him.” Gabriel said cheerfully, no trace of resentment. Sam nodded and then hesitated before throwing away his caution. In the morning he’d blame the alcohol, but he had to admit, he definitely wanted to see Gabriel again.  
“You want to crash here? Tomorrow I mean?” Sam asked, not noticing the way Gabriel’s eyes sparked with mischief.   
“Well if you’re offering.” He agreed playfully. “See you tomorrow Sam.”

He then left an oddly bereft Sam in the hallway, leaning against his own door, feeling infinitely more alone than he had moments before. And that’s when Sam realised he was in trouble.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean pulled into the car park outside Sam’s apartment at 2:45pm the next day. Even for him it was some kind of record. He’d left at 4pm the previous day, only stopping when he had to. It left him feeling raw and more than a little fuzzy as he knocked on his brother’s door, but he’d been too keyed up to sleep. He was worried if he slept, he’d wake up and it would all be a dream. 

He banged on Sam’s door and was surprised to see his brother looking almost as bad as he did.   
“Dude what did you do?” Dean asked, incredulous, even as he pulled Sam in for a hug.   
“Late night.” Sam answered shortly.   
“Wait, seriously?” Dean asked, dumping his bag on Sam’s couch and making his way into the kitchen.   
He’d been there a few times before and had no problems making himself at home. Sam scoffed.  
“Dude no. Mind out of the gutter.” Sam protested, even as he pulled a fresh bottle of water out of the fridge and tossed it to Dean. He fumbled it a little, but managed to catch it and opened it gratefully. 

“So you had fun?” Dean asked cautiously. Even sleep deprived and starving he remembered how Sam sounded on the phone and didn’t want to push too much. But Sam just nodded, a small smile on his face.  
“Yeh I did.” He admitted.   
“Awesome.” Dean said. “I’m gonna grab some Zs. Wake me up when it gets dark will you?”   
“Sure. You can crash on my bed if you want. Might want to shower first though.”  
Sam added.   
Dean nodded gratefully. The idea of a shower sounded like heaven right now. So he followed Sam’s advice. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Sam puttered around the apartment quietly, not wanting to disturb his brother. He pulled out his phone and shot a quick text over to Gabriel, letting him know Dean had arrived. The response was almost instant, inviting them both over at 7. That gave Dean four hours sleep, with just enough to get ready. Sam knew he’d be mad that Sam let him sleep later than he planned, but he also knew his brother. Dean would stress himself out once he was awake. The less time he had to do it the better. 

So Sam spent the time throwing together a snack for Dean when he woke up and digging through his bag to find his clothes. He’d clearly packed in a hurry but Sam was pleased to see he’d included some of his nicer stuff. He recognized his brothers first date outfit and ironed it for him for when he woke up. Then he was left for hours worrying about his own clothes, tidying up his apartment and looking around it critically. It suddenly felt even smaller and shabbier than it was, and while Sam did his best, with his budget and his schedule, he didn’t exactly have a lot of time for home deco. Gabriel’ and Castiel’s place had been much nicer, but in the end Sam had to admit there wasn’t much he could do in a few hours without a paint roller and new floor boards. So it would have to do. 

When Sam went in to wake up Dean, he jerked awake with a groan, taking a moment to focus on Sam. As he did, he looked back out the window at the dark sky and back at Sam. Part of him was relieved. He was still here, it was all real. But it was later than he’d planned and he was about to open his mouth to yell at his brother when he noticed his clothes hanging on the door freshly ironed, and the plate of food in Sam’s hand. Clearly his brother was looking out for him and he swallowed his complaints, settling for a grateful nod. 

“That for me?” Dean asked hopefully, eyeing the burger, realizing how hungry he was.   
“Yeh man, but first you need to get up. You’re not getting crumbs in my sheets.” Sam said firmly.   
Dean sat up with a groan, already reaching for the plate that Sam tugged out of reach. He glared again, but swung himself out of bed and shambled past into the bathroom. When he came out, the plate was sitting on the coffee table and Dean tucked in with gusto. He hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours and he was starving. 

The first few bites were enough to quell the growling of his stomach, but it did nothing for the nausea. He realised that it had nothing to do with skipping meals and everything to do with whom he was about to meet. It was butterflies, the bad kind, and Dean wanted to kill them. 

Sam noticed his nerves and sat on the couch beside his brother.   
“It’ll be ok Dean.” He said reassuringly.  
Dean jerked stiffly, like he couldn’t decide between a nod or a shrug.  
“I just. What if he hates me?” Dean worried aloud. He’d had a long time alone in the car with no distractions and that was the thought his mind kept coming back to. 

Sam was silent for a moment. This was definitely something he could relate to. But having met Castiel, he didn’t think his brother had much to worry about.   
“Look Dean. I know this is a big deal for you. Hell, you’ve been talking about this since we were kids. But think about this logically. If he doesn’t love you, he’s not the right one. I don’t care what your mark says. He’d be crazy not to but if he doesn’t, he doesn’t deserve you.” Sam said confidently, even though he didn’t believe a word.   
It was so much easier to give pep talks than take them. Because he knew the same could easily be applied to himself, and yet, he couldn’t help but feel it was different. We’re all the exceptions to our own rules when it suits. 

Dean reacted about how Sam expected. He sighed in frustration.   
“You know that’s not how it works.” He said angrily.   
“Says who?” Sam asked, persisting. “People have been trying to figure this whole thing out for forever, and we still don’t know how it works.”  
Dean gave him a baleful look, but Sam could read him and knew it was helping a little. Now he needed to give Dean practical action. Dean always did better with actions than words.  
“Look, just get dressed. No point worrying about something you can’t change. You’ll see soon enough.” Sam said.   
“You’re right.” Dean agreed.   
“Just gotta man up and do this.” He muttered half to himself.   
He stood up and headed for the bedroom, food forgotten. He had someone to see.


	9. Chapter 9

Knocking. How hard could it be? He’d done it before, lots of times in fact. You just kind of curled up your hand, and hit the door a few times. Simple. So why was it so difficult now?

Dean’s resolve had lasted as long as it took to get dressed before his nerves cranked back up to eleven. Sam had eventually just dragged him out of the apartment when he started complaining about his shoes. That’s where Sam drew the line. Dean looked fine, better than fine really, and Sam highly doubted Cas would be looking at Dean’s shoes. 

So now they were standing in front of the Novak’s door, waiting for Dean to knock. Sam was staring at his brother’s frozen figure, waiting. He started counting down from ten in his head. He’d just hit two and was about to do it himself when Dean took a deep breath and knocked.

The door opened immediately, and Gabriel was standing there grinning.   
“You must be Dean.” He exclaimed cheerfully.   
“Heya Sammy.” He added with a grin, passing over the green-eyed cousin in favour of his tall brunette.   
“Hey Gabriel.” Sam acknowledged carefully.   
Dean was thrown enough to glance back at Sam. There were so many things that Sam could read in his expression. The clearest was ‘Really? Him?’ which Sam found vaguely insulting. Only the very real fear in Dean’s eyes stopped Sam from snapping. There was nothing wrong with Gabriel. Nothing at all. 

They were both caught off guard when Gabriel ducked past Dean with a wink.   
“Nice to meet you Deano. Behave yourself with my brother. You hurt him, I hurt you yadda yadda yadda. Have fun kiddies.” He said cheerfully before whisking Sam away down the hall.   
Sam was too surprised to resist and Dean was distracted enough that he didn’t immediately realise he was left standing in the open doorway. Then a deep voice drew his attention back to the apartment. 

“Hello Dean.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Hey Cas” Dean replied softly.

The words tumbled out unconsciously as he turned back to face the man staring at him. He was tall, though not as tall as Dean. With the exception of Sam, few people were. Dimly Dean was aware he was attractive, with a slim build, broad shoulders and messy dark hair. But it was his eyes that drew Dean’s attention. Bright, crystalline blue, so intense he didn’t think he could breathe. 

They stood staring at each other for several long moments before Castiel blinked. It seemed to break the spell.  
“Please, come in.” Castiel said, attention shifting to the still open door.  
Dean just about tripped over his own feet attempting to comply. Heat flushed his face. Stupid, clumsy, embarrassing, trust him to screw up something as simple as walking across a flat surface. 

Castiel noticed Dean’s hands shaking and his slight stumble as he turned to shut the door. Something about it set him at ease. It seemed Dean was just as nervous as he was. He couldn’t even begin to describe what he looked like. Green eyes, and the most perfect face he’d ever seen. His hands itched to draw him, even as his mind rebelled at the idea. There was no way to capture that level of perfection on paper. It was a living thing.

“Do you want a drink?” Cas asked, needing the excuse to leave the room for a moment.  
Dean nodded gratefully and Cas walked out. He braced himself against the bench in the kitchen, taking a deep breath. He was tempted to pull out his phone and ask Gabriel to return. His brother had promised that he’d come back if Cas really needed him. Cas would have preferred Sam and Gabriel to be here for the whole thing. But Gabriel insisted they needed to do this first meeting alone and he’d been resistant to all of Castiel’s entreaties. 

Cas wasn’t aware that in the living room Dean was having similar thoughts. He’d leant back against the door, not trusting his feet to hold him as he cursed himself mentally. He was such an idiot. He desperately wanted his brother back, but knew that was a crutch. They’d have to be alone eventually. So it was sink or swim. Right now Dean felt like he was drowning.

Castiel managed to pull himself together enough to grab two beers out of the fridge and return to the living room. Dean startled when he came back in, and Cas really couldn’t blame him. If he was even half as nervous as Castiel himself, he must be near ready to run. Cas handed the beer over and Dean took it gratefully. 

“Thanks Cas.” He said, forcing himself to take a sip, rather than downing the whole thing like he wanted.  
“Cas?” Castiel queried, as he gestured Dean to join him on the couch.  
Dean blushed a little as he sunk down onto the chair beside Castiel.

Unlike Sam, who’d only been a baby, Dean had a few memories of his mother before she died. One of the earliest had been when she was teaching him to read. He was only three, but Mary read to him every night, tracing out letters for him, and painting stories with her words. It had only been natural that he would ask about the words on his wrist.

She explained that it was the name of someone very special that he would meet someday and showed him how the letters came together to form the name. No matter how hard he tried, at three, Dean hadn’t been able to say it quite right. Cassiel was the closest he could get, not being able to fit his mouth around the extra letter. He’d been angry and frustrated, but Mary soothed him. Cas would be enough, a special name for a special friend, and Dean had smiled. The name had stuck, so much that even now, he rarely thought of Cas as Castiel. It seemed too formal and stuffy for something as intimate as what they had.

But Dean wasn’t ready to share that much quite yet. All the memories of his mother were precious to him, the only things of her he had left after the fire that had killed her consumed their house. So he shrugged self-consciously and gave an approximation of the truth.  
“Sorry, your name was kind of a mouthful for a kid. Guess it stuck.” Dean admitted.

It made something flip in Castiel’s stomach, the idea of a young Dean trying and failing to say his name, as Castiel himself had struggled with it, maybe repeating it in the dark as he’d done with Dean’s for so long. It made him somehow realer. Following an instinct he didn’t understand, Castiel placed his own drink on the coffee table beside Dean's, and reached for Dean’s hand.

“Do you mind?” He asked softly, gesturing tentatively to the cuff on Dean’s right wrist, the side closest to him.  
Dean couldn’t speak, just shook his head, eyes glued to Castiel’s face as he focused on Dean’s arm. He had to brace himself against the first brush of warm fingers on his skin as Castiel turned his hand over to access the buckles. 

There was a strangely persistent quality to his movements, an intensity that Dean felt a little overwhelmed at having turned his way. Castiel made short work of the simple clasp, and then he was tracing a finger gently over his name. Dean shivered at the light contact and Castiel looked up to meet his eyes. They held for a moment before Castiel released Dean’s arm carefully and pulled up his own sleeve. He hadn’t bothered with the cuff tonight, not feeling the need to hide it. 

Dean’s eyes darted down to Castiel’s exposed wrist and he saw it.  
_Dean Winchester ___,  
Written in a curling golden script across his skin. Dean reached for him compulsively before he remembered himself.  
“Do you mind…?” He breathed softly.  
“No.” Castiel rasped, equally soft. 

Dean traced his name lightly, aware of the way that simple touch turned Castiel’s breathing ragged and suddenly all his nerves were gone. Finally seeing the confirmation made it all real for Dean. This was it. This was _right ___. And he wasn’t going to let anything take that away.  
“Nice to meet you Castiel.” Dean said with a small grin, releasing his grip.  
Castiel tipped his head at him, a little confused.  
“It is good to meet you too Dean.” He replied seriously. “But I think I prefer Cas.” He admitted, making Dean grin wider.   
He sat back a little and clapped his hands together.  
“You hungry?” He asked, still grinning.  
Cas was a little thrown by this sudden change, though he nodded.  
“Gabriel made us dinner before he left..” Castiel replied.  
“Excellent.” Dean said making to stand, but Castiel grabbed his sleeve, pulling him back down. He looked at him confused.  
“I don’t understand.” Cas admitted, looking lost.  
The entire mood had just changed and he didn’t understand what Dean wanted from him. Dean’s heart thumped painfully as he looked into Cas’s blue eyes, taking in the distress there. He took both of Cas’s hands in his.

“You ever been on a date Cas?” Dean asked gently.  
As expected, Cas shook his head.  
“I am not unfamiliar with the concept.” He added a little defensively.  
“Ok, well, then you know how this works. We’re gonna have some food, and talk. Maybe put on a little music. I want to get to know you.” Dean explained patiently. “That sound good?”  
Castiel nodded.  
“I would like to know you too.” Cas replied. Dean grinned.  
“Alright then.” Dean said, standing up again. “Let’s do this.”


	11. Chapter 11

Once they got started it was surprisingly easy. Castiel disappeared into the kitchen, carefully following all of Gabriel’s instructions to put their dinner together. Dean occupied himself flipping through the record collection. Honest to god, bonafide records. Quite a selection too. 

He’d started with the cd’s, but found them all to be euro trash techno and cheesy 80’s music. For now, he decided to attribute them to the tiny blonde who’d blown past him in the hall. Gabriel. If he’d spent a long time trying to picture his own soulmate, he’d spent almost as long trying to picture his brothers. That guy didn’t even come close. He was tiny, loud and apparently had terrible taste in music. Although he had to admit, there’d been one or two good bands in there. 

Pulling out a drawer of records, he’d been sure these belonged to Cas. It wasn’t the Metallica and AC/DC that made up the staple of Dean’s listening choices, but he could appreciate the old school approach. He ended up selecting one at random and after fiddling with the player for a while, managed to get it going. 

It left him with nothing to do while he waited for Cas to emerge from the kitchen, so he set back to examining the room. It was a nice place, well furnished and quite a few steps up from the somewhat shabby apartment his brother had, or the even shabbier room he had back in Lawrence. No longer content to wait, he found Cas in the kitchen. 

“You play?” Dean asked casually, leaning against a bench and watching Cas work.  
He started slightly but shook his head with a fond smile.  
“The piano? No, that’s Gabriel’s.” Cas replied easily.  
Dean noticed the way Cas softened slightly on his brother’s name and couldn’t help his own smile. He knew he was the same way about Sam. Clearly the brothers were close. That made him feel slightly uneasy as he realised that Sam’s reluctance might just spell trouble for them all. He scoffed to hide his sudden unease. 

“You mean that pipsqueak knows what a piano is?” Dean asked, half distracted.  
But he didn’t miss the disapproving look from Cas.  
“Sorry.” He backtracked hastily. “You wouldn’t guess it from his music collection. Those cds are terrible.” Dean tried to explain.  
Cas turned on him properly.  
“What if I told you they were mine?”  
Dean’s stomach dropped and he was left staring at Cas in abject horror and disbelief for a moment at how everything had gone suddenly wrong when Cas smirked. It was subtle, barely a twitch, but that was definitely a smirk and Dean jaw dropped in shock.  
“Did you just…was that a joke?” Dean asked helplessly. 

“Maybe.” Castiel said smugly, turning back to the bench.  
Dean stared at his turned back and then broke out into a grin. He didn’t know how to respond to a Cas that made jokes. But he sure did like it. 

“So, they are his right?” Dean pressed.  
Surprisingly Cas snorted.  
“Yes. Gabriel’s taste is…eclectic. I believe sometimes he likes to pretend to be more childish than he is.” Cas informed him.  
Dean nodded to himself. The guy was matched with Sam. There needed to be hidden depths in there somewhere, or it would never work. But tonight wasn’t about him. 

“What about you? Any hidden talents?” Dean asked casually.  
To his surprise, Cas blushed a little but stayed silent.  
“Come on Cas. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?” He teased.  
That got Castiel’s interest. He turned away from the bench to face Dean again, head turning sideways in an appraising look.  
“I draw.” Cas admitted turning away again embarrassed.  
He never showed anyone his sketches. His brother of course had no sense of privacy and would snoop through his sketchbooks. But he’d never willingly shown anyone. 

Dean nodded.  
“Guitar.” He replied, not wanting to make a big deal out of it, even though Dean was now itching to see his artwork.  
“Will you play for me sometime?” Cas asked, intrigued.  
“Anytime.” Dean said gently. 

They continued talking until dinner was ready, and they both settled at the table. The record Dean had selected by chance was slow and crooning, and it helped fill the silences as they ate. They were both still aware of the pressure, of the enormity of this, but as they ate and talked and listened, they both started to relax. 

Dean never realised how much there was to know about a person until he was left trying to limit himself on questioning Cas. He wanted to know everything about him, but he was trying not to overwhelm the other man. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement not to talk about their parents. Dean had picked up early that it was an unwelcome topic, and Cas seemed to do the same. 

Instead they talked about what they did. Dean had explained that he was a mechanic, how Bobby had given him a job in high school, helped him through his apprenticeship, and kept him on after. Dean usually took great pride in what he did. He was excellent at his job. But he was very conscious of the fact that he’d barely finished high school, never went to college. Sam was the smart one, the one who loved learning. Dean was more practical. But Castiel didn’t look down on him for it. He seemed genuinely interested.

In return, Castiel told him about his classes. Dean had restrained himself when talking about his cars, because he was too familiar with that glazed over look on people’s faces when he went on about them. Cas had no such restraint, and Dean listened fondly as he went into a detailed explanation about the way bees were important to ancient Mycenaean culture. 

Dean wasn’t so much listening to the words. He was just enjoying the way Cas suddenly became animated, talking about something that clearly fascinated him. He gestured slightly, and his deep voice was almost hypnotic. Dean could listen to him for hours. He was pulled out of it when Cas stopped abruptly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m boring you.” Cas said self-consciously.  
“What? No, you’re not.” Dean protested.  
“Gabriel has informed me that most people do not find ancient cultures as fascinating as I do.” Cas said, disbelievingly.  
“Yeh well, I’m not most people.” Dean said stubbornly earning a pleased smile.  
“So why was that Apollo guy important?” Dean prompted, trying to remember where Cas had left off. Cas immediately started in explaining again and Dean listened contentedly, not caring how late it was getting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other archangels (M, L and R) or no? Anyone have preferences? I'm still working out the Novak backstory and haven't decided whether to include them or not.


	12. Chapter 12

Gabriel was still laughing when he dragged Sam into the elevator.   
“So that’s your cousin huh?” He asked finally.   
Sam shrugged.  
“That’s Dean yeh.” He said worriedly. “I’m surprised you didn’t try to grill him.” Sam admitted.   
“Oh I thought about it. But then I saw him standing outside the door for five minutes like a statue. Decided he could use a break.” Gabriel said, smiling.   
“Wait, what?”  
“Door cam. Hooked it up a while ago. Someone kept trying to prank our room. Amateur stuff, but I had to know who it was. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell Cassie. It’s hooked up to my phone.” Gabriel explained. 

Sam shook his head. He had to admit it must have looked pretty funny. But he did feel a little sorry for Dean. He quickly forgot about it as they made their way back to Sam’s apartment. Dean had driven them over, using the car to take the edge off some of his nerves, but Sam was happy to walk back. They both lived fairly close to campus, and it was a nice night out. 

Gabriel noticed Dean’s car parked outside his building. He gave a low whistle as they passed it. Sam had to bite back a grin. Dean worshipped that car, and he could gush for hours. He just hoped Cas didn’t make the mistake of bringing it up.   
“’67 Impala.” Sam said helpfully, earning a surprised look from Gabriel.   
“Don’t tell me you’re a secret car nerd?” He asked surprised. Sam shrugged.   
“It’s kinda hard to be around Dean and not pick up a few things.” Sam said casually.   
“Mechanic. Right.” Gabriel said. “Wait, that isn’t his car is it?” He added suspiciously. 

Sam looked away guiltily and Gabriel stopped walking.  
“Are you kidding me?” Gabriel asked. “I thought you said he lives in Kansas.”  
“He does.” Sam admitted sheepishly. He could see Gabriel doing the math.   
“That’s,” he paused counting on his fingers, “that’s at least 1500 miles!”  
Sam didn’t really have an answer for that.   
“Is he insane?” Gabriel asked, semi-seriously.  
“No, I mean.” Sam sighed. “He’s terrified of flying ok? And he didn’t want to wait. You have no idea how badly he wants this Gabe. Ever since we were kids.”  
Sam ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He needed Gabriel to understand.  
“Look, John? He wasn’t exactly winning any parent of the year awards. And ou- his mum died when he was really little. I’m the only family he’s really got.” Sam said, exasperated, only just remembering his story in time. 

Gabriel deflated, anger forgotten. He didn’t like seeing Sam upset. He stepped a few paces closer.  
“Woah kiddo, it’s ok. I know what it’s like losing family. It can mess you up. Cassie’s the same. Doesn’t like to talk about it, but I know how badly he wants this.” Gabriel admitted.  
Sam nodded and took a deep breath.  
“So we’re ok?” He asked tentatively.   
“You and me? We’re good. I might have to talk to your cousin though. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell Cassie his soulmate got himself killed because he was too stubborn to spend a night in a hotel.” Gabriel said seriously.   
Sam didn’t exactly disagree. His brother scared him sometimes too, though he was more used to it. 

“Ok. Can we just forget it for now?” Sam asked.  
Gabriel nodded. He wasn’t going to blame Sam for his cousin’s reckless behaviour.  
“Sure thing kiddo. Let’s go.”  
With anyone else, they might have been left in awkward silence after that exchange but Gabriel wasn’t most people. He remained his bright, cheerful self, and Sam was soon back at ease and smiling again. It wasn’t until they reached his door that he felt uncomfortable again. 

“It’s not much.” He said awkwardly as he opened his front door and held it open for Gabriel to walk in. Gabriel just waved him off.   
“Not bad kiddo. You got this place to yourself?” He asked.  
“Ah yeh. Spent a year in dorms. I wanted the space.” Sam admitted with a shrug.  
Gabriel gave him a look.   
“You should have seen the place I was staying before Cassie showed up. Total nightmare.” He said offhandedly. 

“I thought….” Sam trailed off and blushed a little when Gabriel raised an eyebrow. He’d assumed Gabriel and his family were loaded, but didn’t want to admit it out loud.   
“Every family has their drama” Gabriel said lightly, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the couch.   
“Sorry I didn’t mean…”  
Gabriel cut him off with a sigh. Sam had already told him some of his family drama. It was only fair to repay the favour. He flopped down on the couch, making himself at home and looked pointedly at the door Sam was still holding.

Sam stepped forward and shut the door behind him, moving to sit uncomfortably at the other end of the couch.   
“It’s not like it’s a secret Sam. I ran away. I got three older brothers. Dad disappeared and everyone started fighting, and I wanted out. I didn’t get cut off, but I didn’t want to touch anything that belonged to my dad. Barely managed to scrape by on some scholarships, got a job making coffee, and I was living in a place with five other guys but I was doing it on my own you know? But then a few years later, Cassie tracked me down. Got into school here, even ended up in the same department. Seems the stories I told him when he was little got stuck. Go figure. Anyway, I wasn’t going to let him go through that. So we compromised.” Gabriel explained.

Of course it was more complicated than that. It seemed Castiel had followed in his favourite brother’s footsteps and cut all ties with their family. But Gabriel couldn’t let things stay like that. Bad enough for him, he’d always been the black sheep of the family. But Castiel was the baby and they all loved him. So Gabriel had done the thing he’d sworn he’d never do, he’d gone back to his family and patched things up as best he could. He still refused to see them any more than he had to, and holidays were a living nightmare. But it achieved his goal of getting Castiel back in the fold. 

Gabriel had reluctantly agreed to start using his inheritance and his trust fund. With their dad officially declared dead, it was all technically his now. It was only for Castiel’s sake though. But it came with the added bonus that they both started using their trust funds to pay off tuition, both for themselves and the friends they made. As Gabriel said, there was no point in being filthy rich if you didn’t use it to help the people you care about. 

He didn’t tell Sam any of that. It was enough that he knew the basics and he didn’t want to dwell on his family, he’d cut them out for a reason. He braced himself for the inevitable sorry that came when people found out his story, but once again Sam surprised him. 

“I know what that’s like.” Sam said softly. “I ran away too.”  
“Well it looks like you’re doing better than I did.” Gabriel reassured with a smile, looking around pointedly. “But look at us! When did we board the train the sadsville. We’re supposed to be having fun. What’s for dinner?” Gabriel added brightly.   
He planned to make the most of his night with Sam, and talking about his family was not part of that.

Sam shrugged.   
“I ah, was thinking we might order something?” Sam admitted.   
He could cook well enough to get by, but he’d already got the sense that Gabriel knew a thing or two about food, and he didn’t want to embarrass himself.   
“Remind me to cook for you sometime.” Gabriel said with a smirk. “But for now, how does pizza sound?”  
“Perfect.”

It didn’t take long before they were both settled back on the couch, much more comfortable this time, with a pizza and a few beers spread out across the table. Somehow they ended up with a b-grade horror flick that ended up being more funny than scary, at least with Gabriel’s commentary. 

It was late by the time Sam put a second movie on. He had class in the morning, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He didn’t exactly relish the idea of being alone again, and Gabriel was good company. When Gabriel started yawning about half way through the second movie, a trashy sequel that was even worse than the first, Sam didn’t think twice about it. He was also determinedly not thinking about the way they’d somehow ended up much closer together. 

When Gabriel’s head dropped on his shoulder, fast asleep, he considered waking him up. But as Sam looked down at his soulmate, now curled up against him, sleeping peacefully, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So he settled back into the couch and resigned himself to a bad movie and stiff muscles. He knew this was all going to end badly. But he could allow himself one night.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean and Cas were on a couch of their own, talking quietly. It was past midnight and their food had been abandoned long ago. Neither of them were usually big on talking. Dean was mouthy and belligerent when he was in trouble, but he didn’t usually say much that was serious. As for Cas, he was more at home watching people rather than conversing with them. But they’d both found themselves fascinated by this stranger that had suddenly appeared in their lives, and each wanted to know more about the other. 

Dean had long stopped worrying about the whole soulmate deal. Sure it was still there, but it no longer seemed to matter. All that mattered was Cas. Coaxing smiles out of him, watching the way his blue eyes lit up when he hit a topic he was excited about, talking about the future. It was like a drug, and Dean couldn’t seem to get enough.

But when Castiel’s speech started getting punctuated by yawns and Dean found his own eyelids drooping, he knew it was time to call it a night. So Dean reached out and, very deliberately, slid a hand across Cas’s knee. Castiel’s eyes snapped to Dean’s.

One of the most fascinating things about Cas was that Dean couldn’t seem to predict his reactions. There was no uncertainty, or lust or anything else he might have expected from that move, just a kind of curiosity, as if Dean had proposed an interesting experiment. He smiled idly at the comparison. 

“Dean-“ Cas started, but Dean shook his head.  
“I gotta go.” Dean explained.  
Castiel looked uncertain for a moment before his face cleared, blue eyes intent.   
“You don’t have to.” Cas said lowly, and Dean’s eyes blew wide.  
“God, Cas, what did I ever do to deserve you.” Dean asked softly.  
Cas shook his head.  
“Good things do happen. I am glad to have met you Dean.” Cas said sincerely.   
Then he surprised them both by leaning forward and kissing Dean firmly. 

It was messy and unpracticed and Dean quickly took control, threading his fingers through Cas’s dark hair like he’d been wanting to do all night. He was rewarded with an enthusiastic noise from Cas and he deepened the kiss easily. Cas clung to him like he was drowning, but when he started fumbling with the buttons on Dean’s shirt, Dean trapped his hands with his own and drew back with a groan, shaking his head. 

“Slow down there, sweetheart.” Dean panted.   
They were both breathing hard, and Cas looked even more mussed than he had to start with. He was eyeing Dean with hurt and confusion. Dean was quick to reassure him.   
“I want to. You have no idea. But I have to go home tomorrow.” Dean started.  
Cas felt like he’d just had cold water thrown on him, and he shifted back, uncomfortably, pulling his hands away.   
“I apologise, I should not have assumed-“  
Dean cut him off.   
“I’m coming back Cas. For good. But I have to get back to work, get things sorted. I can’t just run out on my whole life, you know? And I…hell I want to do this right. That is, if you want to.” Dean asked hesitantly, suddenly doubting his own assumptions.   
Castiel’s response was a smile so beautiful Dean forgot how to breathe.   
“Of course.” Cas said firmly. “We are soulmates, Dean. I…I am glad that you are considering moving here. But if you asked me to, I would go with you.” 

Dean just gaped at him.   
“I couldn’t let you do that! You were just saying how much you love your work. You’re hoping to get into the grad department. I couldn’t ask you to give that up.” Dean exclaimed.   
“You are more important.” Cas replied firmly.   
“Look, Cas, just because we’re soulmates, doesn’t mean you have to give up your whole life! You barely even know me. You don’t have to just follow orders. You have a choice here.” Dean protested.   
He didn’t want to think Cas was just going to blindly follow what his mark said.   
“Even if we were not, I believe I would still choose you, Dean.” Castiel said gravely.   
Dean didn’t have a response for that. The intensity of those blue eyes was too much. But he forced himself to meet it. 

“Well then it’s a good thing I’m not asking.” He said finally. “You need to stay here, focus on school. I’ll be back, I promise. As soon as I find a job.”   
There was something like hesitation in Castiel’s face. It caught Dean’s attention.   
“What?” He asked suspiciously.   
“You would not need a job.” Cas admitted. “I…My family is quite wealthy. Money would not be an issue.”

Dean made a point of looking around the room.  
“Yeh, I kinda gathered that Cas.” He said with fond exasperation. “But I like my job. I can’t just sit around all day waiting for you. I need to earn my own keep.”  
Cas nodded. Gabriel had explained to him that some people were uncomfortable taking money from others.   
“I understand. How long?” Cas asked, knowing he wouldn’t like that answer.  
“After Christmas? Maybe longer?” Dean guessed. He’d need to start looking for a place, give Bobby notice, time to train a replacement. Moving across country wasn’t something he could manage quickly. 

Cas looked thoughtful.   
“May I propose a compromise?” He asked.  
“What did you have in mind?” Dean replied.   
“December. Even if you have not found a job. I understand it is important. But I have faith you will find one, even if it takes longer. But promise me you will come then?”

Dean thought it over. It was halfway through October. It would give him a bit over a month, long enough to get everything else done, say good bye properly. And he supposed it didn’t matter if he didn’t have a job straight away. It would be easier to find something once he was here anyway. He didn’t like the idea of living off Cas, but hopefully it would only be a short time. Maybe he could even start his own garage. It was a dream of his, one he’d never admitted out loud. Suddenly he realised he had possibilities in his future. So he nodded, agreeing.   
“Ok, deal. And we can do Christmas together.” Dean said firmly, earning another smile.  
“We’ll still talk though yeh?” Dean asked, unsure.   
“Of course.” Castiel replied, before they both stood.

Dean was reluctant to leave. He was planning to head back first thing in the morning, and it would be the last time seeing Cas. It had only been a few short hours, but Dean already knew he would miss the man terribly. They stood near the door for several long moments just looking at each other, memorizing features. Then Dean finally stepped forward and pulled him into a long hug. 

“I’m going to miss you.” Dean admitted, pulling back.   
“I will miss you too.” Cas replied. His blue eyes were swimming and Dean couldn’t resist one last, long lingering kiss. Then he straitened abruptly, and opened the door. He didn’t look back as he walked out. He didn’t think he’d have the strength to leave if he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is appreciated. Thank you for all the lovely comments :)


	14. Chapter 14

Dean let himself into Sam’s apartment, and was brought up short by the sight of his brother on the couch, with Gabriel fast asleep against his side. The tv was on, playing the tail end of a slasher, but the apartment was dark and the volume was down low. Sam threw Dean a dangerous look as he placed a finger against his lips. Dean answered with a look of his own. They’d be having words about this later. 

For now, Dean settled for glaring. Sam shook his head and jerked it towards his bedroom door. They didn’t need words to communicate. All of Dean’s disapproval came through in that one look, as did Sam’s reply, telling him to go screw himself, and to go to bed. 

Dean went, but he didn’t go to sleep yet. His mind was full of blue eyes and a deep voice, and he kept replaying the night over in his mind as he took a shower. When he came out, he could hear indistinct voices from the living room. Gabriel must be awake. Dean gave them a few minutes before he walked back out to find Sam alone. 

“Where’s the midget?” Dean asked quietly, aware that this was not something he wanted Gabriel to overhear.  
“Gave him the spare room.” Sam said shortly. “It’s too late for him to head back.”  
“You tell him yet?” Dean asked pointedly.   
Sam shook his head angrily.  
“None of your business Dean.” He said turning away.   
“What? Hey, no. Of course it’s my business. What do you think Cas is gonna think when he finds out, huh?” Dean pointed out.   
Sam deflated almost immediately. 

“I know Dean, I’m sorry. I just. I can’t.” Sam pleaded.   
Dean gave him a hard look   
“Looked pretty cosy to me.” He said critically. “You clearly like him, so what’s the problem?”  
Sam ran a tired hand over his face.   
“I’m the problem.” He admitted quietly. 

Dean wasn’t prepared for the absolutely devastated look on his brother’s face as he spoke. Even though they were whispering, he could still hear the layers of pain in that statement.   
“What the hell Sammy? What’s got in your head?” Dean asked, anger blown away with concern.   
“Nothing Dean. Look, it’s late and I have class in the morning. Can we just drop it?”  
Dean shook his head stubbornly.   
“I’m leaving in the morning.”

“What? But you just got here!” Sam exclaimed.   
“I know. Me and Cas worked it out. I’ll be back soon, before Christmas, this time for good. But I got to get back, get things sorted. Bobby’s got a few big jobs coming in this week. If I can get through them, I should make enough to start working on moving.” Dean explained. 

He’d discussed it with Bobby before he left. And while his adoptive father was more than happy to give Dean as much time as he wanted, Dean knew he’d be taking a loss for it. And Dean owed him so much better than that. He had the rest of his life with Cas. At least he hoped so. He could spare a few weeks to do right by the man who’d given them everything. Dean didn’t like to think where he and Sam would have been without Bobby. 

“So it went well?” Sam asked, curious.   
The smile the spread across Dean’s face was brighter than any Sam remembered seeing, and it was all the answer Sam needed, even without Dean’s nod.   
“Congrats man. I mean it. I’m happy for you.” Sam said sincerely.   
“Thanks Sammy.” Dean said, allowing himself to be happy for a moment.   
Then he sighed as he sank down on the couch.

“Now tell me what’s going on in that screwball head of yours” Dean asked, calmer this time.   
Sam shook his head and sat down beside his brother.   
“I just…Who’s to say this even means anything?” Sam asked, gesturing to his wrist. “I mean, what we’re just supposed to find the one with the right name and fall in love? The real world doesn’t work like that. I’m glad you’re happy Dean, I really am. Cas is great. I just don’t think I’m gonna get that.” Sam admitted.   
Dean thought carefully for a minute before he spoke. He wasn’t good at things like this, usually just blurting out whatever came to mind. But this was his brother. He’d practically raised the kid, knew him better than anyone. He could get through this. 

“I get it, none of it makes any sense. You know I hate all that destiny crap. But you got to take a chance. I can tell you like the guy. Just, give him a shot, get to know him. Maybe it’ll click.” Dean suggested, trying to be sympathetic.   
His head was still swimming from his meeting with Cas, and he couldn’t imagine not wanting him to know who he was. But it seemed Sam didn’t feel the same. But Dean refused to think that meant there was something wrong. 

“I’m trying Dean. But the problem isn’t me liking him.” Sam muttered.   
Dean scoffed.  
“Please, that pipsqueak would be lucky to have you.” Dean mocked and Sam swiped at him. “But he’s never going to know if you don’t tell.” He added seriously. 

That’s when something clicked for Dean. Maybe that’s what Sam was worried about. The same thing Dean had been concerned about with Cas. That he was only doing it because of the mark. It was the only thing that made sense to Dean, and he had to admit, it did make sense. Sam was one of the most affectionate people he knew, he’d have thought he’d be jumping at the chance with his soul mate. But not if he was worried that Gabriel was only going along with it because it’s how it was supposed to work. If Gabriel fell for him without knowing Sam was the one, it would prove this whole thing, once and for all. 

Dean looked at his brother thoughtfully.   
“Look Sammy, I’ll give you some time to get this sorted. But once I’m back, that’s it. I’m not lying to Cas anymore. And god help you if this gets between us.” Dean threatened.  
Sam paled.  
“No, Dean. That’s the last thing I want!” He protested, distressed.   
“I know Sammy. You know I just want you to be happy right?” Dean asked.   
Sam nodded dumbly.   
“You too man. I’ll tell him, I will. Promise.” Sam said. 

Dean finally reached his limit. He was rarely this open. It made him uncomfortable.  
“Alright then, should we braid our hair now, maybe give shortstack in there a makeover? Since we’re all done talking about boys?” Dean asked sarcastically.   
Sam shot him a look.  
“Good night Dean.” Sam said pointedly, but Dean could see the amusement there.   
“Wait, where am I sleeping?” Dean asked hurriedly. “You gave away my bed.”  
“Take mine, I’ll sleep here.” Sam answered, gesturing to the couch.   
Dean nodded gratefully and made his way into Sam’s room. He went to sleep with a smile on his face.


	15. Chapter 15

Gabriel jerked awake and for a moment panicked when he didn’t recognize where he was. Then memories from last night came back and he shut his eyes with a groan. He’d spent the night with Sam, watching movies, being slowly driven crazy until he’d…his eyes snapped open. He’d fallen asleep on Sam.

Well that was embarrassing. And also really confusing. It wasn’t the first time he’d fallen asleep on a friend’s couch, or even on a friend. It was the first time he hadn’t been rudely shaken off, or had someone take advantage of the opportunity to prank him while he was out. But Sam had just…let him sleep. Almost like it had been a date. Except it hadn’t been. Had it?

The confusion only added to the churning mess of emotions swirling around. He was nervous for his brother, anxious about this Dean guy, and oh did he mention crushing pretty hard on his new friend? He couldn’t explain the way Sam made him feel, but it was a whole lot friendlier than friends. Sitting on the couch last night had been a struggle to keep it casual and not to snuggle up with the guy. A battle he apparently lost when he lost consciousness. Although, it didn’t seem like Sam had minded. 

Gabriel laughed at himself. He was getting ridiculous. So Sam was a nice guy. It didn’t mean anything. He rolled out of bed with a groan. It was still early, ridiculously early in fact, not even seven yet. But Sam had mentioned a class at nine so he would be getting up soon.

He’d borrowed some clothes to sleep in, something that gave him a nervous kind of thrill he’d never admit to, to be wearing Sam’s rather too big clothes. It seemed he was the first one up. He had a quick shower, pulling on his clothes from the day before with distaste before making his way to the kitchen. Sam was passed out on the couch, and Gabriel padded around the kitchen quietly. He didn’t want to wake him up.

He started pulling things out of the fridge, silently opening cupboards, and finding a pan. Then he set about making breakfast. He’d gathered from their conversations last night that Sam didn’t know how to cook very well, and the least he could do was make them all breakfast. Gabriel was hoping to have a chance to meet this Dean guy, get his measure before he went home to listen to Castiel gush. He was sure there would be gushing. 

It didn’t take long before the smell of bacon roused the two sleeping boys. Dean was the first to wake. He shuffled out, bleary eyed, and threw himself on a stool.  
Gabriel smirked at him.  
“Late night?” He asked with a suggestive eyebrow waggle.  
Dean blushed and grumbled. Clearly not a morning person. 

On the couch, Sam stirred.  
“Morning sunshine.” Gabriel called cheerfully.   
Sam rolled his eyes, but managed to sit up and ran a hand through his hair. The unruly mess immediately straightened itself out into perfectly tumbling locks and Gabriel stared for a moment. The man was already flawless. Perfect hair was going just a little too far. 

He dragged his eyes away, and turned back to Dean.  
“If you want coffee you’ll have to make it yourself.” He said as he slid the food onto three plates. He kept his own portion small. He was surrounded by giants, and no doubt they ate to match. 

Sam gave him a soft, sleepy smile as he stepped past him to start on the coffee and Gabriel found himself suddenly wondering where all the air had gone. He’d never thought of himself as domestic, but he had to admit he could get used to this. All he needed was his brother to make it perfect. No doubt Dean was thinking the same thing.

“So, how’d the date go.” Gabriel said brightly to distract himself.   
Dean just shook his head.  
“Coffee now, talk later.” Dean grumbled around a mouthful of egg, making Gabriel laugh. Oh they definitely were not morning people. 

Luckily Sam was an expert at negotiating with his coffee maker while he was half asleep and had three steaming mugs ready to dish out within a few minutes. Sam and Dean drank theirs straight down. Gabriel ignored their looks if disgust as he dumped sugar into his. 

“So boys, what’s the plan?” Gabriel asked when he noticed they both looked more awake. Dean shrugged.  
“I got to head back today. Get things sorted. Gonna move out here. Was planning on it anyway for Sam.” Dean explained shortly. Now he was more awake, he was paying attention to the guy who was supposedly his brother’s soulmate. Cas had mentioned him quite a bit, but he was having trouble figuring the guy out. 

Gabriel narrowed his eyes and turned on Dean.  
“Oh yeh and how were you planning on doing that?” Gabriel asked looking fierce.   
Sam smirked into his mug. He was enjoying the startled look on Dean’s face, and it was always fun watching someone call his older brother out.   
“Uh, what?” Dean said intelligently.   
“How’d you get here Dean?” Gabriel asked threateningly.   
“I ah..I drove?” Dean answered hesitantly. He’d never admit it, but Gabriel was scary like this. 

“Well unless you have a time machine in your back pocket, you broke every speed sign in the state, and probably didn’t sleep for 24 hours while you were at it.” Gabriel explained frustrated.   
Dean looked to Sam for help. He didn’t understand the big deal.   
“What are you, my dad?” Dean scoffed.   
“Come on Deano, you really want me to be the one to tell my baby bro you got yourself killed cause you couldn’t stay awake on the road?” Gabriel asked.   
It was the same thing he’d said to Sam last night.

 

Sam knew it was the wrong tactic to use with Dean. His brother didn’t like people questioning his abilities.  
“Don’t get your panties all in a twist. Geez overreact much?” Dean mocked.   
“Our mum died in a car accident you ass. So yeh, I’m a little sensitive about it.” Gabriel replied mockingly.  
Dean instantly felt awful.  
“Oh man, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Dean said sincerely. 

Gabriel just shrugged. He hadn’t really meant to bring it up. It had happened when Castiel was just a baby. His brothers never talked about their mother. It was like she’d never existed.   
“I promise I’ll pull over somewhere alright?” Dean tried to console.   
He knew how he felt whenever someone brought up their mother, and he felt like an ass. Even he had to admit, driving a day straight was pretty reckless.

Gabriel took the admission as the apology it was.   
“You better.” Gabriel warned, before he grinned. “So, how was the date?” He asked brightly, mood changed completely.  
Dean threw Sam a look, but Sam only shrugged. He was quickly learning that Gabriel didn’t hold onto anything for long. Secretly Sam was wondering if that was because he didn’t care, or if it was all an act. He had his own suspicions, but he wasn’t going to start now. So he rolled his eyes, enough to tell Dean to just go with it. 

“Ah yeh, it was good.” Dean mumbled, embarrassed.   
Gabriel was leering at him now, and he buried his face in his coffee mug to avoid it. Gabriel rolled his eyes.  
“Fine, I’ll have to get all the details out of Cassie.” Gabriel said, sighing dramatically.   
“Anyways, boys, it’s been fun. I gotta book. See you around Sam.” He added with a wink, barely giving them time to react before he was waving out the door. 

He left a stunned Sam and Dean in his wake, blinking at each other.   
“Dude, I think you got jacked.” Dean said, breaking the silence.   
Sam shook his head ruefully, but he couldn’t help the smile. Dean caught it and couldn’t help his own grin.  
“On second though, maybe he’s good for you.” Dean said.   
Sam gave him a look as he gathered up the plated.   
“No man, I mean it. He’s a pushy little thing, but he’s kinda…fun. In an obnoxious sort of way.” Dean added. 

He was torn between mocking the guy and wanting Sam to warm up to him. If he was picking someone for his brother, Gabriel would probably be the last person, but it also made sense in a weird way. His brother could be a moody recluse sometimes. He needed someone who would bully him out of it, and make him laugh. 

“Drop it Dean. We already went over this.” Sam said seriously.   
“Whatever man.” Dean conceded, before slouching off into the bedroom. 

Five minutes later, Sam had the kitchen tidy, and Dean was back, dressed and ready to leave. Sam pulled him into a hug at the door.   
“I’m sorry Dean. I know this isn’t ideal. But I’m happy for you.” Sam said again.   
“I know Sammy.” Dean replied. “See you later.”  
With that, he left and Sam was alone again.


	16. Chapter 16

Despite the weeks seemingly life-changing events, Sam was surprised by how quickly everything went back to normal. He was left alone in his apartment to shower before class, which was as boring and monotonous as usual. After two hectic days, Sam thought he’d relish the quiet, but nothing could be further from the truth. 

So he was more than grateful, if a little surprised, when he got a message from Gabriel asking to meet for coffee. It seemed his hands had less sense than the rest of him, because he’d already typed a reply agreeing to meet before he’d decided what he was going to do. 

When he arrived, he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that both Castiel and a strange red headed girl were with him. Gabriel waved him over enthusiastically, and Sam nodded a polite hello to Cas while Gabriel introduced their friend.  
“Heya Sammy, have a seat. This is Anna.” Gabriel said easily.

Anna smiled and reached over to shake his hand politely.  
“Hi Sam. Gabriel’s just been telling me about you.” She said, smiling reassuringly.  
“How do you know Gabriel?” He asked, curious, sitting in the empty chair next to Gabriel. His first impression was that Anna seemed a little cold. She looked a lot like Charlie, but lacked her warmth. She seemed an odd friend for both Cas and Gabriel.  
“We go way back. Classes mostly. Helped me with my math.” Anna replied.

“Math?” Sam questioned.  
He was quickly learning that it didn’t pay to underestimate Gabriel, but it was still a surprise. Gabriel seemed to guess what he was thinking because he grinned and shrugged.  
“Did a dual major in my undergrad, history and theoretical physics.” Gabriel said smugly, taking satisfaction in the way Sam’s eyes widened, suitably impressed.  
“That’s an interesting combination.” Sam managed to reply smoothly.  
“Surprisingly similar really. Numbers, history, they’re all just different ways of telling the same story.” Gabriel replied thoughtfully. 

Anna snorted.  
“Save it for the freshmen Gabe. Sam’s not going to fall for it, are you Sam?” Anna remarked.  
“Come on Red! This is my A materiel!” Gabriel joked.  
Anna just rolled her eyes.  
“Whatever. I’m out of here. Nice to meet you Sam. Don’t let this one scare you away. He’s all talk.” She said, throwing a look at Gabriel who tried to look both innocent and offended, and failed at both. 

Sam nodded to her as she left, but once she was gone he turned to focus on Gabriel.  
“You were serious weren’t you?” Sam asked.  
Both Gabriel and Castiel looked at him in surprise. Gabriel shrugged and winked.  
“Maybe.” He said, nonchalant, though really he was pleased.

It still stung sometimes that nobody ever took him seriously. He knew it was his own fault. He was often shallow and teasing, he loved jokes and bad humour. People assumed that was all he was and most of the time he was ok with that. He got a smug kind of satisfaction out of people underestimating him. But when his friends struggled to take him seriously, it bothered him. Even Castiel sometimes despaired of his ability to take anything seriously. He was surprised then, and more than a little pleased that Sam seemed to. But he didn’t want to let on. 

“You hear from Dean?” Gabriel asked, changing the subject.  
Castiel perked right up. Gabriel fought to keep the smirk off his face.  
“Ah no, not yet. Besides, he’ll probably talk to Cas first.” Sam replied, nodding to him.  
Castiel looked pleased.  
“So you ah, you like him?” Sam asked hesitantly.  
He was curious what Cas had made of his brother.

Castiel lit up and Gabriel groaned.  
“No, Sam, you don’t know what you’ve done!” Gabriel said theatrically, getting in first.  
Castiel threw him a look and ignored him.  
“Yes, Dean is very nice.” Castiel said primly before taking a sip of his coffee.  
Gabriel gaped at him.  
“Very nice!” He exclaimed, incredulous. “Are you kidding me? I had to sit through hours of ‘but Gabriel, his eyes are so _green_ ' and ‘he is sooo clever Gabriel’ but Sam here gets ‘very nice’?”  
“I am sure Sam is already familiar with Dean’s qualities.” Castiel defended.  
Gabriel threw a napkin at him.

As the brother’s squabbled, Sam tried to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t help laughing. Gabriel pretended to look offended, but ruined it by grinning. Castiel looked suddenly uncomfortable.  
“I apologise Sam, that was rude.” Castiel said, slightly embarrassed.  
While it wasn’t unusual for the brothers to tease each other, it was unusual for them to be so relaxed around other people, especially strangers. Gabriel usually put up a front to distract people from Cas, and Cas was, well, Cas.  
“Don’t worry about it Cas.” Sam said easily waving away the apology 

Instead they turned back to safer topics. Gabriel’s completed thesis, Sam’ and Cas’s studies, the fact that classes before 9am should be banned. Sam was surprised by how easy it was. He was pleased by how well he seemed to get along with Cas. While he had to admit, his unusual manner took a little getting used to, Sam found it refreshing. And he was very glad to find that he liked Dean’s match. Things could have become very awkward otherwise. 

Gabriel of course already fascinated Sam. He was nothing like Sam had expected, and yet Sam couldn’t help but like him. He knew he was walking a fine line and that soon it would all fall apart. But he couldn’t deny that he was enjoying the chance to spend time with him while he could. 

It seemed Gabriel liked hanging out with him too. By the end of the week, they’d met up several more times, for coffee, or drinks, sometimes with Cas or other friends, sometimes alone. From the outside it seemed they were well on their way to a firm friendship. The difference it made to Sam didn’t go unnoticed. It only took a week for Jess to ask him what was going on. 

It was a Friday afternoon and they were in the library studying when Sam’s phone buzzed again for the third time in a few minutes. He looked down at it and smirked before shoving it back in his pocket and Jess finally had enough.  
“Who’s you new friend?” She asked, careful to avoid it sounding like an accusation. She was genuinely curious. 

Sam had been different since he’d got there, brighter, happier, laughing easily, even teasing her about Charlie. While she loved Sam and enjoyed hanging out with him, she knew he tended to be a bit withdrawn. It was part of what had her so worried about him. It had been getting worse lately. So seeing him smiling so easily, she knew something must be different. It didn’t take a detective to work it out when he was practically glued to his phone. 

Sam shrugged guiltily.  
“I ah, met a guy, turned out to be Dean’s soulmate’s brother. He helped make the connection.” Sam explained uneasily.  
“Congratulations Sam! That’s amazing.” Jess said enthusiastically. “What’s his name?”  
“Ah Castiel. Dean’s pretty smitten.” Sam said smiling.  
He’d had a call from his brother the night before that mainly consisted of him expounding on all of Castiel’s virtues, both real and imagined. 

Jess swiped at him playfully.  
“Not him silly, your new friend.” She clarified.  
“Ah, Gabriel. His name is Gabriel.” Sam admitted.  
Jess looked at him in shock.  
“Not Gabriel Novak?” She asked.  
Sam nodded, no longer smiling his shoulders slumped in defeat. Jess looked at him with concern. That was definitely not the reaction she’d expect if Sam had found the one. 

“He’s got the wrong name.” Sam explained shortly.  
He hated continuing the lie, but he knew he didn’t have a choice unless he wanted Gabriel to find out. He had no illusions that after this, Jess wouldn’t want to meet him. Jess looked at him in sympathy.  
“I’m so sorry Sam. But, are you sure you’re doing the right thing? I mean, if he’s not your match, you sure you aren’t trying to, you know…”  
“Sublimate?” Sam provided.  
“Well, it’s got to be weird meeting someone with your name and them not be the right person. And it’s not exactly a common name.” Jess said. 

“It’s ok Jess. I promise I’m not using him as a substitute. “ Sam said.  
That was perfectly true, you couldn’t substitute the real thing.  
“He just happens to be a nice guy.” He explained. 

Jess looked at him thoughtfully.  
“Well good. You should invite him for drinks tonight.” Jess said brightly.  
Sam sighed reluctantly.  
“Sure, I’ll see if he’s busy.” Sam asked, taking out his phone.  
While he was silently hoping for a negative, he couldn’t help being pleased by Gabriel’s enthusiastic response. Despite the problems it might cause, he was always happy to see him.  
“He’s coming.” Sam told an expectant Jess.  
“Excellent.” Jess said smiling. “I can’t wait to meet him.”  
Sam groaned internally. He could already tell she was planning the third degree.  
“Just don’t hurt him ok?” Sam joked.  
“I’ll do my best.” Jess said innocently. “Now help me with this.” She asked, turning back to their studies. Sam sighed and complied. Tonight was going to be interesting. 


	17. Chapter 17

By the time Sam slid into their regular booth that night, he was already nervous. Cas and Gabriel had introduced him to some of their friends. He’d met Anna a few more times and she’d warmed up to him a little. Hannah was a serious and straightforward kind of person, the perfect friend for Castiel. Sam knew there were others. Castiel had forbidden Gabriel from introducing Sam to Balthazar, and Gabriel had agreed. It made Sam kind of curious about who could produce that kind of reaction, but at the same time, he also had an excellent sense of self-preservation that prevented him from arguing. 

For the most part though, Sam liked their friends. He wasn’t so sure the reverse would be true. It was just his luck that Brady had picked tonight to make one of his increasingly rare appearances, which meant of course Meg had tagged along as well. It disturbed Sam a little to know that he was actually disappointed that Brady had come. 

Sam ended up beside him, barely fitting into the end of the booth. Their table was really too small for their group, but none of them ever suggested moving from it. It was the same one they used every Friday since Brady and Sam started the tradition in their first year. Jess was sat across from him while Charlie was off buying the first round.

Sam and Brady were both facing the door when Gabriel walked in.  
“What’s the Novak doing here?” Brady muttered, half to himself.  
“You know him?” Sam asked surprised.  
Brady looked at him with equal shock.  
“Yeh, of course. His brother owns that company I interned at last year. Thought he’d be too good to be down here with the plebs.” Brady explained bitterly.  
“I invited him.” Sam said with an edge.  
At that moment Gabriel saw them and smiled over at Sam. That smile dimmed a little when he saw who he was sitting next to, but kept it firmly in place. 

Brady swallowed his surprise, and his question. He wanted to know how Sam had met one of the Novaks. It made him far more interesting than he’d been five minutes ago. 

Sam stood up as Gabriel got closer.  
“Hey Sam.” Gabriel greeted brightly before turning expectantly to the rest of the table.  
“Hey Gabe. Everyone this is Gabriel.” He gestured needlessly.  
“That’s Jess, Kevin, Garth, Meg and Brady.” Sam introduced them one by one and they exchanged nods and waves. Jess gave him an assessing look but it was nothing compared to the one Meg was giving him. It was downright predatory.  
Brady looked up coldly.  
“We’ve met.” He said sounding hostile, causing Gabriel to stiffen slightly, but he didn’t lose the smile.  
“Right, you’re one of Luci’s right?” He said easily.  
Brady nodded smugly. He’d already been promised a good position in one of Lucifer’s companies when he graduated next year. 

Seeing Brady at the table was an unpleasant surprise. He didn’t know him well; they’d run into each other once almost a year ago, on one of the blessedly few occasions Gabriel had needed to visit his brother. He’d had some paperwork that needed signing, and had been on his way to Lucifer’s office. Running into the intern in the corridor had been purely accidental. Being anywhere near his brothers, with the exception of Cas, made him nervous and he hadn’t been paying attention. He’d apologized, but Brady had been a jerk about it. The guy had backed off once he’d realised who Gabriel was, but he’d left a lasting impression. 

He definitely didn’t seem like the kind of guy Sam might want to be friends with. Only his obvious discomfort at Brady’s rudeness stopped Gabriel from the retort he had on the tip of his tongue. He settled for giving Sam a sympathetic look before turning back to the rest of the table.

Jess jumped in, breaking up some of the tension.  
“Hi, Gabriel, nice to meet you.” She said brightly, and Gabriel smiled at her. He thought he liked this one.  
“Hey dude.” Charlie called a greeting as she came back carrying several glasses on a tray. She set them down carefully.  
“Hope you like the cheap stuff.” She teased, as everyone reached for theirs. She slid in next to Jess and smiled up at Gabriel.  
“I’m Charlie. Gabriel right?”  
Gabriel nodded.  
“One and only.” He said with a wink, making her laugh.  
“Well don’t just stand there, dummy. Grab some bench.” She replied easily, leaning even more into Jess and making space for Gabriel.

He looked at Sam quickly but shrugged when he smiled back hesitantly. He liked these two at least.  
“Are you really Gabriel Novak?” One of the other boys asked, Garth, he thought.  
“Of course he is, idiot.” The brunette girl answered.  
Gabriel didn’t miss the flinch from Sam or the dark look exchanged between the girls at his side, and he got the feeling there was a lot he was missing here. He was starting to wonder if it had been a good idea to come, or why Sam had even invited him. 

“So how’d you and Sam meet?” Jess asked him, smiling.  
She at least seemed friendly.  
“Wasn’t watching where I was going. He knocked me over.” Gabriel answered easily.  
“Seems to be a bit of a habit for you doesn’t it.” Brady sneered at him.  
Gabriel just raised an eyebrow and shrugged.  
“Sam was a real gentleman about it. Even let me buy him coffee” He answered lightly, pointedly ignoring Brady, instead focusing on the two girls.  
He didn’t feel like bringing up Cas. 

Charlie grinned at him.  
“You sure it was you not paying attention. Our Sam can get a little distracted himself.” She teased lightly.  
“Well now you mention it.” He replied slyly, looking at Sam, who blushed a little.  
“You’re a student here?” Jess asked casually.  
He looked between the two of them suspiciously. They were obviously together, and it looked like they were already ganging up on him. But he could tell the difference between hostility and friendly interrogation. He suddenly got a suspicion of why he was here tonight. It seemed these two wanted to check up on Sam’s new friend. He smirked back at them. That was something he could approve of. 

“Just finished my thesis.” He replied. He noticed the kid on the end perk up. Kevin if he remembered rightly.  
“Masters?” He asked, curious.  
“PhD.” Gabriel answered shortly, a little smug.  
“Wow, what was your focus?” Kevin asked, fascinated.  
“A comparison between neo-Scandinavian culture and its traditional roots.” Gabriel replied, not missing the spark of interest in the kid’s eyes.  
So, another academic. Gabriel might like to play off as careless and carefree, but he had a lot of knowledge crammed into his head. It was always nice to meet someone else who appreciated knowledge for its own sake. 

Unfortunately not everyone was so enlightened. Brady snorted loudly.  
“That doesn’t sound very useful.” He said derisively.  
Gabriel glared.  
“You’d be surprised.” He said shortly.  
“That sounds really cool.” Charlie added. “That’s like Loki and Thor right?”  
Gabriel nodded.  
“Yep, that’s the ones. You’d be surprised how different they used to be. Loki especially. He’s a hard one to pin down.”  
“No wonder you like him, Sam. You found yourself another geek.” Meg said, sardonically.  
Almost everyone at the table flinched. 

So it continued. When he’d invited Gabriel, he’d been worried about them all giving too much away. None of them had met Dean. He’d been careful to keep his brother away from his friends. The cousin story wasn’t a new one. He hadn’t wanted to share his family drama with anyone, and trying to explain why he had a different name to his brother would be awkward. At first it had been too raw and recent, and then he’d needed to keep up the charade. But he’d still been nervous. 

Now he realised he’d been worried about the wrong thing. Brady and Meg were making it intolerable. Jess and Charlie’s friendly interrogation was being interrupted by the not so friendly comments coming from the other side of the table, and Garth and Kevin could barely get a word in edge wise. Sam wasn’t surprised when they left quickly, under the excuse of wracking up a game of pool over in the corner. 

Sam could see Gabriel getting increasingly irritated. So he wasn’t surprised when he got up abruptly.  
“Who wants a new round?” he asked, not waiting for an answer before he strode over to the bar. Sam jumped up to follow him, glaring at Brady and getting an encouraging smile from Jess before he left. 

“Gabriel wait.” He called, reaching out to grab the shorter men by the shoulder, spinning him around.  
Gabriel looked up at him grimly, arms folded.  
“I’m sorry about them. I didn’t know they’d be here tonight.” Sam apologized immediately. There was no point pretending Gabriel wasn’t upset or that they were the reason. Gabriel sighed, relenting a little.  
“Look Sam, it’s none of my business who you hang out with. I’m just a little surprised you like that jerk. He’s bad news.” Gabriel said lowly. 

Normally Sam might have been defensive about that. Jess had been saying the same for months, though with more subtlety. But he couldn’t argue when he’d been thinking the same thing all night. He ran a hand over his face.  
“I know.” He admitted. “He…well we’ve been friends since we were freshmen. He was my room mate for a couple of years and…well he didn’t used to be like that. He helped me through a really bad time. But he got an internship over the summer last year and he hasn’t been the same since. I know he’s changed I just-“ Sam shrugged helplessly, not having the words to explain it. 

Gabriel softened, looking at him sadly, gold eyes reflecting in the dim light.  
“You just can’t help seeing who he used to be and keep hoping he’s in there somewhere.” Gabriel said softly.  
Sam nodded surprised. That was exactly it. Every time he saw Brady, he kept hoping he’d be back how he used to be. He didn’t like the idea of giving up on a friend.  
“Don’t worry kiddo, I know what that’s like.” Gabriel said sadly.  
“If you want to leave, I understand.” Sam said, still distressed.  
Gabriel looked up at the stricken expression and realised that Sam probably didn’t like Brady anymore than Gabriel did right now, and it was making him miserable. So he snorted.  
“I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself. Besides, your other friends seem cool.” He said honestly. 

“Ok. I’d kinda like you to stick around.” Sam admitted shyly.  
That got a real smile out of Gabriel.  
“Take more than that to get rid of me kiddo.” Gabriel said fondly. “Now you gonna help me with these drinks or what?”  
Sam nodded enthusiastically, not noticing how everyone was watching them. Jess and Charlie were sharing knowing looks, while Brady glared. Meg was watching suspiciously.

It was a little better after that. With Kevin and Garth still at the pool table, there was room for Sam to sit next to Gabriel. It made it easier for Gabriel to handle Brady’s rudeness when he didn’t have to see him practically sitting in Sam’s lap, and for the first time he wondered if maybe he’d been a little jealous as well. God knew it wasn’t the first time he’d had to deal with jerks, and Brady didn’t even come close to the worst he’d faced. He didn’t tolerate people like that, but he didn’t usually react that strongly either.

It was much later in the night when things got worse. Gabriel went back up to the bar to grab another round. He’d been doing that slightly more often than required. It was a habit he picked up with his own friends. He could stand to afford quite a few more than the average college student, and he liked to help where he could. 

Everyone else was back at the table.. Kevin and Garth had come back once the fighting had died down, though they were still withdrawn. Meg was the only exception. She and Brady had been whispering together, and she’d disappeared. Jess was the one to notice her first near the bar and she nudged Sam. 

He felt his stomach drop. He was far too familiar with Meg’s usual games, but this time they were being directed at Gabriel. He was leaning casually on the bar waiting to be served and she had him cornered. Even from here Sam could see he looked uncomfortable. Sam’s fists clenched under the table and he stiffened, but he didn’t say anything. It was none of his business. As far as everyone, including Gabriel was concerned, they were just friends. He had no right to be jealous. 

Brady noticed his reaction and smirked. He deliberately looked over at them.  
“Well looks like his night just got better.” He said maliciously.  
Charlie glared at him.  
“You put her up to it didn’t you?” Charlie accused, loosing her temper.  
It rarely happened, but this was low, even for him.  
“What?” Sam asked, looking between them dangerously.  
“Oh come on, he needed to lighten up.” Brady shrugged, not looking the least bit perturbed. “Besides, since when does Meg ever need encouragement. He’s rich and she’s gorgeous. You know how it goes. Not like he’s taken, right Sam?”

That was the moment Sam lost it. Bad enough that Brady had been rude. He’d been thinking over his discussion with Gabriel, and with Jess, and with all the people who’d been trying to make him see Brady as he really was. Not the shy guy from his first day at college, but the manipulative, arrogant liar he’d become. Sam looked at him and didn’t recognize his best friend anymore. 

“That’s it Brady. Leave.” Sam said firmly.  
Four heads turned his way.  
“What?” Brady asked dumbly.  
“You heard me.” Sam threatened.  
“What, you get some rich guy’s attention and suddenly you don’t need me anymore.” Brady said nastily. That confirmed it for Sam. Brady had set Meg up to intentionally hurt Sam.  
“No.” Said Sam, struggling to stay calm. “When you start being rude to everyone, manipulating people and being a grade a douche bag, I don’t need you anymore.”

Brady looked around the table, but there was no help there. Even Garth looked stony. They’d all been sick of Brady and his attitude months ago. They only put up with him for Sam’s sake. Sam seemed to realise that at the same time Brady did, because he looked suddenly guilty. 

Brady snarled at them.  
“Fine. Not like I wanted to hang around you losers anyway.” He said standing, with a particularly vicious glare at Kevin and Charlie.  
“Take your friend with you.” Charlie said dangerously.  
She was completely unfazed by Brady’s anger. He sneered at her but didn’t reply. He did however stop at the bar and grab Meg by the elbow. They didn’t notice Gabriel managed to give her the slip until a low whistle came from behind Sam.  
“Gotta say kiddo, that was kinda badass.” He said faintly, holding several drinks. The fact that it was now the exact number for their table told them he’d been watching them from across the room. He set the drinks on the table and slid in across from him.

Gabriel’s words seemed to break the tension, and Sam blushed as the others high fived and Jess threw an arm around him.  
“Finally.” She said, impressed.  
But Sam didn’t feel like celebrating. He pulled away carefully.  
“I’m gonna call it a night.” He said, sliding out of the booth. “You guys stay, have fun.” He said looking nodding to Jess, before turning and leaving.

Gabriel caught up with him before he made it to the door.  
“Woah wait up kiddo, what’s the hurry.” He said, grabbing at Sam’s shoulder in a reversal of their conversation earlier.  
“Sorry Gabe, tonight’s been a disaster.” Sam said, frustrated.  
Gabriel shrugged at him.  
“Never say you don’t know how to show a guy a good time.” He answered flippantly. Then he looked up at Sam, suddenly serious.  
“Look Sam, I know that was hard. But you did good kiddo. Now come celebrate with us.”

Sam shook his head.  
“I just…I know I had to do it. But he was still my best friend.” Sam answered.  
“Not in any of the ways that counts.” Gabriel countered.  
Sam looked at him hard, recognizing the truth of it. Brady hadn’t really been his friend in months. So Sam let Gabriel take his arm and lead him back to the table. 

There were six of them now, the perfect number for their booth, and the atmosphere was much more relaxed. Now that he was no longer getting cross-examined, Gabriel found himself warming up to Sam’s friends. He worked out quickly that Kevin was rather shy unless they were talking academics, and Garth was a real sweetheart, something he never would have guessed before. Of all of them though, he liked Charlie the best. She was bright and laughed easily, responding eagerly to his teasing. She was also the biggest geek he’d ever met, including his own brother, and it didn’t take long before Sam, Charlie and he were taking a discussion on Horcrux’s way too seriously, while Jess watched them indulgently. 

They ended up making it to last call, where they all tumbled out onto the pavement. The six of them weaved unsteadily across the campus. Most of them still lived in the dorms, which left Gabriel and Sam to make their way alone. Sam could still hear Jess and Charlie giggling to each other as the left them outside their dorm. He knew what they were thinking and he’d be rolling his eyes at them if they weren’t absolutely correct. 

Gabriel ended up walking him to his door. He tried not to notice the tension between them. They ended up staring at each other for several seconds in front of his door. Sam cleared his throat nervously.  
“Thanks Gabe.” He said, attempting to make it sound casual. Why was this so difficult?  
Gabriel smiled up him.  
“Anytime kiddo.” He said gently. “You gonna be alright?”  
Sam shrugged.  
“Yeh. You were right. He hasn’t really been my friend for months. I guess it just took someone new to show me that.” He answered hesitantly.  
Gabriel nodded at him, stepping back.  
“Happy to help. Good night Sam.”  
“Good night Gabriel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it isn't clear by now, I don't know much about the US college system, so there's probably lots of mistakes.


	18. Chapter 18

Dean collapsed on his couch, exhausted. It had been a long day. It was Saturday, normally his day off, but he’d been taking extra shifts. He lived with Bobby, had since the day Sam left for college. He hadn’t been able to face going back to his dad after that fight, and what started as a place to crash for the night slowly turned into a permanent home. Bobby hadn’t complained, had secretly been glad that Dean finally got away, and he was more than welcome, provided he cooked once in a while. 

Bobby was out for the night. He’d gone away for the weekend on a fishing trip, something he rarely did. Dean suspected he was trying to get some distance before Dean left. Bobby would never admit that he would miss the kid, but Dean could see the signs. He resolved to put Jody and Ellen on his case over Christmas. The local Sherriff and the local bar owner had joined forces years ago to keep an eye on Bobby, and Dean knew he’d need them in the future.

It would help having the new trainee around. Ellen’s daughter, Jo, had jumped at the opportunity when she heard. Though Dean had never pictured her as a grease monkey, over the past few days, she’d more than proved she knew her way around cars. Bobby had left it to Dean to start training her. There was still a lot she didn’t know, more than she thought, and between dealing with her and the extra work he’d taken on, he was glad he had the next day off. 

So now Dean was stretched out on the couch, beer and pizza nearby, tv turned up, resolutely ignoring the buzzing from his phone. He didn’t feel like dealing with anyone just then. Benny had been after him all week, wanting to spend some time, now he knew he was leaving. Lisa had been the same. He’d make sure he took the time tomorrow to see them both. But right now all he wanted was some time to himself.

At least he thought he did. That was until he heard another sound from his phone, the one he’d had Sam program in. It was the one that signaled a call from Cas, and that was something Dean wasn’t willing to ignore. He picked up on the second ring.

“Hey Cas.” He said softly, sitting up properly.  
“Hello Dean. Am I disturbing you?” Cas asked nervously.   
“You? Never.” Dean replied grinning. “In fact, you just made my night.”  
Dean was just glad to hear his voice. He wished he could see him as well, but for now, this would do.   
“So, what’s up with the phone call?” Dean asked settling back, taking a quick swig from his beer. 

“Sam has informed me that I should not, under any circumstances, ask you about your car.” Cas said.   
“Unless I want to hear you talk for hours.” He added.   
Dean grinned.   
“Oh yeh? You know there are easier ways to go than being bored to death.” Dean teased.   
“Dean” Cas said lowly. “What kind of car do you drive?”  
Dean couldn’t suppress his chuckle.  
“You really want to know?” Dean asked.   
“Yes.” Cas said firmly. 

Something about his tone seemed suddenly off to Dean.   
“You alright there Cas?” He asked concerned.   
“I am fine. Please, Dean?” Cas begged.   
Dean hesitated, sure now that something was wrong. But if Cas wanted to hear him talk, then he could do that. He loved his car like it was a part of the family, and Sam wasn’t wrong, he could easily spend hours extolling her virtues. Cas was a good audience. He asked questions at the right time made appreciative noises when he described her engine, and agreed with everything he said. 

On the other end of the line, Cas took one more deep, silent breath. He let the sound of Dean’s voice wash over him, taking away the last of the anxiety that had threatened to overwhelm him. It had been like a living thing, clawing its way out of his chest, stealing his breath, the same nameless force that attacked him sometimes. He didn’t have specific triggers; just times when it would all come crashing over him. So he’d done the only thing he could think of at the time. He’d called Dean. Just hearing his voice was enough to soothe him. 

Cas crawled into his bed, phone gripped tightly like a lifeline. He curled up and listened. Dean’s enthusiasm was infectious, and soon Cas was caught up in Dean’s description. He understood now why Sam had looked the way he had when he mentioned it. It was the kind of exasperated indulgence that Cas had seen Gabriel direct his way more than a few times. When someone had a passion you didn’t share, but you listened any way because you loved them. No matter how many times they mentioned it. 

It was so soothing; he ended up drifting off to the sound of Dean’s voice. When Dean realised there was no response coming from the other end, he couldn’t help laughing quietly to himself. Rather than being offended or annoyed, he felt a gentle kind of warmth imagining his Cas sleeping peacefully.   
“Sweet dream Cas.” He murmured down the phone before hanging up.   
Unseen, fast asleep, Cas smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't really planning to include much of Dean away from Stanford, but then this happened.


	19. Chapter 19

Gabriel was sitting at a bar. It was a Tuesday night, and the bar tender had already tried to cut him off twice. The hundred dollar tips he was slamming down with each order quickly put at end to that nonsense. At this rate, he wasn’t even going to be able to stand, but he didn’t care. 

When someone dropped into the chair beside him, he didn’t even look up. Just downed the last of his whiskey, before signaling for another one. A hand grabbed his wrist and he glared at it before transferring that look up to its owner. It was a long way up. About halfway he realised who it was and his bad mood deepened. 

“What’s the big idea Sam?” Gabriel ground out.   
He didn’t want Sam here to see him like this. He especially didn’t want Sam here getting between him and his goal of getting completely black out drunk.   
“I think you’ve had enough Gabriel.” Sam replied evenly.  
Gabriel shook him off. 

“Go away.” He said bluntly, signaling the bar tender again. But Sam shook his head, and as Gabriel looked between the two of them, he already knew who was going to win this one. He sighed angrily.   
“How did you find me?”   
“I got a message from you. At least I think it was supposed to be a message, I couldn’t read it. I was worried. Called Cas, he told me where you might be.” Sam admitted.  
He didn’t admit how panicked he’d been. He’d got to know Gabriel over the past month and he knew the guy could hold his liquor. Something must be very wrong. 

Gabriel tried to stand up and immediately tipped sideways. Sam was immediately there to catch him.   
“Don’t need your help.” Gabriel muttered, trying to break away. To his surprise, Sam let him go and he promptly tipped over again. Sam stopped him from landing face first on the ground but only barely.   
“Come on Gabe, let’s get you out of here.” Sam persuaded.   
Gabriel glared at him balefully, as much as he could when he was half clinging to the guy. He sighed reluctantly. He wasn’t going to get very far on his own and Sam wasn’t leaving. 

When he didn’t resist, Sam dragged Gabriel outside. Being upright wasn’t agreeing with him. He’d been fine while he was sitting down, but now his head was swimming and he was having trouble focusing. He must have had more than he’d thought. Sam was looking at him with concern.   
“Alright, we’re heading back to mine.” Sam said firmly. It was far closer to here than Gabriel’s. He just hoped they shouldn’t he heading for a hospital.   
“Lead on Captain.” Gabriel slurred.

Sam ended up having to half carry Gabriel into his apartment. They had to stop once or twice along the way for Gabriel to heave into a bush while Sam wrinkled his nose in disgust. But they finally made it. 

Sam dropped him onto the spare bed. Gabriel immediately curled into himself. Sam shook his head sadly. Whatever had happened must have been bad. He’d never seen Gabriel like this. He looked miserable. Sam’s fingers itched to thread through his hair, to pull him close and ask what was wrong, but he shook those thoughts away. They’d been coming more frequently recently, but he refused to acknowledge them. Instead he settled for glaring at the smaller man.  
“You throw up in my bed, you’re cleaning it up.” Sam threatened, before walking out, ignoring Gabriel’s muttered protests. 

He leaned back against the door as he shut it. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick message to Cas, letting him know Gabriel was safe before heading for his own room. It was late and he had work early. The mystery would have to wait.


	20. Chapter 20

Gabriel woke up feeling like he’d been run over him with a truck. He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but someone was talking way too loudly and shaking him a little. He cracked open an eyelid and saw too much brown hair and concerned hazel eyes. 

“Drink this.” Sam said.  
Gabriel tried to focus enough to look at what Sam was holding. It was a bottle of water and two pills. Just seeing the water was enough for Gabriel to realize how thirsty he was, and he grabbed at it eagerly. He swiped the pills as well. He trusted Sam enough not to drug him. Though given the way he felt, he could have woken up in a dungeon with a total stranger and he’d be taking anything that resembled a painkiller just for the chance to be rid of this headache. 

Sam nodded at him satisfied.  
“I have to go to work but I’ll be back later. Those should help you feel better. Get some sleep, help yourself to whatever you want.” Sam said self-consciously.   
Gabriel waved him away. He’d already downed half the bottle and flopped back, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep. Sam watched him with concern for a moment before he shrugged and headed out. 

Gabriel didn’t regain consciousness again until nearly midday. He groaned as pieces of last night came back to him. He really wished Sam hadn’t been there. He’d have to have words with Cassie about that later. 

He crawled out of bed and dragged himself into the shower. He’d stayed at Sam’s a few times before and didn’t feel awkward about being here on his own. Briefly he considered leaving before Sam got back from work. In the end he settled for curling up on Sam’s couch. His head was still splitting and he felt too queasy for food. He didn’t really want to go anywhere. 

That’s where Sam found him a few hours later when he stumbled in, exhausted. After a late night out looking for Gabriel, and a busy pre-holiday rush at the store, he was dead on his feet. It was the day before Thanksgiving and it seemed everyone needed some last minute reading material. Sam was pleased Gabriel was still there, and sank down on the couch beside him. 

“Bad day?” Gabriel asked sympathetically, not turning away from where his eyes were glued resolutely on the tv screen.   
Sam shrugged.   
“Just busy.” He said, dumping his keys on the table in front of him. Then he looked over at Gabriel pointedly.   
“Hey Gabe.” Sam said in a belated greeting.   
Gabriel ignored him, letting the silence stretch. But Sam was an old hand at the waiting game and he was patient. Finally Gabriel broke. 

“I didn’t need your help Sam.” He started stubbornly.   
“That’s not what it looked like to me.” Sam replied, equally stubborn.   
Gabriel finally looked over at him, and the concern shining in those hazel eyes broke his resolve, just as he’d known it would. He sighed tiredly.   
“Why’d you even come?” Gabriel asked. He didn’t expect Sam to answer, but he did anyway.   
“I told you, I was worried. I’ve seen you drink people under the table, me included. Something had to be wrong for you to be that out of it.” Sam explained.  
Gabriel snorted, trying not to be touched by the concern.  
“I guess you could say that.” He muttered.   
“Talk to me Gabe. What’s going on?” Sam asked insistently. 

Gabriel shook his head.  
“It’s nothing Sam. Don’t worry about it.” He tried to deflect.  
Sam shifted impatiently.   
“It can’t be that bad?” Sam said, uncertainty tilting it up into a question.   
Gabriel ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He looked up at Sam again, wondering if he could really trust him. But something in that expression made him feel like opening up. From the few hints he’d picked up about Sam’s family, if anyone would understand, it would be Sam. 

“Cassie’s not coming to Thanksgiving.” Gabriel started hesitantly.  
Sam waited patiently. He knew the silence would draw Gabriel out more surely than anything he might say, and there had to be more to it than that.  
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But all of us together? It’s a nightmare. Cassie was supposed to be going with me, but he bailed. Bad enough when he’s there. Now I’m gonna be stuck with Michael and Luci ripping each others throats out, and Raph’s just gonna be egging them on.” Gabriel explained.   
“So your brothers fight a lot huh?” Sam asked lightly.  
Gabriel gave a hollow edged laugh.   
“You could say that.” Gabriel said. 

It wasn’t even close to the full story. Gabriel still had scars from ‘playing’ with Lucifer. Of course they’d been barely more than kids at the time, but his brothers sadistic nature hadn’t changed. He’d just got better at hiding it. Michael wasn’t above getting his hands dirty either. While he’d never paid much attention to Gabriel, he and Lucifer’s fights had been legendary, and somehow Gabriel always ended up in the middle. Those were some of his worst memories, and they’d been what he’d been running from when he left for college. Getting dragged back a few times a year was like walking into his own personal hell. 

Sam didn’t know all the details, but he didn’t need words to see the panic and fear in Gabriel’s eyes as he mentioned his brothers. He’d noticed that neither Gabriel nor Castiel mentioned them much, but when they did, they both got silent and tense, and changed the topic quickly. Sam recognized the signs. It was much the same as he felt when anyone brought up John. If someone told him he had to go back and visit his father for Thanksgiving, he’d probably do his best to drink a bar as well. So Sam didn’t even really think about it when he asked,  
“Do you want some company?”

Gabriel looked at him in astonishment.   
“You want to come with me?” He asked, incredulous.   
Sam shrugged.  
“Well you shouldn’t have to go alone. And they’re not my brothers. I’m sure I can handle it.” He said, nonchalant.  
Gabriel laughed at that.   
“You do not know my family kiddo. They’ll eat you alive.” Gabriel stated.  
Sam smiled grimly.   
“They can try.” 

That surprised Gabriel, and he looked at Sam appraisingly. He was used to thinking of Sam, not as weak as such, but kind, empathetic, a decent human being. But Gabriel suddenly got the impression that Sam could be truly terrifying if he was pushed too far. He was just too decent to snap easily. 

Gabriel considered Sam’s offer. It was true, it would be easier with Sam around. Given the option, Gabriel would pretty much always rather have Sam around. He’d fallen pretty hard in the past month since they’d started hanging out. And he was selfish enough that he didn’t want to go alone, even if that meant inflicting his brothers on innocent bystanders. So even as the better part of him hesitated, he found himself nodding.

“Are you sure?” Gabriel asked seriously.  
“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.” Sam replied, equally serious. “Besides, sure beats hanging around here. I was going to go home, but Dean will be here soon anyway, he said it wasn’t worth it.” Sam explained.   
Gabriel agreed absently.   
“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine on my own.” Gabriel said, still hesitating.  
Sam just looked at him doubtfully.   
“It’s fine Gabe. Unless you’d rather someone else…” Sam stammered, suddenly unsure.   
Gabriel shook his head emphatically.   
“Nope. Can’t take it back now.” Gabriel joked, not wanting to let on just how glad he was it was _Sam_ who was coming.

Sam grinned back at him.  
“So when do we leave?” Sam asked.  
“Tomorrow morning. Let’s say 7?” Gabriel replied.  
“You know, I haven’t even asked where they live?” Sam asked.  
Gabriel smirked at him.   
“We’re all over. Luci’s the closest. He’s in LA.” Gabriel said easily.   
“Is that where we’re heading?” Sam asked, curious.   
Gabriel shook his head looking up at him slyly.  
“We’re heading to the family house in New York.” He said blithely. 

Sam gaped at him.  
“New York?” Sam asked incredulous.  
“Yep. You ever flown in a private jet?” Gabriel asked, still feigning casual.  
But at Sam’s shocked expression, he couldn’t control himself anymore and let the laughter slip out.   
“Still think you can handle it?” Gabriel asked sarcastically.   
Sam closed his mouth, eyes darkening with resolve.   
“Bring it on.” He replied firmly.   
“Alright then.” Gabriel said, standing to leave.   
He had a lot of things to organize if he was really bringing Sam.   
“I’ll see you in the morning, Sammy.” Gabriel said cheerfully, trying not the think of all the ways this could go wrong. Sam nodded back.   
“See you tomorrow.”   
And if Sam didn’t feel as confident as he felt, he wasn’t going to mention it as he watched Gabriel down the hallway. One way or another, it was going to be an eventful Thanksgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, Sam's time is coming. I just hope no one's too disappointed. Also, I've been pretty sick the last couple days, so this is taking longer than I planned.


	21. Chapter 21

Sam had never given much thought to just how much money Gabriel had. He’d known of course that the Novaks were wealthy. Michael Novak was a powerful name in the corporate world, rivaled only by his brother Lucifer. He was trained as a lawyer, but successfully ran several large companies. Where Michael owed his success to his own business acumen, Lucifer had a talent with people. He recruited early, instilled a sense of almost fanatic loyalty along with a set of corrupt morals, and had a knack for spotting talent. He knew how to hire people and place them where they would most benefit him. Rumour had it he was already making the right moves to start him on the long road to the white house. 

Sam knew all of this of course. But he’d never really associated them with Cas or Gabriel. Even when they’d been mentioned in passing during Sam’s economics classes, Sam never associated them with his and Dean’s Gabriel and Castiel, despite the names. It just seemed too foreign that his soulmate might be part of one of the most influential families on the planet. Even after meeting them, perhaps even especially after meeting them, he still hadn’t really made the connection. He’d known of course, but there was a difference between knowing and _knowing_.

Standing in a penthouse suite in front of floor to ceiling windows, looking out at the Manhattan skyline, it was starting to sink in. He heard a door open behind him and knew instinctively it would be Gabriel. Sam had just finished getting dressed. He was in his own clothes, the suit he usually saved for job interviews and weddings. Gabriel had said to wear whatever was comfortable, but after everything he’d seen so far today, he was glad he’d opted for the suit. 

Sam still felt under dressed, uncomfortable and out of place as he turned around. He caught sight of Gabriel and almost didn’t recognize him. His hair was slicked back, his suit nicely tailored and flattering, and he was standing straight, missing his typical relaxed slouch. Sam had to admit he looked good, but in a way that was foreign. He preferred Gabriel the way he pictured him, familiar cargo jacket, jeans and hair mussed, eyes sparkling with amusement. 

Gabriel was taking the chance to do his own assessment, though his thoughts were far more favourable. Gabriel typically hated formal wear, too reminiscent of the kind of rigid control and formality he’d hated from his childhood. But Sam made it work. He might even be willing to wear his own monkey suit more often if he could convince Sam to do the same. Reluctantly Gabriel discarded those thoughts. Sam was here as a friend. He shouldn’t be checking him out, no matter how well that jacket accented his broad shoulders. But he couldn’t help the low whistle or the grin as he looked Sam over. 

“Gotta say kiddo, you clean up nice.” Gabriel complimented honestly.   
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” Sam admitted with a hesitant smile.  
“Aww shucks Sam, you’re gonna make me blush.” Gabriel teased, mostly to hide the fact that it was true. 

“So, you ready for hell?” Gabriel asked, only slightly joking.  
“You ah, mind telling me what I’m walking into here Gabe?” Sam asked hesitantly.  
Now that he was here he was decidedly nervous. When he’d offered to come with Gabriel, he’d only been thinking of them as Gabriel’s family, family that might one day be his own if things worked out with Dean and Cas. But now, surrounded by the tasteful decor that, any bit of which was probably worth more than his entire college education, he was acutely reminded that he wasn’t just meeting Gabriel’s brothers, he was meeting Michael and Lucifer Novak. 

Gabriel looked up at him grimly, sensing Sam’s mood. He could see how nervous he was.  
“It’s not too late to back out.” Gabriel said seriously.  
Sam looked at him in surprise and shook his head.  
“I’m ok Gabe. I just don’t know what to expect.” Sam said, trying to sound confident.  
He knew he hadn’t pulled it off when Gabriel narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously, but Gabriel just turned to face him properly as he explained. 

“Michael’s alright, a little stiff. He’s the one who insists on the formal, so you can thank him for that.” Gabriel explained.  
Sam gave him a look.  
“What would you have done if I turned up in my jeans?” Sam asked.   
“Laughed myself silly, and made sure I had a camera handy for when Michael saw you.” Gabriel joked, half serious.   
Sam folded his arms, a little offended, but Gabriel waved him off.   
“You’re a guest Sam, you’re not expected to follow all the rules.” Gabriel explained bitterly. 

“What about Lucifer?” Sam asked hastily, not liking the way Gabriel’s expression had darkened. Unfortunately, mentioning Lucifer just made that worse.   
“Luci’s complicated. It’ll depend on his mood.” Gabriel said. “Honestly, I’m not sure which will be worse, if he decides he likes you, or if he doesn’t.”  
Sam was watching Gabriel carefully and knew there was a lot he wasn’t saying.

“And Raphael?” Sam prompted. “I’ve never even heard of him.”  
Gabriel snorted.  
“For good reason. He works with Michael but I don’t think even Lucifer really knows what Raphael does now. Whatever it is, it’s nasty. Michael got really into weapons RnD a few years ago, left Raph in charge. It’s gone now, officially it’s been written off. But Raph never moved on to another project. Makes me think it’s still running, off the books.” Gabriel said darkly.   
Sam gaped at him. 

“That’s some pretty serious stuff.” Sam said, shocked.   
“Yep.” Gabriel agreed grimly.   
“And then there’s Cas, with his bees.” Sam joked weakly.  
Gabriel laughed unexpectedly.   
“And then there’s Cassie.” Gabriel agreed fondly.   
“And you.” Sam pointed out, focusing on Gabriel again.  
The look on his face was intent, and Gabriel got lost in it for a moment.  
“Me?” He asked, distracted.  
Sam nodded at him.   
“Well, you don’t exactly scream world domination.” Sam pointed out.

Gabriel grinned at him, spreading his hands out and gesturing to himself.   
“Oh come on, wouldn’t you love to see this on a postage stamp? Gabriel Novak, king of the world.” He proclaimed. “Has a nice ring to it.” He added with a wink.   
Sam snuffed a laugh.   
“Seriously though Gabe, why do you even come if you hate it so much?” He asked seriously. 

He was half expecting another flippant response, so he was surprised when Gabriel took him seriously. He turned his back on Sam, and walked over to the sideboard, pouring himself a drink from a decanter. He downed it in one before turning back to Sam.   
“It’s mostly for Cassie.” Gabriel started. “He followed me when he ran away, tried to cut ties like I did. But I couldn’t let him do it. My brothers might be scary assholes, but they all love Cassie in their own ways. And Cas loves them too. I couldn’t let him give that up for me.” 

“Was he your dad’s favourite as well?” Sam asked carefully. It was rare for Gabriel to talk about his family and Sam wanted to take advantage of the mood. Luckily for him Gabriel was feeling a little nostalgic. For some reason he trusted Sam, trusted that he would understand, and while Gabriel hated talking about his past, he felt like he owed Sam that much for being here. So rather than deflect, Gabriel snorted, answering honestly. 

“Nah, that was all Luci. Truth is Dad loved him best, more than anyone. He thought he made the sun shine. And it used to be true. He was my big brother, taught me how to play pranks on the staff, we used to be absolute terrors, getting into trouble.” Gabriel explained in a soft voice.  
Sam could practically feel the longing in it as he remembered a happier time. Sam stayed very still, as the silence stretched, while Gabriel was caught up in his memories. Finally he shook himself out of it. 

“It doesn’t matter now. Dad spoiled him, let him get away with murder. Took a long time before he finally put his foot down. Luci threw a huge tantrum, Dad disappeared, I ran away. Cassie ended up stuck with Michael for a while. Took a long time for him to believe Dad wasn’t coming back. But we knew.” Gabriel finished bitterly.   
Sam looked at him with sympathy.  
“Do you really think he’s gone?” Sam asked gently.  
Gabriel shrugged.  
“Honestly? I think he’s probably on a beach somewhere, or maybe an underground theatre, writing plays. He never liked getting his hands dirty. Doesn’t surprise me he bailed on us when it got tough.”   
Sam nodded in sympathy. He had enough experience with irresponsible fathers that he didn’t want to dwell on the subject.  
“You know, Cas isn’t here. If you’re doing this for him.” Sam pointed out softly, getting them back to his original question. 

“He isn’t the only one who still loves them.” Gabriel admitted. “I know they’re not who they used to be. But they’re still family.” He said helplessly, looking at Sam, willing him to understand. 

Sam thought back to what Gabriel had said about Brady, about knowing what it was like to look at someone and not being able to give up on the hope that one day they’d be the person you loved again. Then he thought about Dean, tried to imagine him doing something terrible enough that Sam wouldn’t still do anything for him, and he couldn’t. There was no way he could give up on his brother, nothing he wouldn’t do, no matter how terrible. 

He wasn’t sure what it was Gabriel could read in his expression, but something of his acceptance must have shown, because the tension drained out of him. Sam hadn’t even considered how much his opinion might matter. But clearly Gabriel was worried. 

“I get it Gabriel. They’re your brothers. You know, Dean likes to say, you don’t give up on family.” Sam reassured. “But you know, our friend, Bobby? He has another saying. Family doesn’t end with blood.”   
Gabriel took a moment to process that, eyes wide before he nodded slowly.   
“He sounds like a smart man.” Gabriel said, nodding, wondering how much he could read into that.   
“Yeh, he is.” Sam agreed.  
“So, we ready to do this?” Sam asked, sounding more confident than he felt.  
Gabriel nodded.   
“Let’s go.”


	22. Chapter 22

Sam took a deep breath before following Gabriel out into the hallway.   
“Probably best we don’t mention Cassie and Dean.” Gabriel said hesitantly over his shoulder as he walked. The last thing Cas needed was three older brothers giving his soul mate the third degree, complete with military clearance.  
Sam nodded, agreeing. From Gabriel’s descriptions, his family sounded intense, and he wasn’t sure how Dean would react to them. 

“Ok, so then what about us?” Sam asked, distracted.   
He wasn’t sure what Gabriel had told them about his tagging along, and he knew what they were probably assuming. 

Gabriel almost stopped at the question, but covered his reaction quickly. He certainly couldn’t answer the way he’d like to.   
“Stick with the truth I guess, just leave out the part about Cassie.” Gabriel said casually, wishing, not for the first time, that the truth was something different, that he had the right Sam matched on his wrist. Sam shook his head, mentally chiding himself. Obvious. He didn’t even know why he’d asked except that he was having trouble which secrets he was keeping from which people now he had so many. 

Gabriel stopped in front of the door and gave Sam one last reassuring smile.   
“Ready kiddo?” He asked.  
Sam nodded and Gabriel opened the door.   
“Hey guys! I’m home!” Gabriel announced himself loudly, and Sam had to hide a grin. Trust Gabriel to go from nervous to obnoxious in a few seconds flat. Sam was very familiar with the hiding nerves with attitude play from Dean, so he just followed, completely unaffected. 

The room was no less opulent than the rest of the house, with a long table dominating the room, chandeliers, flowers and candles. It was too much for Sam to take in, so he focused on the occupants. Three men and a woman were gathered at the end of the room, drinks in hand. At Gabriel’s arrival they turned towards them.

Sam recognized two of them easily. Seeing them all together he noticed that none of the brothers looked much alike. Gabriel seemed to have been out of luck on his height. He was easily the shortest of them all. Lucifer was tall and blonde, handsome in an unassuming kind of way. He could see a little of Castiel in Michael, with his dark hair and blue eyes. And Lucifer shared a similar shade of blue, though his were paler and sharper. But really, there was very little that would betray them as family if Sam didn’t know better. 

Lucifer was the first to acknowledge them. Sam was surprised by the almost smirk he quickly covered. Sam would have assumed he would have been more annoyed than amused by his brothers antics, matching Michael’s scowl of disapproval. 

“Gabriel. How nice to see you.” He said, walking over with a practiced smile.   
“And this must be Mr. Campbell.” He added, extending a hand to shake.   
Sam took it politely.   
“Sam, please. It’s nice to meet you Mr. Novak.” He said smiling.  
“Oh Lucifer is fine. There’s a few too many Novaks here for all that, wouldn’t you say?” Lucifer replied easily.   
Sam was beginning to understand why he was often described as charming.

Beside him Gabriel rolled his eyes.   
“Nice to see you too Luci.” He said sarcastically.   
He didn’t like the way Lucifer was eyeing Sam. He’d seen that look before and it never ended well. As usual, Sam seemed to be totally oblivious. He had to admit though; he appreciated the fact that Lucifer had to look up at Sam, relishing in it in the way only someone who’d spent his life looking up at his brothers could. Lucifer was tall, but Sam made everyone look short. 

Lucifer switched his attention over to his younger brother.   
“You’re looking well Gabriel. How’s school treating you?” He asked, seeming interested, though Gabriel knew him too well to be fooled.   
“Since when do you care?” Gabriel snapped.   
He hated all this faux polite rubbish. While he hated the fighting, at least then they were being honest. All the pointed jabs and veiled insults made his head spin. 

Lucifer pretended to look wounded, but there was a spark of amusement there. He’d always enjoyed teasing this brother the most. He was the most impudent, and with his sharp wit, provided the best challenge.

“Oh come now, Gabriel, of course I care.” Lucifer mocked.   
“Yeh right.” He replied, rolling his eyes. “Come on Sam, let’s go meet Mikey.”   
Sam gave Lucifer a polite nod, but followed Gabriel willingly. Michael hadn’t moved since they’d come in. It seemed he was waiting for his brother to come to him. Sam couldn’t help thinking it was kind of arrogant and knew Gabriel probably felt the same. 

Sam was watching Gabriel carefully. Normally Gabriel was frenetic, always in motion, relaxed and confident. But here, Sam could see he was forcing himself to move, his posture stiff, trying to stop himself from fidgeting. He understood just how difficult this was for Gabriel, and he couldn’t help wondering if it was really worth it. 

Michael nodded to them both as they approached.   
“Gabriel. I’m glad you could make it.” He said politely.   
He looked grave and serious, and Sam had a hard time imagining him smiling. Not how he would have pictures Gabriel’s oldest brother. Gabriel surprised Sam by nodding back.  
“Hey bro. Raph” He added, nodding to his other brother.  
Raphael barely acknowledged him, nodding back slightly.   
“Gabriel.” He replied stiffly. 

Michael was looking pointedly at Sam, and Gabriel took the hint reluctantly.   
“This is Sam. Sam, this is Michael, Raphael, and Maria.” Gabriel introduced them all in turn. Sam shook hands with them politely, wincing a little at Raphael’s intentionally too firm grip. 

“So, how’d you two meet?” Lucifer asked, coming from behind them to join their circle.   
Sam shrugged, feeling the weight of their attention. He couldn’t help but want to make a good impression, but with such an eclectic, and hostile group, he wasn’t sure that was even possible. So instead he focused on the main reason he was here. Helping Gabriel survive his family.   
“Ran into each other on campus.” Sam answered casually with a straight face.  
Gabriel had to smother a surprised laugh.   
“How clumsy of him.” Raphael said coldly, and the laughter died.   
Trust Raphael to see through him. 

“What about you two?” Sam asked hastily, nodding to Maria.  
She was beautiful in an understated kind of way. Her hair was loose and she was dressed well, but comfortably in a simple black dress. Sam got the impression that she was someone used to hard work and she felt as out of place amongst the glamour as he did. 

Despite that fact Sam was looking at her, it was Raphael who answered. For a moment, Raphael’s cold exterior softened into something almost warm as he looked down at his wife. But his eyes were cold again as he looked back at Sam.   
“Work.” He said shortly, tone leaving no room for enquiry.   
Sam looked down at Gabriel, awkwardly floundering, but it was Lucifer who saved them. 

“You know, I think we were promised dinner?” Lucifer said, looking pointedly at Michael.   
“Of course. I’ll let Zach know.” Michael replied smoothly. “If you’d like to take a seat?” 

Sam threw Gabriel a look of shared commiseration. He understood now what Gabriel had been saying about stiff. He was actually surprised how much Michael reminded him of Castiel. But where Cas had clearly benefitted from Gabriel’s influence, Michael was cold. It was a kind of oppressive authority that was making him feel uncomfortable, and he was actually relieved when Michael left briefly to talk to the staff.

The small party moved around the table, taking their seats. Gabriel knew it wasn’t an accident Sam ended up at the end, with himself and Lucifer on either side.   
“So, Sam, you’re at Stanford too?” Lucifer asked casually. “What do you study?”  
Sam threw Gabriel a quick look before he answered but Gabriel was looking fixedly at his glass. A waiter had kindly filled it with wine, though Gabriel was wishing it was whiskey. He wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able to watch Lucifer manipulate Sam. 

“Ah, I’m in pre-law. Actually, I just had an interview last week. Got accepted into their law program starting next year on a full ride.” Sam answered excitedly.  
He was quite proud of that achievement. Lucifer looked suitably impressed.   
“Law school huh? Well I don’t envy you.” Lucifer joked. Sam forced a laugh.   
“Why Stanford?” Lucifer asked innocently.   
Unseen by Sam, Gabriel rolled his eyes. Here it came. 

“I like the program. Has a good reputation.” Sam answered hesitantly.   
Lucfer smiled.  
“But not the best. Come on Sam, you must be good. You ever consider Harvard? Best Law school in the world.” he questioned.   
“I thought about. But I prefer Cali.” Sam answered.  
It was true, he’d thought about it, even gone as far as the fill in the applications. But he liked it at Stanford, he had friends there and now, especially with Dean moving, he didn’t want to upset the careful life he’d built there.   
“You know, I’m a Harvard alum myself. I could make a few calls, if you wanted, get you in? They owe me a few favors.” Lucifer offered.   
It went without saying that Sam would owe Lucifer a few favours for his help as well. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m happy with Stanford.” Sam answered firmly, surprising both brothers.   
Gabriel looked up at him affectionately. There weren’t many who stood up to Lucifer. He might have worded it like an offer, but his tone made it clear he’d expected Sam to accept. Unfortunately, it only seemed to increase Lucifer’s interest in Sam. He eyed him speculatively.   
“Well, the offer stands if you change your mind. But I suppose you have your reasons.” Lucifer acknowledged, with a significant look at Gabriel.   
He continued before either of them could speak. 

“You know, I’m surprised you’re taking a scholarship. Seems a little selfish don’t you think?” Lucifer insinuated.   
“You’d know all about that wouldn’t you?” Gabriel snarked.   
Lucifer ignored him.   
Sam was looking completely nonplussed, but Gabriel could see where this was going.   
“Selfish?” Sam asked, confused.   
“Well, I’m sure Gabriel here could afford your tuition. Unless you’ve finally seen sense and stopped handing out charity to all of your friends?” Lucifer asked lightly, stressing the last word in disbelief, expression belying his mild tone. 

“I prefer to earn my own way.” Sam cut in stiffly before Gabriel could start his angry retort.   
“Oh I’m sure you’d find a way to make it up to him.” Lucifer smirked.   
Gabriel’s hands balled into fists under the table as Sam blushed. Luckily, Michael chose that moment to return, reminding all three of them that there were other people in the room. Even with the audience, Gabriel was still considering punching his brother. To his surprise, Sam reached under the table discretely, and placed a hand over his fist. It startled him enough that he forgot his anger for a moment as he stared at Sam, but Sam had his eyes fixed resolutely on Michael as he called for their attention. Reluctantly, Gabriel did the same and Sam removed his hand. 

“I’m glad you could all make it. Thanksgiving is an important time for family.” Michael said formally, nodding to all of them before he sat down. “It’s a pity Castiel couldn’t join us. But we should be grateful that we can have almost all of our family under one roof.”   
“Yes, where is Adam.” Lucifer interrupted. “Surely he should be here? Family is so important after all.”  
Michael glared at his brother.  
“Adam is still at school.” Michael said shortly.   
“Where does he go?” Sam asked curious, breaking the tension.   
He was taking his position as Gabriel’s buffer seriously, but he wasn’t above using the opportunity to get to know his family a little better either. 

“Harvard.” Michael answered shortly, but Sam didn’t hesitate.  
“What’s he studying?”   
“He wants to be a doctor.” Michael said suspiciously.  
The suspicion was a reflex from a lifetime of people trying to pry into his private life. Sam however just looked impressed.   
“Wow, that’s amazing. Has he picked a specialty?” Sam asked eagerly.   
This time Michael’s smile reached his eyes as he realised Sam was genuinely interested, not digging for information, but trying to make conversation.   
“Not yet. He’s still only pre-med. But he’s very enthusiastic.” Michael explained, tone softening as he thought about his partner. 

Sam turned that same interested gaze on Maria.   
“What about you?” He asked.  
Maria looked up at Raphael before she answered, but she smiled warmly.   
“I’m a chemical engineer but I work with my husband.” She explained.   
“It must be nice, working together.” Sam observed.  
Surprisingly, Raphael was the one who answered.   
“It keeps life interesting.” He said, discretely taking Maria’s hand.

They were interrupted by the arrival of the food. Sam gaped at the table, completely covered in everything needed for a proper thanksgiving and then a whole lot more. Gabriel couldn’t help a low chuckle at the expression on his face.   
“Hungry?” He teased lightly.   
Sam looked at him, abashed, but grinned when he saw Gabriel’s smile.   
“Starving.” He muttered back.   
Despite that, he still managed to hold back, politely waiting for the others to fill their plates and start eating before he attacked his own. Dean had taught him at least the basics of table manners, and he knew how not to embarrass himself.

They continued the light small talk throughout dinner. Gabriel was uncharacteristically quiet. He was watching Sam, incredulous, as his unique blend of curiosity and genuine warmth drew his brothers out. Even Lucifer seemed charmed. The pointed comments, and side remarks continued of course, but Lucifer’s cutting remarks were met with laughter and Sam wasn’t afraid to challenge him right back. 

Sam was using himself as the verbal equivalent of a meat shield, filling awkward silences and steering the conversations away from dangerous topics. Gabriel just watched it all with awe as Sam deftly kept the attention on himself and away from Gabriel, giving him the space he needed converse easily with his brothers, without the pointed comments and weighty expectations making him snap. It was the first meal Gabriel could remember sharing with them that didn’t end in a fight and he couldn’t have been more grateful to him.

After dinner, they retired to the drawing room for coffee, a tradition that Gabriel found amusing for its antiquity. Who even had a drawing room anymore? Maria excused herself early, leaving Raphael, Lucifer and Michael to get drawn into discussion. Gabriel took advantage of the distraction to talk to Sam. 

“How you holding up there, kiddo?” Gabriel asked softly, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.   
It was a subtle difference, one no one would notice from a distance, and a habit he’d picked up during his forced societal years as a young teen, when his raging sweet tooth had been out of control, before he developed a taste for caffeine. Sam smiled at him tiredly.   
“I think that was the best food I’ve ever had.” He admitted.  
As much as he’d tried to resist, he’d ended up with four helpings of turkey, but no one seemed to mind. Even with the six of them, they’d barely made a real dent in the amount of food on the table.

Gabriel laughed quietly.   
“Wait till you try my cooking.” He challenged.   
Despite his promise, he still hadn’t had the opportunity to make Sam a decent meal. To his surprise, Sam blushed a little.   
“You don’t have to.” Sam said flustered.  
He didn’t want to admit how much he liked the idea.

Gabriel waved him away, scoffing.   
“Please. You just survived a Novak family dinner. That’s like surviving the apocalypse. I owe you one” Gabriel joked.   
“They didn’t seem that bad. I was expecting worse.” Sam admitted.  
Gabriel smiled up at him warmly.  
“That was all you kiddo. Seems my brothers like you.” 

“You know, I’m surprised you brought a date.” Lucifer interjected, sauntering up behind them unnoticed.   
Sam felt the change in Gabriel instantly. Gabriel flinched, but forced himself to meet his brother’s gaze, gold eyes flashing angrily.  
“Sam is not my date.” He said firmly.   
Lucifer tutted in sympathy.   
“That’s a pity. Though maybe just as well. I mean after that whole mess with Kali it’s probably for the best.” Lucifer observed innocently, but his smile was cruel.

Gabriel flinched, and Sam stepped forward, planting himself firmly between the brothers. He was toe to toe with Lucifer, glaring down at him.   
“Too far.” Sam growled.  
He didn’t know the full story, but he’d learned enough from both Gabriel and Castiel to know that Kali had broken Gabriel’s heart. He’d believed they didn’t need to be matched to be happy and she let him believe it while it suited her. The scowl on Castiel’s face when he mentioned it had been enough to tell the story. It was clearly still a sore spot for Gabriel, and Lucifer knew it. 

Lucifer was staring up at Sam, furious. He was used to using his height to his advantage to intimidate people, but with Sam that wasn’t an option. He wasn’t used to being on the receiving end and it left him rather disconcerted.  
“Excuse me?” He asked, incredulous.   
“You heard me. Apologise. Now.” Sam demanded.  
“Sam!” Gabriel exclaimed, surprised.  
“No, that was not ok Gabe. You’re family. He shouldn’t be trying to hurt you like that.” Sam explained, taking a half step back from Lucifer to look between the two of them. His expression was stony, and he folded his arms stubbornly. 

Lucifer glared at the two of them.  
“What would you know about family?” Lucifer spat, indignant.  
“More than you apparently.” Sam retorted.   
Lucifer looked at them both with disdain.   
“You watch you tone.” Lucifer threatened, but Sam didn’t back down.   
“You’re wasting your time Sam.” Gabriel said suddenly, stepping forward.  
He took a deep breath.  
“You know what Lucifer? I’m done. I’m done playing nice. You can go to hell.” Gabriel announced firmly. 

Lucifer stared at him, a mixture of anger, and strangely, pride. Michael was the one he fought with, Michael was the one who stood up to him. Gabriel was the one who ran away, the one who tried to play peacemaker. Once upon a time it used to work. But Lucifer grew bored with that, started playing his own games with his little brother. Sure he snapped and snarled, quick witted and insolent, but he always rolled over in the end. This time seemed different. The older brother in him was kind of impressed. 

“Don’t tell me you finally grew a spine?” Lucifer enquired mildly, as if he hadn’t been completely livid moments before.   
Gabriel eyed him suspiciously, but shrugged.  
“Gotta stop running sometime.” He answered seriously.   
Lucifer sneered at him, gesturing to Sam as if he were just another ornament in the room.   
“All this for him?” Lucifer eyed Sam speculatively.   
“I know he’s pretty, but he can’t be that good.” Lucifer drawled.  
Sam blushed violently, but Gabriel shook his head, gold eyes shining with anger.  
“Shut your mouth.” He snapped. “You would think that wouldn’t you Luci? But the truth? Sam’s a good person. Better than we’ll ever be. And even he can’t tolerate you. Maybe you should think about that.” Gabriel said harshly.   
Lucifer gaped at him.   
“You’re my brother and I love you,” he continued in that hollow, brittle tone, “but I’m done letting you treat people like crap. See you next year Luci. Let’s go Sam.” 

As much as he would have liked to make a dramatic exit, Gabriel forced himself to go over to Michael and Raphael and say good bye properly. Sam trailed him, looking stricken. He barely managed to stumble through the polite farewells. Neither Michael, nor Raphael had paid them the least bit attention, and missed the tension between their other brothers so they were surprised by the sudden departure. But Gabriel couldn’t stay, and it didn’t take them long before they were out the door and in the waiting cab.


	23. Chapter 23

The moment they were out of earshot Sam turned to Gabriel.  
“Gabriel. I-“ He stammered, feeling guilty.  
He hadn’t meant to start a fight with Lucifer, had spent all evening avoiding it, trying to make things run smoothly. But something about seeing Gabriel in pain had made him snap. Gabriel cut him off impatiently.  
“Don’t Sam. Just don’t.” He said shortly.  
Sam shut his mouth with a snap. 

It was a long silent trip back. Gabriel was tense and withdrawn, and Sam didn’t know what to do. Gabriel’s anger was like a wall, shutting him out and he’d never felt so completely cut off. He had them delivered straight to the airport, and Sam was too miserable to even enjoy the city lights. Normally, he’d be practically hanging out the window. It was his first trip to New York after all. But he just sat hunched awkwardly in the cab, wishing he knew what to do. 

It was well past midnight before they could leave. A few short phone calls from Gabriel had their stuff delivered and a flight clearance granted at the small private airport. It was a five-hour flight back to San Fransisco but at this rate, it was going to feel much longer. 

Once they were on board, Gabriel threw himself down in a seat by the window.  
“Get some sleep Sam.” He said shortly, gesturing back into the cabin without looking away from the window.  
Sam shuffled past him, pausing to look down at him. Light and shadows played across his face, bright in his hair, masking his face. He had a drink in one hand and he was still in his suit, hair falling around his face. Sam’s heart ached. He was at once beautiful and completely unobtainable. 

Sam shook his head, clearing his head of those thoughts. November was almost over, Dean would be there in a few days. And Sam was running out of time. It might be better if he started letting go. So he didn’t say anything as he curled up in a bed at the back of the plane. He let the few tears fall, dampening the pillow before he fell asleep. 

At the front of the plane, Gabriel’s thoughts were swirling, reaching his own desperate conclusions. He was quickly becoming resolved to do something he’d promised himself he’d never do again. But after tonight, it was a risk he needed to take. 

He didn’t move from his seat for the entire flight, and by the time they landed, the sun was coming up. The dawn was grey and cloudy, shaping up to be a thoroughly miserable day and Gabriel smiled grimly. The weather suited his mood. 

Sam stumbled out not long before landing. He’d changed out of his suit before falling asleep, and he was in rumpled jeans and a jacket. He sat down and looked out one of the windows, watching the ground getting closer and closer. Gabriel watched him instead. 

Neither one of them was inclined to break the silence that had fallen between them. Gabriel was too tired, needed sleep. He’d been awake for thirty-six hours now, and while he had years of practice as a student functioning on low sleep, even he had his limits. Sam was too trapped in his own head to know how to let any of it out. So they remained grim and silent on the thankfully short drive back. 

They pulled up at the curb outside Sam’s apartment, and Sam tried to speak.  
“Gabriel…” he started, but Gabriel just shook his head, meeting his eye for the first time.  
“Tonight.” He said softly. “I…We’ll talk tonight Sam, I just. I need sleep.” He explained, using the excuse to put it off.  
Sam jerked his head in agreement.  
“Tonight.” He agreed. 

He unfolded himself from the back of the car and gave Gabriel one last look before he made his way inside. His feet felt heavy and sluggish as climbed the stairs and he fumbled with the key a few times before he let himself in. As soon as he had the door shut, he dropped his bag on the floor and leant back against it, running one exhausted hand across his face. Almost unwillingly, he brought his arm back down and carefully pulled the cuff off his wrist, tracing the golden words there. Tonight. He was going to have to tell him tonight. Unknown to Sam, outside Gabriel was doing the same thing.


	24. Chapter 24

Gabriel was nervous as he knocked on Sam’s door. He wanted to do this here, without Castiel as an audience, and where he could leave if things went wrong. His hands were shaking and he had to take a deep breath to calm himself down. This used to be so easy. He flirted with almost anything that moved, and sometimes they flirted back. Simple, easy, uncomplicated. But Sam wasn’t like that. He was special. And it terrified Gabriel.

Sam opened the door abruptly; talking before he’d even opened it properly.  
“I am so sorry Gabriel.”  
Gabriel looked at him, taken aback.  
“What on earth are you sorry for?” He asked.  
“For starting that fight with Lucifer. I know you were trying to avoid that but I just couldn’t help it.” Sam said in a rush, panicking.  
Gabriel stepped forward with his hands raised reassuringly.  
“Hey, kiddo, just breathe for me alright?” Gabriel said seriously, looking at Sam, incredulous. 

Sam nodded hesitantly at him; relieved he didn’t seem angry anymore.  
“What you did was incredible. You stood up for me. No one’s ever done that before.” Gabriel explained.  
“But last night, you seemed really angry.” Sam said hesitantly.  
He hadn’t been able to shake that sick feeling all day.  
“At him, yeh. And myself. Never at you Sam.” Gabriel said gently.  
He could read the hurt in Sam’s eyes, and he felt guilty for putting it there. He hadn’t realised Sam would be blaming himself, though now it seemed obvious. Gabriel had just been too overwhelmed to want to talk, and he’d needed some space. 

“So, you gonna invite me in?” He asked, with a weak grin.  
Sam relaxed, and grinned back.  
“Yeh, sorry come in.” Sam gestured, leading the way in.  
“So you’re ok?” He asked, sounding more casual than he felt as he headed for the kitchen.  
“Yeh, I guess I needed to do that. Had to stop running eventually.” Gabriel shrugged. 

He’d spent a lot of time thinking about his brothers and what they meant to him. And he’d realised last night that while he might still care about them, he didn’t crave their attention anymore. Every choice he’d made had always been about them. He chose majors with almost no commercial applications because it would annoy them. He chose to spend his money on frivolous things, or helping people because he knew they would disapprove. 

He could see now he was no better than Lucifer, acting out because he’d lost their father’s attention. But last night, he hadn’t been acting out, hadn’t been baiting Lucifer. He’d said what he did because it was true, and because he didn’t want Lucifer to take his anger out on Sam. He’d made a choice for himself, and it made all the difference. Now it was time to make another choice for himself. If he could find the courage to do it. 

Sam was watching him carefully as he offered Gabriel a drink. He took it on reflex, but didn’t open it. Sam could tell something was bothering Gabriel, but he had his own problem to focus on. He’d got a message from Dean telling him he’d be arriving on Sunday, just two days from now. If Sam was ever going to tell Gabriel, it would have to be tonight. But he didn’t know how. So instead, he tried to draw Gabriel out. 

“You know, I never asked about the names?” Sam commented, grasping at the first topic that came to mind.  
It made sense, given how much time he’d spent thinking about the name on his wrist. Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him, the ghost of a smirk on his face.  
“Names?” He asked, playing dumb.  
It was usually one of the first questions people had when they found out about the brothers, and he was actually surprised it had taken Sam this long to comment on it. 

“Well yeh, I mean, Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, Gabriel, Castiel? They’re all angels, right?” Sam asked.  
Gabriel really did smirk this time.  
“Yup. Dad’s idea of a joke. He always had a lousy sense of humour.” Gabriel mocked.  
“So what’s the joke?” Sam asked curious, leaning against the bench.  
“Our Dad’s name was Chuck.” Gabriel explained, looking at Sam expectantly.  
He didn’t get it, shaking his head in confusion.  
“Chuck, as in Charles?’ Gabriel prompted.  
Sam wrinkled his face in bewilderment, before huffing a laugh.  
“You mean like, Charlie’s angels?” Sam asked incredulous.  
“Yep.” Gabriel chirped, grinning at Sam laughter.  
“Oh man, you’re right, that’s terrible.” Sam snickered. 

Gabriel watched Sam’s face light up with amusement, and felt his resolve stiffen. Deliberately, he set his drink down on the counter and turned to face Sam seriously.  
“Look, Sam, I wanted to talk to you about…about what Lucifer said.” He started nervously.  
Sam half reached out towards him, but thought better of it.  
“Hey, no Gabe, you don’t have to explain.” Sam said hastily.  
“No, I need to.” Gabriel replied firmly, before his nerves overcame him again. 

“Look, can we sit down?” He asked nervously.  
Sam nodded, leaving his own drink beside Gabriel’s and taking a seat on the couch. Gabriel joined him stiffly, turning to face Sam.  
“Lucifer was right. After Kali, I kind of stopped. I didn’t want to risk getting hurt like that again. This whole soul mate thing, I never used to think it mattered, that we were free to make our own choices. But after her, I thought maybe we were better off just getting with the program. If it’s all set in stone, why mess with destiny right?” Gabriel asked bitterly. 

Sam didn’t respond, just watched and waited patiently. He didn’t know where this was going, but he had a bad feeling.  
“I know Luci said some pretty awful things about us, and I think that was my fault.” Gabriel continued, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to meet Sam’s eyes. Gabriel loved the way they changed in the light. At the moment they were reflecting a bluish sort of grey.  
“You don’t have to apologise for him Gabe.” Sam said gently, but Gabriel shook his head. 

“I’m not apologizing, I just. God why is this so hard? Look Sam, I…” He faltered and Sam reached out instinctively, placing one of his hands over Gabriel’s. He took courage from that gesture and took another breath.  
“I don’t care about our marks or destiny. I should know better after last time, but I just… You make me want to try anyway. Because the words are wrong. I…I love you Sam. I know that’s insane, but I just,..” He ran out of words, numb from the admission. 

Sam stared at him in shock, face an unmoving mask. Gabriel forgot how to breathe, just waiting for a reaction. But as the moment stretched and Sam stayed silent, he felt the pain threatening to overwhelm him, and he retreated, backpedaling madly.  
“I’m sorry, I should go, forget I said anything.” He muttered, making to stand, but Sam’s hand was still holding his and he used it to pull Gabriel back down beside him. 

Gabriel didn’t know how to read him, couldn’t stand the silence, but if Sam wasn’t letting him leave, he took that as a good sign. So he did something he’d desperately wanted to do almost since they’d met. He reached up and threaded his fingers through his long hair, stroking gently before pulling him down until their lips met. 

Sam responded tentatively to the pressure. Gabriel was warm and soft against him and he put his arms around him, instinctively pulling him closer. Gabriel ended up half in his lap. But when Gabriel pushed closer, seeking to deepen the kiss, he felt Sam stiffen and break away. 

Gabriel was panting slightly as he looked up at Sam, all reason gone. If he had any doubts before they were gone now. If Sam wanted him, there was nothing in this universe that was going to keep him away, Winchester or no Winchester. But Sam was looking at him with fear and he quickly realised something was wrong.  
“I can’t Gabe.” Sam whispered drawing back.  
“Why?” Gabriel asked fiercely, wrapping a hand gently around Sam’s wrist, over his cuff. “Because of this? It doesn’t matter Sam. I’m willing to risk it.” Gabriel argued. 

He’d done this before, when he was young and in love, dazzled by beauty and an elegant kind of cruelty. He’d thought they could beat the odds before, but she’d only seen him as a fool to be used until someone else came along. And he’d promised he’d never let that happen again. But he’d never planned on meeting Sam. 

He almost laughed thinking back on what he’d had with Kali, thinking that might even come close to what he had now. This was so much more. In a few months, Sam knew him better than friends he’d had for years. None of them knew his story, certainly none had met his family. Sam had supported him, listened to him and defended him, taking him seriously when no one else did. He was everything Gabriel wanted. So this, this he was willing to take the risk for. And if he got his heart broken again, then he would think it was worth it if he could have this, just for a little while. 

Sam watched him, stricken. He tried to force the words out, but he could barely breathe through the fear. So instead he carefully pulled his hand away from Gabriel’s grip and started fumbling with the clasps. Gabriel reached out a hand to stop him, face hardening.  
“Stop, Sam. If you don’t want this...I...I’ll understand. But make your own choice. Don’t let this tell you what to do.” Gabriel pleaded.  
He didn’t want to look and see someone else’s name, the name of whoever was going to steal his Sam. 

“It matters.” Sam said shortly, removing the cuff.  
Despite his resistance, Gabriel’s gaze was drawn towards it like gravity. But when he saw it, his mind froze in shock. It was his name. He didn’t understand. He looked back up to see Sam watching him sadly. Gabriel reached out tentatively to trace over the find gold letters, a touch so light it was barely there, but even that made Sam shiver. 

Gabriel’s mind slowly started working again. He reached down with shaking hands to undo his own cuff, baring his wrist and laying it side by side with Sam’s own.  
_Samuel Winchester  
Gabriel Novak _

He looked back up and Sam almost gasped at the pain in those golden eyes. Gabriel was reeling.  
“You're a Winchester.” He stated flatly.  
The coincidences were too big. Sam didn’t try to deny it. The last part of him that had been holding onto hope died. It was true.  
“John, my…Our dad was a real piece of work. I told him I was going to college, he told me not to come back. So I ran away, changed my name. Didn’t want anything from him.” Sam stammered, trying to explain, sounding broken. 

Gabriel barely heard him. He was rapidly going numb. It had hurt to think that Sam was rejecting him for some faceless stranger he’d never met. It was worse to know that he was that stranger. The one person who was supposed to accept him, the one person who everyone had said was supposed to love him had lied and hidden from him. 

He grasped desperately at something, anything. He knew Sam, he did, he was sure of it. There had to be a reason.  
“Why?” He managed to force out, barely holding back the scream that was threatening to rip out of him.  
Sam shook his head, eyes swimming, but no tears falling yet. Dimly Gabriel was aware there was still a part of him that wanted to wipe them away, hold him close until they stopped. But how could he do that when he was the one causing them? And what right did Sam have to cry anyway. He’d caused this mess. 

“I just…I don’t want...”  
Sam tripped over the words, not knowing how to explain why he’d done it. How he’d wanted the chance to have Gabriel, just to spend time with him, to get to know him without everything else. There was no way he would understand. Sam barely understood it himself. He was broken in a way no one could fix and Gabriel deserved so much better. 

Gabriel stood abruptly. He didn’t want to hear anymore. He didn’t need a reason. Sam had lied to him. Even now, he could forgive that if Sam was willing to try. But he wasn’t. He was still holding Gabriel at a distance, expression remote and closed off. He hadn’t responded to Gabriel’s admission of his feelings. This wasn’t a happy reveal that was going to end in a sunset. He could take the hint. His soulmate was rejecting him. Gabriel needed to get away. There was nothing for him here. 

He stumbled back from the couch, almost tripping over his feet.  
“Gabriel, wait.” Sam called, standing and reaching for him, but Gabriel was fast. He slipped away from him, fumbling with the door.  
“No, Sam. You made your choice.” He snarled before he was backing away.  
He barely made it home before he collapsed; he slumped against his door, face in his hands, too numb to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry?


	25. Chapter 25

Dean knocked on Castiel’s door, thrumming with excitement. He hadn’t told him he was coming, wanting it to be a surprise. He hadn’t even gone to Sam first, he’d driven straight here. It had taken him two days to get here, remembering to stop this time. He didn’t want another lecture from Gabriel. 

Castiel opened the door looking distracted. Their eyes locked and Dean felt it, like a palpable connection between the two of them. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Dean just drank in the sight of him, looking a little mussed, in jeans and a hoodie. It was more casual than the last time he’d seen him and he instantly liked it. Cas was equally affected, swaying slightly towards him.   
“Dean.” He said lowly.   
“Hey Cas.” Dean breathed with a smile. 

He didn’t know how long they might have stayed that way if someone hadn’t interrupted.   
“What does he want?” Gabriel called loudly from the couch.   
It broke the spell. Cas scowled at him darkly, taking half a step back, posture become stiff and unwelcoming.   
“You lied to me.” Cas accused roughly. 

Dean stared at him completely nonplussed.  
“Whoa guys, what’s going on?” Dean asked, stepping past Cas to see Gabriel sprawled on the couch.   
“What happened to you?” He asked with a sinking feeling.   
Gabriel looked terrible. He hadn’t shaved in a few days and he was looking particularly unkempt.   
“You brother happened.” Gabriel snapped, though there was no real heat in it.  
Despite what had happened, he still wanted Cas to be happy, and he didn’t want this to get between them. He’d never seen Cas as happy as he had been the past month, and no way was he letting his own messed up life screw that up for his brother.

“You ok man?” Dean asked.  
He had to admit, he had a lot of sympathy for Gabriel at this moment.   
“What do you think?” Gabriel snarked back.   
Castiel was eyeing Dean, carefully.   
“You knew they were matched.” He said finally.  
Dean nodded, guiltily.   
“Look guys, I’m sorry. I told Sam I wasn’t going to lie to you anymore. Once I was here, that was it. But you didn’t see him. He was scared. Like, clown with chainsaws level scared. I’ve never seen him like that before.” Dean explained, reaching towards Cas.

Castiel stiffened, but didn’t draw back, examining Dean’s face carefully.   
“What’s he got to be scared of?” Gabriel drawled rolling his eyes at the two.  
You could practically see the tension between them and it was just another reminder of what he didn’t have. He couldn’t even really say he’d lost it.

“I don’t know man. But you should have seen his face.” Dean paused for a moment remembering.   
It was the only reason he’d agreed to this whole charade.   
Castiel thought about it. He wasn’t willing to give this up with Dean, but he had seen the wreck that Gabriel had become over the past two days, and he was angry with Sam that he could destroy his brother so completely. That anger had spilled over to Dean for keeping Sam’s identity secret. But with Dean here now, apologizing, looking truly torn, Castiel began to consider it from his perspective. 

“What exactly did Sam say?” Cas asked persistently.   
He was conscious that Dean had a hand on his arm, but made no move to take it away. Dean reached up his free hand and ran it through his hair, half turning towards Gabriel, who was pretending not to watch them.   
“Not much. Just that he thought he was a freak and seemed convinced you were going to hate him. I thought maybe if he had some time, got to know you without the whole soulmate thing, it would help.” Dean admitted. 

Both brothers looked surprised at that. Gabriel shook his head in confusion. It didn’t make any sense. He’d told Sam how he felt. Hell he’d been willing to try making it work even when he didn’t know they were matched. Sam knew about his history with Kali, knew how big a deal that would be for him. So if anyone had a right to be scared of rejection it should be Gabriel. Unless Sam had more secrets? 

For Castiel, the matter was less complicated. Whatever happened between his brother and Dean’s, he didn’t think it needed to affect them. He couldn’t blame Dean for Sam’s actions. But Dean had lied to him. That was where Castiel objected. Though hearing Dean’s explanation, Cas had to consider it. If Gabriel had come to him scared and needing him, there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do. He could understand Dean wanting to protect his brother. He fixed Dean with a stern look. 

“Promise me there are no more secrets.”   
“None. I promise, nothing but truth.” Dean reassured, knowing how important this was.  
Cas nodded, satisfied.   
“I understand you wanted to protect your brother. But now, we need to fix my brother.” Cas said firmly, ignoring Gabriel’s objection.  
“How are we gonna do that?” Dean asked, looking between the two.   
“Hey, guys I’m right here? And I’m not broken.” Gabriel muttered.

Castiel tilted his head, looking at Dean considering.   
“Talk to Sam. Find out why.” Cas said finally, but Dean was already shaking his head.   
“Oh no, I’m not getting in the middle of this. This is between them. I’ll get Sam to get his butt over here and explain what the hell is going on, but I’m not being here for it.” Dean said firmly.   
“Why not?” Castiel asked.   
“Trust me, this isn’t something you want to get involved in. Whatever’s going on in Sam’s head, if anyone’s going to get it out of him, it will be Gabriel.” Dean reasoned. 

Gabriel snorted in disbelief, but Castiel looked convinced. If Sam was reluctant to admit what was wrong, an audience would be more likely to make him resist. And now that Castiel thought about it, he knew something must be wrong. He had seen them together, and was sure Sam liked Gabriel. 

It made Cas feel a little better. He had liked Sam, but thinking that Sam had simply rejected Gabriel was not something he could forgive. If there were a deeper motive, Cas would consider it.   
“Whatever you think is best Dean.” Castiel said, deferring to Dean’s better judgment, at least concerning his brother. 

Dean nodded.   
“Right, well I guess I have a little brother to go beat some sense into.” He announced, looking at both of them.   
“But first.” He added, focusing on Cas.   
Dean stepped closer, pulling Castiel in and he went willingly. Green eyes locked on blue and the rest of the world fell away. Cas could feel Dean’s heart beat through his shirt and breathed in his leather and pine smell and just melted.   
“Miss me?” Dean teased lightly, so close his breath fanned across Cas’s face. Cas nodded helplessly before he reached up and pulled Dean down to meet him, lips sliding together. 

From the couch Gabriel rolled his eyes, and made gagging motions. It hurt like hell to watch, but he was also secretly pleased for them.   
“Get a room.” He called.  
They ignored him. 

Finally they broke apart. Castiel was blushing and Dean had a silly grin plastered on his face, looking pleased. Looking over at Gabriel though he sobered quickly.  
“Alright, you need a shower. You smell terrible.” Dean said pointedly.  
“Bite me.” Was Gabriel’s response, though he had to admit he had a point.   
“As for you.” Dean said turning back to Cas. “We have a date tonight.”   
Cas’s smile broadened.   
“Pick you up at 6?” Dean asked with a wink.  
Castiel nodded enthusiastically. Dean couldn’t help one last quick kiss before he was out the door. It was far shorter than he would have liked, but he was determined to fix this and quickly. Now that he had Cas, more than anything he wanted his brother to be happy. And one way or another, he knew Gabriel was the answer.


	26. Chapter 26

Dean slammed into Sam’s apartment. He had a key and wasn’t afraid to use it. Sam was curled up on his couch, looking almost as miserable as Gabriel had. Dean wrinkled his nose, and shook his head.   
“Oh no, you don’t get to pull this crap. Not this time Sammy.” Dean criticized, marching around to stand over his brother.  
“Dean?” Sam questioned, groggily.  
He checked his phone for the first time in days. He was almost surprised to see it was Sunday. He was glad campus had closed down over Thanksgiving. He didn’t think he’d remember to call in work. 

Dean took in his brother. His normally tidy apartment was a mess. Clearly he hadn’t bothered cleaning up in a few days, bowls and plates scattered around, most of them covered with half eaten meals. That on its own was a bad sign. Sam ate a lot, all of them time. At almost 6’4” and still growing, he was always hungry. Leaving a plate unemptied was the equivalent of skipping several meals. The several empty whiskey bottles were even more concerning.

Sam himself didn’t look much better. His hair was on the greasy side and Dean suspected he hadn’t showered for days. It hurt him to see his brother like this, so clearly in pain, but he steeled himself against it. Sam had brought this on himself, and only he could fix it. Dean just had to get him to see that. 

“Alright princess rise and shine. You have a mess here and it’s time to fix it.” Dean cajoled.   
“Go away Dean.” Sam replied, curling in on himself.   
“Come on man, what happened?” Dean asked, moving over to sit beside Sam on the couch.   
“You said to tell him, I told him.” Sam snapped shortly.   
“You know what I mean. Come on Sammy, talk to me.” Dean begged.  
Despite what he’d said to Gabriel, he couldn’t help trying to get his brother to open up. The big brother in him was screaming at him to fix this, to wrap his brother up and make the world stop hurting him. 

“Look Dean just leave it alone ok? It’s done.” Sam said morosely.  
Dean stared at him, not quite believing it.   
“You’re selfish you know that?” Dean started angrily.  
Sam didn’t try and argue with him.   
“What about Gabriel huh? You’re just gonna leave him hanging?” Dean asked. “You wanna know what he’s doing right now?”  
Sam shrugged, infuriating Dean.   
“He’s sitting there replaying every awful thing anyone’s ever said to him, wondering what’s so wrong with him he deserves this.” Dean explained, livid. 

Even though he didn’t know Gabriel well, Dean was familiar enough with the signs. He saw them often enough in the mirror. Gabriel might have put on a good front, but his demons were tearing him apart. Dean would know, he had enough demons of his own. It wasn’t hard for him to guess what was going on in his head. 

That at least got a reaction out of Sam.  
“What? No, this isn’t his fault!” Sam exclaimed.   
“You’re right it isn’t. But does he know that?” Dean challenged.   
Sam shook his head. He knew he hadn’t done a very good job of explaining. Hadn’t really explained it at all. All Gabriel had seen was rejection. But Sam didn’t believe there was any other option for them, so he hadn’t bothered trying to chase him. Now though, he realised Dean was right. Gabriel was probably taking it out on himself right now and that was the last thing Sam wanted. He couldn’t believe he’d left it the way he had. It was probably killing him. Sam was going to have to face this. He could, for Gabriel’s sake. 

Dean saw the change and nodded approvingly.   
“Alright, you need a shower. I’m taking Cas out tonight so go see him. Work this out. You at least owe him an explanation.” Dean said, softening.   
Sam nodded.  
“Alright, but Dean?” Sam asked. “Please don’t…don’t hate me?” Sam asked plaintively.   
He was worried what his brother was going to think when the truth came out. Dean couldn’t resist those puppy eyes. He drew his brother into a firm hug.  
“I could never hate you Sammy. You’re my brother. Winchesters against the world, remember?”  
Sam huffed a laugh.   
“Right. Winchesters against the world.”   
“Good, now go shower. You stink.” Dean teased, leaning away from him.  
Sam threw him a look but stood reluctantly, nodding to himself. He could do this. He could make it through one more night. He looked down at his brother.  
“Thanks Dean.” He said softly.   
“Anytime Sammy.” Dean replied.   
They didn’t need any more words than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really nervous about this next chapter. I'm completely blown away by the responses to this. I don't want to disappoint anyone, but this probably isn't going where you expect. But I still hope you like it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this was really hard to write. I've rewritten it about four times now. Sorry in advance.

Sam was staring at the door. He’d been standing there for longer than he’d like to admit. Dean had left earlier, after another stern lecture. He’d gone to pick up Cas and promised Sam that they wouldn’t be back tonight, leaving them the whole night free to talk. Apparently Dean had something special planned. Sam was glad everything was ok between Dean and Cas. He’d felt awful thinking that he might come between them. 

It had taken almost two hours for him to muster the courage to come here. He’d changed several times, nervously fiddled with everything in his apartment, and tried to ignore the constant ticking from his clock, marking every lost second. He knew he needed to do this. But even after he’d managed to make it out of his apartment, he just couldn’t bring himself to knock. 

Sam took a step forward and raised his hand, but froze halfway, dropping it again. He jumped when the door swung open. Gabriel was there, staring at him coldly, leaning casually against the door. He didn’t look surprised to see him, and Sam flushed as he suddenly remembered Gabriel telling him about the door cam. He wondered how long Gabriel had been watching him. 

“What do you want _Winchester_?”   
Gabriel’s voice was flat and harsh, and Sam hadn’t heard it that hostile towards him since he’d knocked him down on their first meeting. He wasn’t prepared for this. Gabriel looked like he hadn’t slept in days, eyes shadowed. Sam could tell he was trying to appear unaffected, but it made Sam sick with guilt to see the impact of what he’d done. Dean was right, he owed Gabriel an explanation, if only so he could move on with his life.

“We need to talk.” Sam stammered, voice breaking.   
Gabriel stepped back unwillingly, letting Sam in. He knew Sam was right, but he didn’t break his angry posture, moving to lean against the wall, watching Sam stand awkwardly in the middle of the room.   
“You planning to tell the truth this time?” He asked bitterly, refusing to allow Sam’s broken state to sway him. 

Holding on to his anger was the only thing he had left, the rest of him was hollowed out and screaming darkness. If he let himself feel anything, it would break him. So he tried not to see the way Sam’s hands were trembling, or the fact that he looked almost as bad as Gabriel felt. Watching him hesitate on his doorstep had been hard enough. Pride had made him want to wait, but in the end it hurt too much to watch. 

Sam took a deep breath.   
“I am so sorry Gabriel.” He started, but didn’t get to continue before Gabriel stopped him.   
“Save it Sam. I don’t care about sorry. I just want to know why. And don’t give me that crap about getting to know me, or being scared of being rejected. I told you how I felt. Didn’t seem to make a difference.” Gabriel spat, finally giving voice to some of the darkness that had been locked inside for days, swirling around his head. 

“Gabriel…” Sam choked, trying to speak but not finding the words.   
He sank hopelessly onto the couch, face buried in his hands. Gabriel watched him, desperately struggling to keep hold of his own control, but he could feel it slipping. 

“Tell me, how much of it was a lie? Because I thought we were friends, but you’d think if we even had that much you could have at least tried talking to me. So what is it Sam? Do you really hate me that much?” Gabriel asked, trying for unconcerned, but his voice broke on the last word. There had to be something wrong with him. Why else had Sam shut him out, refused to even try? 

Sam stared up at him in horror, eyes shining with tears. They were blue today, a clear, sad colour and Gabriel couldn’t help but find that appropriate.   
“No.” Sam said emphatically, shaking his head. “Gabriel, no. I…I love you.” He admitted, forcing the words out, voice breaking. 

Three days ago, it was all Gabriel had wanted to hear. But now, he just shook his head in disbelief.   
“You got a funny way of showing it.” He said stubbornly, not believing it.  
Sam laughed hollowly.   
“I know, just. God Gabe, I’m a mess ok? I’m a trainwreck of a person and I’m sorry you got stuck with me.” Sam said bitterly, dropping his face back in his hands. 

Gabriel couldn’t help it, he unfolded his arms and took half a step forward without even thinking about it before he stopped himself. Sam sounded so broken and bitter, like he actually believed what he was saying. For the first time, Gabriel understood what it was Dean had seen than kept him silent. Sam was terrified of something, but what could he possibly have to be scared of?

Gabriel hesitated before moving over to sit beside Sam. He would probably curse himself for it later, admonish himself for the fool he was, allowing himself to get close again, the give someone yet another opening to tear him down, but there was a part of Gabriel that just couldn’t bear to see Sam in pain. Sam sat up and looked down at him, surprised as he sat beside him. Gabriel reached up tentatively to brush a stray strand out of Sam’s eyes, eyes widening in surprised as he leaned into the touch. Gabriel couldn’t help the faint spark of hope that kindled in his chest. 

“Talk to me kiddo.” He entreated softly. “What could be so bad that you can’t tell _me_? I showed you _Lucifer_. It can’t get much worse than that.” He was desperately hoping that Dean was right, that there was something wrong and he wasn’t about to get his heart stomped on again.

Sam could barely breathe, just focused on the gold of his eyes, trying to anchor himself. Gabriel dropped his hand from Sam’s face to take his trembling hands in both of his. If this was going to be his last chance, he wasn’t going to run. Not this time. Now that he was allowing himself, he could see the fear and shame in Sam’s eyes as he hesitated, and he put aside his anger. Patience had never been a virtue of his, but for Sam he was willing to try. 

“I meant what I said kiddo. I want to make this work. Not because of this.”   
He rubbed a thumb absently over Sam’s wrist. Sam hadn’t worn his cuff today and Gabriel’s fingers brushed against bare skin.   
“I love you because of who you are. God, kid you’re incredible and you don’t even know it. If you do-“ He struggled with the words, still doubting them, but Sam cut him off, saying them for him.

“I do. I do love you Gabe. You have no idea how much I- But I just…I don’t know how.” He took a deep breathe. “I’m broken Gabriel. I don’t _want_ like normal people. I tried, I did. But I can’t and I don’t know how to make this work.” He said blushing fiercely.   
Gabriel gazed up at him in confusion, before his expression cleared as he got it.   
“Wait, are we talking about sex?” Gabriel asked incredulous.   
He almost laughed. But the stricken expression on Sam’s face as he nodded stopped him. 

“That’s what you’ve been so worried about? You don’t want sex?” Gabriel clarified, still incredulous before his brain caught up with what he was saying.   
“Wait, just with me or with anyone?” He asked, eyebrows raised.   
Sam shook his head emphatically.   
“Anyone. Ever.” Sam said quickly, fear still evident in his voice. 

Gabriel stilled, looking up at his soulmate, seeing the turmoil in his eyes, and he knew that whatever he said next would decide them. It wasn’t something he could be flippant about or take lightly. This mattered. 

He really thought about what Sam was saying and as he did a thousand things clicked into place, little things he’d noticed but never attributed any meaning to. All the signs had been there if only he was looking. 

He could feel Sam trembling, and for a moment he wondered what he’d done to make Sam so afraid of this, of him. But really, could he blame him? Love and sex, the two were so entwined that he didn’t wonder that Sam assumed one needed the other. Even his own actions had encouraged that. He’d told him he loved him, and then he’d kissed him. Sam’s first, he realised belatedly. It was clear what Sam must have thought Gabriel wanted. 

He took his hands away and noticed Sam flinch, bracing as if expecting a blow. And Gabriel couldn’t blame him. His heart ached to realise that this is what had been hurting Sam for so long. It wasn’t fear that had made him lie. Sam was the bravest person Gabriel knew, and fear wouldn’t keep him silent. It was shame. He thought he was broken and that not even his soul mate would accept him. 

How many times had he called himself a freak, or tried to make himself feel what he thought he should, knowing it was useless, how many times had he pictured this scene, imagined trying to tell him, only to be rejected? Gabriel remembered what Sam had said about having hope. And it broke his heart a little more to realise exactly what he’d meant. He didn’t believe Gabriel could love him and stay with him, not without something Sam wasn’t willing to give, but he couldn’t crush the tiny amount of hope that maybe, just maybe, the universe would be kind, that he would stay. 

And that was the real question wasn’t it? Was this something he could live with? He knew this wasn’t a decision he could make for Sam’s sake. This was his life too and he needed to decide what was important. Walking away now would destroy Sam completely. But staying if he could never be happy would be worse, a slow corrosion of themselves until they were both left bitter and angry, blaming each other. 

Gabriel’s thoughts were swirling. He took a deep breath and focused on Sam. Ever changing eyes that sparkled when he laughed, floppy hair that was always falling in his eyes that he refused to cut, a kindness that went beyond anything Gabriel had ever seen. Sam cared about people so much, he helped perfect strangers because he could. 

He thought about the way Sam had defended him from Lucifer, the way he took Gabriel seriously when everyone else thought he was joking. About the way Gabriel’s stomach had flipped when Sam had given him that soft, sleepy smile while he was cooking the Winchester’s breakfast. He didn’t forget about the bad stuff either. Sam was moody and bossy at time.. The past two days misery were still fresh in his mind, the anger and bitterness at being lied to. But now, could he really blame Sam? He hadn’t even given him a chance to explain. He’d read the distance Sam had been keeping as a rejection and never let him get the words out.

It was clear from his expression now he was waiting for Gabriel’s disappointment, maybe even disgust. How must it feel, believing your soul mate would reject you for what you are, the one everyone tells you should love you unconditionally? What Gabriel had been feeling the past two days was what Sam must have felt all the time, just an impending sense of doom and a complete and utter belief in his own self-hatred. 

Gabriel thought about all of this and more, aware of the silence between them. And he realised, looking at Sam now, that when he looked at him, he didn’t see attractive features, though he definite was attractive. He saw Sam, saw how all the facets of his personality were woven through his expression, his moods printed clearly on his face. When he thought about Sam, he thought about the way he smiled, about his warmth and kindness. He could easily admit there were other thoughts in there as well, his own private fantasies he’d entertained. But they didn’t come close the reality of just having Sam there. 

Gabriel realised he’d already made his choice. There could never be anyone for him but Sam. Not because his name was printed on his skin, but because he’d fallen for him, harder, faster, and further than he ever had, or ever would again. If sex was the goal, there were a thousand countless strangers he could have, and none of it would come close to being as important as what he had right here in front of him. If he had to choose between the two, love won out every time. Now he just had to convince Sam of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides and barricades the door.


	28. Chapter 28

Sam flinched as he saw Gabriel take a breath, finally ready to speak. He’d been silent for what felt like an eternity after Sam’s admission, though it was probably barely thirty seconds. Only the fact that he didn’t trust his legs to support him was keeping him there. He’d said what he needed to say. Gabriel would know this wasn’t his fault, would be able to place the blame squarely on Sam’s defective shoulders and move on with his life. Sure he could curse the universe for matching him with someone so unsuitable, but he could find someone else. He’d already said he didn’t care about the marks. Sam had no doubt he’d find someone better. 

It hurt waiting, but the worst was over. Now all he had to do was sit through the fall out, wait for Gabriel to tell him to leave and he could go home and curl up again, work through the pain. It would be worse now. He’d spent so long not sure whether he wanted to meet Gabriel or not, but now that he had, he preferred the uncertainty. The loneliness he’d felt before would be nothing compared to what it would be like now, knowing exactly what he was missing, and more importantly, having known, just for a moment, what could have been when Gabriel had looked at him with love, warm and comforting against him. 

He was surprised when Gabriel reached out again and took his hand, using his other hand to tip Sam’s face up to meet his. But he supposed he should have expected it. Gabriel had a surprising streak of kindness that he rarely showed. It tended to come out most around Cas, but he’d seen flashes of it on occasion. He probably wanted to let Sam down easily. 

“Listen to me very carefully Sam.” Gabriel started, low and fierce, keeping Sam’s eyes fixed on his own.   
“There is nothing wrong with you.” Gabriel said firmly.  
He didn’t even need Sam to speak, he could see the doubt bloom in his eyes, and he shook his head, cutting off his response.   
“We’re all flawed Sam. But you are the best person I have ever met and there is nothing wrong with you.” Gabriel said fiercely, leaning forward. 

Sam nearly broke hearing those words. He would have if he believed them. It was the kind of acceptance he’d dreamed of but never allowed himself to believe was possible. But he was painfully aware that he had said nothing about himself, and Sam was waiting for the but, sure this was just the prelude to the easy let down. 

Gabriel could still see the doubt on Sam’s face and part of him wanted to shake him. But he was being careful. He didn’t want to risk scaring Sam away again, or making him uncomfortable. This was a whole new game he was playing, and he didn’t know all the rules. So he moved slowly, giving Sam plenty of time to back away as he moved closer. 

“This doesn’t have to change anything Sammy. I still want to curl up here with you and watch bad movies, and wake up with you in the morning, and make you breakfast. Which is really saying something kiddo, because I’ve seen you before you’ve had coffee and boy is it not a pretty sight. Like being an extra in the walking dead.” He tried to joke, needing the levity.   
“But what about…” Sam trailed off and gestured vaguely, but the blush meant Gabriel knew exactly what he was talking about.   
“Not gonna lie kiddo, sex is pretty great. But you don’t want anyone and I don’t want anyone else, and that’s ok. Not everyone does. It doesn’t make you a freak and you are definitely not broken. I’ll take you however I can get you, even if you just want to be friends.” Gabriel said firmly. “But I’m not a mind reader Sam. You need to tell me what you want here.”

Gabriel stopped and waited, barely daring to breathe. He knew Sam was still scared, and he was fighting a lifetime of shame and guilt. There was still a chance he would run. It was probably going to take him a long time to convince Sam he was serious, but they could work through their issues together. First though, Sam to be willing to try. Gabriel had said all he could. Now it was up to him. 

Sam’s head was spinning. He was staring at Gabriel, incredulous, barely able to process what he was hearing. Sam looked down at those blazing golden eyes he loved so much, and felt the first sting of tears pricking just behind his eyes. There was nothing but fierce determination and perfect acceptance in Gabriel’s face, and Sam couldn’t bear to meet them. Instead of the recriminations and anger he was expecting, Gabriel _understood_. He fell forward, burying his face against Gabriel’s shoulder. Gabriel arms came up to wrap around him tightly and he just held him. 

It wasn’t the fireworks that his friends described, but it was warmth and steady comfort in being held and being loved that eased the horrible aching in Sam’s chest. Dimly he was aware of Gabriel murmuring soothingly in his ear, the kind of nonsense babbling, where the tone was more important than the words. Finally Sam drew back, just far enough to rest their foreheads together. 

“I want this.” Sam breathed and Gabriel didn’t need him to explain.   
He could feel it, the palpable connection between them, the same one he’d felt when they first met, the one that had driven him to ask Sam to coffee, to give him his phone number, to keep coming back.   
“I liked kissing you.” Sam admitted softly. “And I like being close to you.” He added, wrapping an arm around Gabriel’s waist, drawing him closer. Gabriel chuckled softly.   
“I can work with that.” He grinned suddenly, hands threading through Sam’s hair, pulling him down until their lips met, tentatively at first, but when Sam didn’t pull away, Gabriel took it further, pushing closer until Sam was forced to lean back against the couch, taking Gabriel with him. 

Sam was relishing in the feeling of having Gabriel against him. He was still tense and nervous, hoping he wouldn’t go too far. But Gabriel kept his movements slow and deliberate, making sure that Sam knew he wasn’t about to cross any lines. Slowly, Sam relaxed, until a low growling sound interrupted them.   
“Hungry?” Gabriel laughed, pulling back a little to look down at Sam.  
Sam nodded sheepishly.   
“Starving. I haven’t been eating much since, well...” Sam explained awkwardly, not wanting to bring it up again. Gabriel scowled at him and sighed, sitting back up. Sam quickly followed suit. He moved slightly so their knees were touching, but didn’t move away fully. Gabriel ran a hand through his hair roughly. 

“I just wish you could have trusted me. Would have saved us a lot of trouble.” Gabriel explained.   
“I’m sorry Gabe.” Sam said fervently.  
“I know. I get you were scared kiddo. I’m sure it wasn’t easy and I don’t blame you for thinking the way you did. There are probably plenty of people out there who wouldn’t be able to handle it.” Gabriel soothed, softly stroking through Sam’s hair. 

“I’m still not sure I believe it.” Sam admitted quietly, hoping Gabriel wouldn’t take offense. But his whole life he’d been bombarded with the important of getting laid, from his brother and his friends to every magazine and tv show. It was going to be hard to shake the doubt that Gabriel wasn’t going to ask for more at some point, and leave him when he couldn’t provide it. 

Gabriel’s soothing motions never slowed, even as he scowled up at Sam, clearly reading the way his thoughts were trending.   
“I’m not going anywhere Sam, and I’m not going to push you to do anything you don’t want.” Gabriel repeated. “But I know it’s going to take time to trust me. Admit it, you’re just waiting for me to try and jump you bones.” Gabriel added, grinning so Sam would know he was joking. Thankfully Sam smirked back, surprised he even still could after the week he’d had. But then Gabriel had always been able to make him smile. 

“Maybe not right away.” Sam admitted, half teasing, half serious.   
“Consent’s kind of my thing kiddo. Never without your permission, that sort of thing.” Gabriel said lightly, refusing to get frustrated at having to repeat himself. Thankfully Sam’s grin widened as he recognized the line.   
“Does this mean we’re dating then?” He asked hesitantly.   
“Damn right it does.” Gabriel affirmed brightly nodding. “We can work it all out as we go.”  
Sam nodded back.   
“Together?”   
“Till the end of the line.” Gabriel quipped. Sam swiped at him, unable to hide his grin. An hour ago he’d been convinced he would be facing the rest of his life alone. He’d never been so glad to be wrong in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that's it for now. Thanks to everyone for all the positive comments. All the tags will be up shortly. I didn't want to ruin the 'surprise'.


	29. Chapter 29

Sam woke up slowly and opened his eyes to find Gabriel grinning at him.  
“Rise and shine sunshine.” He said brightly, watching Sam eagerly.  
Sam just groaned and reached out blindly, grabbing Gabriel and dragging him in against him.   
“Too early.” Sam muttered, curling back around him. 

Gabriel only gave a token resistance, laughing softly. It had taken a few weeks for Sam to relax when they shared a bed, but once he had, they’d both been surprised to find he was extremely cuddly. While Gabriel would never admit it, secretly he was thrilled. So he took a few extra moments to indulge in the sensation before he made another, more earnest attempt to rouse his sleeping soulmate. 

“Come on Sam. Presents!” He exclaimed excitedly, wriggling out of Sam’s hold, shaking him for good measure.   
Sam swatted at him this time.   
“Sleep.” Sam countered, burying his face in the pillow, eyes firmly shut.   
Gabriel watched him for a moment, thinking hard before he grinned slyly.   
“Coffee?” He asked innocently  
One eye slid open slowly. Gabriel smothered a laugh. He’d been sure that would get his attention. Though he preferred coffee to presents? Insane.   
“Promise?” Sam asked, still not committed.   
Gabriel didn’t answer just bounced off the bed with a laugh. 

“I’m going to wake up Cassie and Dean.” He announced happily and Sam couldn’t help but smirk at the idea of his brother having to deal with a hyperactive Gabriel pouncing on them. Sure enough, not even a few moments later he could hear a loud banging from across the apartment.   
“Get up Cassie! It’s Christmas!” Gabriel yelled loudly, still banging on the door. 

On the other side of the door there was a chorus of groans.   
“Go away Gabriel.” Dean growled back, cursing.   
Of the two of them, Dean was the more functional one in the mornings. Which wasn’t saying much. Dean looked over as Cas was just pulling a pillow over his head, not up to more coherent sentences than monosyllables and groaning. Dean had to admit, it was adorable. He threw the door another glare as the banging continued. 

“I’m going to murder him.” Dean muttered.   
“Do it quietly.” Cas replied, muffled by the pillow, earning a smirk from Dean.   
Dean couldn’t resist pulling the pillow away so he could lean down over Cas. Cas sensed his proximity and opened his eyes reluctantly. No matter how many times Dean saw them, he could never get over the blue of Castiel’s eyes. 

“Morning.” Dean murmured, grinning.   
Castiel smiled back at him softly, humming in agreement, still not wanting to talk more than he had to. But he was more than happy to respond when Dean leant down and kissed him. He hummed again contentedly as he slid an arm around Dean, pulling him down closer, deepening the kiss. They were interrupted again by more banging.   
“Don’t make me come in there!” Gabriel called.   
Dean pulled back reluctantly.   
“Do you think he would?” He asked Cas, who groaned.   
“Yes.” He answered without hesitating.   
Gabriel had very few personal boundaries and Cas was actually surprised he’d contented himself with knocking on their door instead of just barging right in. 

“Alright, alright, we’re coming!” Dean called back, sounding more annoyed than he felt.   
Really, waking up with Cas beside him, very little could bother him. And if he were honest, he was more than a little interested in presents himself. Castiel managed to roll himself out of bed, looking adorably rumpled and Dean had to resist the urge to pull him back down and finish what they’d started. But he resisted as he followed suit, opening the bedroom door and glaring at Gabriel.   
“Finally!” Was all Gabriel said before turning around and practically bouncing into the kitchen.   
He’d promised Sam coffee, and he intended to deliver. 

It didn’t take long before he had four steaming mugs he brought into the lounge room. The Christmas tree was taking pride of place surrounded by a huge mound of presents that hadn’t been there the night before. Castiel was collapsed on the floor leaning against the couch, almost as if he’d intended to sit down and missed, but was too tired to get back up. Dean was gaping at the tree. 

“What did you do?” Dean asked, taking a cup and sitting on the couch.  
Gabriel just winked at him.   
“You’ll just have to wait and see.” He said mischievously.  
Sam chose that moment to finally make his appearance, yawning widely and very rumpled, lured by the smell of coffee. Gabriel grinned up at him as he handed over his mug, which Sam clutched like he was a drowning man, and it the only life raft. But he managed a smile for Gabriel as well, and looking around the room at his new family, Gabriel couldn’t help thinking that no matter what was under that tree, this was the best present he could ever hope to get. 

Sam dropped down onto the floor against the couch next to Cas.   
“Merry Christmas Dean.” He mumbled, looking up at his brother.   
Dean reached out and ruffled Sam’s already ruffled hair.   
“Merry Christmas Sammy.” Dean laughed as Sam scowled and swiped at him.   
Gabriel dropped down beside Sam, laughing as Sam ran a hand through his hair. Gabriel still marveled at the fact that that simple gesture was enough to return his hair back to its perfect state and shook his head ruefully. 

“We ready to get this show on the road?” Gabriel asked, noticing the caffeine was taking affect and even Cas was looking more awake.   
“Sure. You first.” Sam said, reaching out one long arm and snagging a present out from under the pile. It was small and covered in blue paper and Gabriel took it gleefully.   
“Really? For me?” He asked, already tearing into the paper. Sam watched him fondly, hiding a smirk behind his coffee mug. 

As Gabriel busied himself with unwrapping, Dean slid off the couch and crawled over to the tree, pulling out another present, and handing it to Cas.   
“Dean, you didn’t have to.” Cas demurred, taking the present gently. Dean shrugged awkwardly.   
“Yeh, but I wanted to.” Dean insisted gruffly. 

Christmas had never really been a Winchester specialty. They’d stopped really celebrating the year their dad had gone out on Christmas Eve and stumbled home still drunk three days later. Sam had only been five at the time, and Dean never forgot the look on his face come Christmas morning. It had been an unspoken rule between them from then on to generally ignore the holidays. It had improved in their teens when they started spending Christmas at Bobby’ or Ellen’s, but it wasn’t the same. 

This year however, Gabriel’s enthusiasm had been infectious and both Sam and Dean found themselves getting into the spirit. So Dean watched anxiously as Cas meticulously undid his wrapping, careful not to damage the paper. Beside him, Gabriel had no such compunctions, surrounded by a storm of shredded wrapping. 

“Sam!” He exclaimed, as he opened the small box.  
Inside was a key and Gabriel didn’t need to ask what it was for. The apartment number was printed on it clearly. Sam shrugged sheepishly.   
“I wasn’t sure what to get you.” He admitted. “And I realised you didn’t have one yet.” 

While he was trying to pass it off as a casual gesture, they both knew it wasn’t. Since that first night, all four of them had been spending more time at the Novak’s. It was simply a matter of convenience. Their place was bigger and more comfortable than Sam’s tiny apartment. But even though they spent most nights at his place, Gabriel knew the key was an important step forward for them. It meant Sam was comfortable having Gabriel around whenever he wanted, even in his own private space. So Gabriel smiled up at him warmly, a shared moment between them before he turned to look over at Castiel. 

Cas was holding a sketch pad and pencils between his hands, looking over at Dean with a serious expression.   
“Thank you, Dean.” Cas said lowly, not sure how to react.   
His art was intensely personal, but important to him. Few even knew he drew and the fact that Dean had remembered was touching. Dean however seemed to take his silence as dislike. He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Sorry, I know you probably get stuff like that all the time. It’s not easy knowing what to get a guy who has eve-“ Dean started to explain but was cut off what Cas reached over and wrapped a hand in his shirt, pulling him forward and cutting his words off with a kiss.   
“It’s perfect.” Cas said firmly as he released Dean.  
Dean just nodded, but Sam couldn’t help rolling his eyes at the stupid grin on Dean’s face. 

Sam reached over to the tree again and tossed something at his brother. It ended up hitting him square in the face. Dean flinched and scowled at his brother who was grinning at him.  
“Hey!” He barked, ineffectually, too distracted by the present in his lap to be too annoyed.   
Dean looked over at his brother, surprised.   
“You got me a present?” He asked a little dumbfounded.   
They hadn’t exchanged presents in years, not since they were kids. But Sam just glared at him a little, clearly not wanting him to mention it, or make a fuss. 

“Just open it.” Sam said shortly, before being distracted by Gabriel who was rummaging under the tree, looking for something to give to Sam.   
Dean turned his attention to his gift. It was badly wrapped in newspaper, but that was no more than he expected. He tore it open eagerly and pulled out a keychain. It was an exact replica of his baby, with their initials engraved on the bottom. He turned it over reverently admiring it from every angle. 

He looked over at Sam who was watching him nervously. Dean nodded once. It was all they needed. He understood what Sam was saying. It seemed he’d gone in for the symbolic presents this year. Gabriel wasn’t the only one who’d understood the significance of the key, and Dean had been pleased to know that things with his brother were finally working out. 

After that first night when Dean had forced Sam to confront his problems, Dean and Cas had come home that morning after their date to find their brothers passed out together on the couch. Neither of them had been able to get out of them what had happened, but it was clear that whatever Sam’s problem had been, they had worked it out. They were clearly together, and happy. That was enough for Dean. 

Despite how anxious he’d been for Sam to work things out with his soulmate, he couldn’t help his own insecurities. Everyone he loved left eventually. His mother had died, his father disappeared, Sam had left for college. Even knowing it was what was best for Sam, even with Gabriel, he hadn’t been able to shake the fear that Sam was going to move on without him. Sure he had Castiel now, and they were all family, but fears are rarely rational. 

The impala was important for both Winchesters. So many of Dean’s happy memories with his brother were in the back seat of that car. It was a part of them, a symbol of the bond they shared, and now, Sam was giving Dean a permanent reminder that while things might be changing, they would always be brothers. And in true Winchester fashion he’d done it without needing to say a word. 

They were both distracted by Gabriel, who practically launched himself at Sam in his excitement.   
“This one is for you.” Gabriel said unnecessarily as he handed Sam a small present completely dwarfed by a bow. Sam took it laughing, and set to work on the unwrapping. He was confused for a minute when he pulled out a mug, then froze when he looked at it what it said.   
Ace Attorney. 

He looked at Dean a little panicked, but Dean didn’t notice. His brother just shrugged.   
“Little lame don’t you think Gabe? I mean, come on, coffee cup? You know he drinks straight from the machine.” Dean teased. “Although can’t argue with that.” He added nodding to the script. Cas nodded as well.   
“You will be an excellent lawyer Sam.” Castiel said supportively. 

Sam looked over at Gabriel, meeting his eye, seeing the mischievous glint there. Ever since his confession, Gabriel had been working to get Sam to accept himself. He’d shown him articles, support groups, even a few dating sites devoted to people like him. It helped Sam feel not so alone, not as much of a freak, like he was part of a community, even if it was small and scattered. But more than anything, it was Gabriel’s unwavering acceptance and support that helped Sam finally begin to accept himself. This was just one more sign that Gabriel accepted him completely, a sneaky in-joke that most people would miss. 

Sam surprised all of them by leaning down and kissing Gabriel firmly, overwhelmed by the wave of affection he felt. While in private Sam had become much more relaxed, public displays still made him uncomfortable. Dean rolled his eyes at Cas, but couldn’t hide his grin. Dean finally had the family he’d dreamed of, and while neither Cas nor Gabriel was quite what he expected, he wouldn’t trade either of them for the world. 

Next it was Dean’s turn. Cas shuffled a little closer and Dean was surprised to notice that Sam and Gabriel were also watching him expectantly.   
“Dean.” Cas started. “This is for you.” He said, handing over a small box, similar to the one Sam had given Gabriel earlier.   
Dean opened it, a little lost, pulling out a set of keys.   
“What is it?” He asked confused, looking around. It was clear that he was the only one in the room who didn’t know what was going on. Sam was trying hard not to grin, but he could read the amusement on his brother’s face, while Gabriel wasn’t even trying to hide it. 

“That, Deano, is the key to your new garage.” Gabriel announced.  
Dean stared at him in shock, looking to Castiel for confirmation. He nodded seriously.   
“I know you were concerned about having employment.” Castiel explained.   
Dean was gaping at them all in shock before shaking his head.   
“I can’t take this Cas.” He finally forced out.  
Castiel looked hurt, but Gabriel was the one who jumped in. He’d already rehearsed his arguments against all of Dean’s imagined protests. And he knew he would protest. He’d got enough of an idea from Sam about their upbringing to know that the brothers resented anything that smacked of charity, having relied on it too often in the past. 

“Look Dean, don’t think of it as a gift, think of it as an investment. Cas and I both have some pretty impressive investment portfolio’s. Nothing on our brothers of course, but still, this isn’t a new thing.” Gabriel explained patiently.   
Dean still shook his head firmly.   
“No way, guys, this is too much.” Dean protested.   
“Dean.” Sam interjected. “Don’t think too hard about this one ok? I know you’ve always wanted to open your own shop.”   
“Think of it as a loan.” Gabriel added. “If it makes you feel better, you can pay us back, with interest, just like a bank.”

Dean looked between the three of them, noting how quiet Cas was, and the determination in his brother’s face. But he still shook his head.   
“I’m sorry, guys, I can’t.”   
“Why not?” Sam asked, annoyed now. He thought he knew what his brother’s problem was, and knew Dean was being stupid.   
“I just can’t ok? I don’t want to be mooching off you guys.” Dean snapped back. 

“You aren’t mooching.” Cas protested.   
“That’s kind of the point Dean. This isn’t a hand out, you’ll be running a business.” Sam persuaded.   
“What if I can’t?” Dean admitted. While it had always been a dream of his, the fear of failure was very real.   
“I might not know much about cars, but I’ve seen that thing you drive.” Gabriel answered. “You’re good Dean.”

Gabriel could see they still weren’t getting through, so tried another approach.   
“Do you think I’m an idiot?” Gabriel challenged.   
Dean started.   
“No, of course not.” He said sincerely. He’d been around long enough now, that he knew that while Gabriel liked to joke, he was also wicked smart, and shrewd when it came to people.   
“Then will you trust us already? We wouldn’t be doing this if we didn’t think it would work out. I did the research. Picked out a place with the right kind of vibe. And Cali is full of car nuts, especially for the classics. You get yourself a reputation, you’ll have more jobs than you can handle. I can give you the portfolio if you like.” Gabriel said confidently. 

Dean looked at him carefully. It was starting to sink in. Gabriel wasn’t talking about a hand out. If he’d done the research, actually put effort into it, then maybe he knew what he was talking about. And Dean was starting to realize how much everyone was hoping he would agree. He fiddled with the keys in his hand. Sam could sense his brother wavering. 

“It’s a good business plan Dean. We went over it a dozen times. All it needs is a decent mechanic.” Sam said.   
Dean caught his brother’s eye, saw the hope there, and knew he’d lost. He couldn’t deny his brother, not when he pulled out the puppy dog eyes. But he made one last final protest.   
“Look guys, I’m gonna need tools, and equipment, it’s not easy to set up.” 

Gabriel rolled his eyes.   
“Don’t you think we know that? I already included an equipment budget. Figured I’d leave it up to you to work out what you need. After all, you’re the expert” Gabriel smirked.   
Dean looked around the small circle of his family and was lost for words. 

“Look Dean, I get it.” Sam explained. “You know I hate charity just as much as you do. But this isn’t about giving you some useless hobby, it’s about building something. You think I’d be here if I didn’t get a dozen different scholarships?”   
Dean focused on his brother.   
“Yeh but Sammy, this isn’t the bank offering me a loan.” Dean said, hoping he would understand, knowing if anyone could it would be Sam. Sam nodded back to him. 

“You’re right Dean. They’re family. Who else is gonna look out for us? I know you think you’re always the one who has to be looking out for everyone else. But you don’t anymore. It’s ok to get help when you need it Dean. And it won’t even be for very long. Once you get started, I know you’ll do great.” Sam said, faith shining in his eyes.   
He’d looked up to his brother for as long as he could remember, and he had every confidence he could do this, if only he’d let his pride get out of the way. 

“We can do up a contract, make it strictly professional if that makes you feel better.” Gabriel added.   
Dean looked at his brother and his brother’s soul mate, and then turned to focus on Cas. He’d been quiet for most of the time, just watching Dean.   
“You got anything to say?” Dean asked softly.  
“I know you’ll make the right choice.” Castiel smugly, but pulling out a pair of puppy dog eyes that could give Sam a run for his money. Against them, Dean truly was helpless.  
“Alright, alright fine, you win.” He yelled, glaring around at his family. 

“Excellent!” Gabriel announced, clapping his hands together while Castiel wrapped an arm more firmly around Dean’s waist.   
“Now that’s done, let’s get this show on the road!” Gabriel said brightly, diving back under the tree. 

It seemed the Novak brothers had gone a little overboard with their Christmas. It might have made both Sam and Dean uncomfortable, to have so much thrown at them if it weren’t for the genuine pleasure in their eyes at being able to spoil their soulmates. And they’d kept their gifts practical, nothing extravagant or flashy. Sam suspected that might have been Castiel’s influence as he unwrapped a brown Christmas sweater with moose prints across the front. Left alone, Gabriel would have been more extravagant, but Castiel knew that would only make the brothers uncomfortable. The fact that the Novak brothers spoiled each other as well also helped. 

It took almost an hour to unwrap everything. They ended up sprawled across the room, surrounded by piles of stuff, Sam and Gabriel leaning against each other on the couch, Cas laying his head in Dean’s lap as Dean stroked his hair, both watching Gabriel unwrap the final present. Carols were playing quietly in the background, and Castiel had retrieved them all a second round of coffee, mugs lying abandoned on the coffee table. 

Gabriel had forced them all into their Christmas sweaters. For some reason, Gabriel found Dean’s blue sweater patterned with squirrels to be hilarious, though he was unwilling to share the joke. Cas and Gabriel had matching angel prints, Castiel’s in black, while Gabriel’s was an alarming shade of gold that had Sam rolling his eyes. It seemed the angel joke was a long running one between the brothers, the theme carrying through several of their gifts for each other. Gabriel had also snagged a set of reindeer antlers from somewhere, snapping them onto Sam’s head, declaring they matched his sweater. Sam had groaned and protested, but didn’t have the heart to take them off. 

Gabriel’s enthusiasm was infectious, and Sam couldn’t bring himself to ruin the joy sparking in those golden eyes he loved so much. Having met their brothers, Sam didn’t imagine Gabriel and Cas had many fond holiday memories. He recognized in Gabriel’s enthusiasm a desire to make this one count, to start a new tradition with the four of them that would wipe out all the memories of the past, and it was something Sam could fully support. 

Sam looked over at Cas and Dean, meeting his brother’s eyes, seeing the contentment there. This was what Dean had been dreaming of when they were kids, what he’d been describing with a terrible longing that Sam had never quite been able to share. Now they finally had it. 

Sam turned his attention over to Gabriel, who finally looked up at him, smiling softly. There was joy and love shining in his eyes as he looked up at Sam and Sam didn’t even try and fight the warmth that rushed over him. It seemed Dean really had known what he was talking about. It was a new year, the start of a brand new adventure, with all the darkness and loneliness of the past behind them. And with his brothers and his soul mate beside him, Sam knew they could survive anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, good or bad, I always love comments.


End file.
